I can understand how you feel. I consented to an internal, and decided that it was too uncomfortable and asked her to stop. She said it wouldn't be much longer and continued. Afterwards she said that the reason it was so painful was that she had done a stretch and sweep. I have the same feelings about it as you do your situation, and it's been a year. There were further issues in my birth as well, which have all compounded each other. I've been looking into counselling for birth trauma - finding someone who specialises in it is important. A lot of people providing trauma and ptsd counselling don't often get it. I've gotten the you have a happy healthy baby line over and over - it's not helpful and invalidates all feelings you have in relation to the birth.
There is a closed Facebook page BTAANZ Peer Support, and the BTAANZ page in general - they might be able to assist with birth trauma counselling resources in your area. Doulas also often offer birth debrief sessions.
Feel free to PM me if you want someone to chat with who gets it