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  1. #11
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    I can understand how you feel. I consented to an internal, and decided that it was too uncomfortable and asked her to stop. She said it wouldn't be much longer and continued. Afterwards she said that the reason it was so painful was that she had done a stretch and sweep. I have the same feelings about it as you do your situation, and it's been a year. There were further issues in my birth as well, which have all compounded each other. I've been looking into counselling for birth trauma - finding someone who specialises in it is important. A lot of people providing trauma and ptsd counselling don't often get it. I've gotten the you have a happy healthy baby line over and over - it's not helpful and invalidates all feelings you have in relation to the birth.

    There is a closed Facebook page BTAANZ Peer Support, and the BTAANZ page in general - they might be able to assist with birth trauma counselling resources in your area. Doulas also often offer birth debrief sessions.

    Feel free to PM me if you want someone to chat with who gets it

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    HLE  (26-11-2015)

  3. #12
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    I agree with the suggestion to get in touch with the hospital, ask for an explanation and go from there. This is not something you need to simply "get over" but I hope that having all the information helps you get to a better place.

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    HLE  (26-11-2015)

  5. #13
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    OP have you thought of some counselling? It may help you to come to terms with it.

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    HLE  (26-11-2015)

  7. #14
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    AdornedWithCats is offline Winner 2013 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    Op, I see you're from Vic. I know of a birth trauma counsellor in Melbourne if you want me to pm the details.

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  9. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by me+he&she=three View Post
    Everyone is entitled to their opinion are they not? People wouldn't post in a forum if they didn't want a range of views?!
    Being entitled to an opinion doesn't mean you shouldn't censor it. There was absolutely no point in you saying what you said aside from to make the OP feel like her feelings were worthless. And it's people like you and "opinions" like that that stops those of us who have had birth experience that are hurtful or traumatic or emotionally painful from discussing them and actually having the chance to "get over it". Think before you speak, it's a sign of maturity and grace.

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  11. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by me+he&she=three View Post
    Everyone is entitled to their opinion are they not? People wouldn't post in a forum if they didn't want a range of views?!
    While people are entitled to their own views, you didn't need to phrase it in a way that completely dismissed the op's feelings. "... get over it" is unnecessarily harsh.

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    Op labouring is such an incredibly vulnerable time and I can completely understand why you're still feeling this way about being uninformed/ not consulted. I think it's worth writing to the hospital to request clarification. I had a pretty amazing birth overall but there was one incident that kept playing on my mind. I ended up writing to the hospital and they were really responsive and helpful. I also felt better just having my feelings acknowledged.

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  15. #18
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    bunkx is offline Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections
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    Default How would you feel?

    I wouldn't really mind to be honest but I can get why some would be extremely upset and I do think the doctor was very wrong to not ask you first
    Last edited by bunkx; 26-11-2015 at 22:40.

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  17. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by CodieBloom View Post
    Firstly, I'm also sorry this happened and that you're having a tough time.

    I can completely understand how you would feel.
    Without being there it is hard to say- i suppose there is 3 possible scenarios.

    1. The doctor artificially ruptured them using the hook (like you were showed with your DS) and they both (shockingly and awfully) didn't inform you. Whilst anything is possible and maybe I'm optimistic, I really hope and doubt this would be the case as that is obviously a massive violation of you and your rights - let alone his responsibility as a Dr.

    2. During the VE the dr accidentally broke your waters, and failed to inform you of it. It is completely possible for this to happen - especially if your waters were bulging. However, the dr should have informed you that it had occurred.

    3. Your waters ruptured at some point that nobody was able to determine (also completely possible!) I'm only a student midwife but have seen plenty of women who didn't know there's had broken or we weren't sure when it had happened precisely. In which case perhaps your midwife has just assumed roughly timing wise that it may have occurred during the VE - and has said it without explaining/considering how you may feel.

    In any case you clearly weren't informed enough of what was happening/how things were progressing which isn't good enough.
    I would write a letter to the hospital seeking an explanation. They will still have your records on file and you should be able to get some closure as to (at the very least) what time it occurred and whether it was an ARM (artificially ruptured) or whether it happened spontaneously.
    Either way, I think you are owed an apology for them failing to keep you involved and informed.

    Hopefully you feel better soon, it is very normal to have negative feelings towards a birth or parts of it- and I don't think it would be unreasonable to seek some counseling if you think it would help you.
    Thank you so much. This has given different perspectives that i didn't think of. However i feel like my water was broken when dr was doing the internal because just after dr finished, dh asked if he can go and get the hospital bag from the car, which was parked just downstairs at the hospital car park. The dr told him not to as he might miss out the baby being born. Dr was very certain. So i assume she knew my water was broken and my labor would speed up very quickly? Even at this point, she could've have told me and dh my water was broken so we could have mentally prepared for a quick birth instead of me thinking i might still have some time as my water still hasn't broken yet.

    Thank you again. I think i might request hospital record to find out exactly what happened.
    Last edited by HLE; 26-11-2015 at 20:57.

  18. #20
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    Write a letter to the hospital. Writing in out is helpful, but be sure to send it too. I had a traumatic birth experience (and was even more upset with the way I was treated in the days after birth) over 4 years ago. I started writing that letter but never ended up finishing or sending it. Now I am trying to heal my birth trauma before I have the next one and it's very hard trying to remember details 4 years later. So please do it whilst it is fresh in your mind. And if you can find someone that specialises in birth healing please contact them also, I think it is important to deal with because those feelings can come up again in the future. I don't personally think birth is something you just 'get over' - it's so much more than a physical experience and I can completely understand why you would be upset.

    (Fyi the doc broke my waters whilst they did a lengthy internal. Not sure if it was deliberate but there was no mistaking it once it happened, mine was very messy! The doc was just like 'oh there goes your waters'.)


    Best of luck x

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