+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Posts
    6
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked
    0
    Reviews
    0

    Default Crises during pregnancy (father has cancer, caring for disabled mother, DH overseas)

    Hello. I'm a newbie on these boards, seeking advice for coping with stress and trauma during pregnancy. I'm in a very complicated situation, and would be interested to hear stories from people who have gone through some of these issues when pregnant.

    I'm Australian, currently 21 weeks pregnant, and have been living in Japan for the past few years and I planned to have my baby there (I am covered by the Japanese national health insurance, I do not have PHI). I came to Adelaide to get married this November with my Japanese fiancé, and the day before I arrived in Australia, my father was rushed to hospital with a sudden serious illness. At first, it appeared to be a stomach and liver infection. He was so ill he was unable to attend our wedding. We have recently found out he has stomach cancer that has spread to the liver, which I understand is Stage 4 cancer. We meet the doctors this week to be told his full prognosis and treatment options, but apparently treatment is limited as the docs say he cannot have chemo due to an abscess, and stomach surgery will be a major, high-risk op for him with a long recovery period.

    My father is the primary caregiver for my disabled mother. Since I have been here for my wedding, I have been caring for my mother while he was in hospital, and now I am looking after both parents (although my dad is doing fairly well right now and can do most things by himself). My husband has had to return to Japan for work (and does not have the visa to live here), and I am currently taking unpaid leave from my job indefinitely. I am an only child, and the only family support we have is from an elderly relative, so I do not want to ask her for help, although she has been very kind and is helping where she can.

    I am dreading finding out the doctors' full prognosis this week. From what I have read about stage 4 stomach cancer, many people die within 6 months. As my baby is due in April 2016, I am quite torn apart knowing that there is a high chance my dad could be seriously ill and dying at that time and may not get to meet his grandchild.

    I am also stressed about practical considerations, such as care for my father when his health starts to decline, and care for my mother, while I am pregnant/caring for a newborn. My mother has been cared for at home for the past 20 years and I would like to help care for her, but I think temporary respite care at a nursing home will be necessary in the coming months. Due to the timing of delivery and the fact that my dad could be seriously ill at that time, I will likely have to give birth in Australia rather than in Japan. However, in my current situation I am not covered by Medicare even though I am an Australian citizen -- this is because I have been resident in another country for some years. I phoned Medicare and apparently in order to get coverage, I have to show them proof that I have left Japan permanently (such as resignation confirmation from my Japanese employer, termination of my rental lease, etc). If I quit my job and permanently leave Japan now, I will lose my 3 months paid maternity leave and government payments for the baby, as well as my income generally.

    My husband and I plan to apply for an Oz spouse visa asap. This can take anywhere from 6-12 months to process, so this means I could be apart from my husband for up to a year. He can come here on a tourist visa, but he is unable to take long periods of leave from work and he wants to keep working in Japan to save money for our family.

    So in a nutshell: I am 21 weeks pregnant, and major life events/crises are colliding: marriage, terminal illness, pregnancy, caring for sick and disabled parents, immigration issues, lack of health coverage. I am going to seek out a counsellor in my area this week, but I would be really grateful to hear stories of anyone else who has been affected by any of these issues during pregnancy, and how you coped.

    Thank you for reading.
    x

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    827
    Thanks
    184
    Thanked
    303
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I don't have any advice sorry but after reading your story just wanted to say I am sorry for the situation you are in and hope that someone on here can offer you some advice X

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Pumpkin1106 For This Useful Post:

    Lulu Kitsune  (26-11-2015)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    1,260
    Thanks
    1,068
    Thanked
    816
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Wow. That's a lot on your plate. I'm glad you are seeking out counselling services.

    In a practical sense, speak to the doctor/hospital about talking with a social worker regarding all of the issues for your parents' care.
    I'd speak with your parents and husband regarding the birth of your child, possibly after the prognosis, etc, lay all your cards out on the table and go from there.

    Are there family friends you can call on for help?

    It's not much to go on, hopefully others can help you further.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Tiny Dancer For This Useful Post:

    Lulu Kitsune  (26-11-2015)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    1,757
    Thanks
    482
    Thanked
    435
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    What a difficult situation to be in! I have not any experience of such a difficult situation, but just some practical things. I would try to talk to a social worker about the Medicare/ not being covered in a public hospital for the birth situation. It seems crazy that as an Australian citizen you would not be covered. Perhaps they would make an exception in your circumstances, considering if you were to return to Japan to have your baby, Medicare would have to cover the care of your parents.
    Otherwise some charity organisations will often cover medical costs of overseas patients, or even the hospital itself in extreme circumstances. A social worker may be able to help more here.
    I'm assuming you don't have any travel insurance that would have covered your medical expenses.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to LittleBug'sMum For This Useful Post:

    Lulu Kitsune  (26-11-2015)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    1,403
    Thanks
    93
    Thanked
    387
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I feel for you as an only child myself living overseas I am always thinking of the what ifs...
    You'll be stretched pretty thin I think a temporary care home for your mum is a good idea also perhaps for your dad, as hard as it sound it might be good to have nurses and help with the heavy lifting that way you can concentrate on supporting both emotionally and spending quality time with them both, maybe see if there's a facility who'd take them together.
    As as immigration it's really a matter of what you want to do long term, are you moving back to care for your mum? Or could she adapt in Japan?
    If you're going back there's no point going through the hoops just have hubby come to Australia for the birth for as long as he can.
    Very complicated and sad situation OP I hope social services can help you out.

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to ciaomamma For This Useful Post:

    Lulu Kitsune  (26-11-2015)

  10. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    2,005
    Thanks
    291
    Thanked
    729
    Reviews
    6
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I just wanted to send you some hugs and that I'll be wishing for all the best for you and your family x

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to Ruby_Tuesday15 For This Useful Post:

    Lulu Kitsune  (26-11-2015)

  12. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Posts
    6
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked
    0
    Reviews
    0
    Thanks everyone for your kind replies, much appreciated ^_^

    I will be meeting with the doctors and social worker next week, so will get more of an idea of my dad's prognosis and treatment plan then, and can also ask the social worker about Medicare stuff. I have travel insurance that covers some pregnancy-related things but not delivery.

    In a bit of encouraging news, I heard from members of a Tokyo-based pregnancy group for non-Japanese residents, and it sounds like it could be possible for me to still receive a Japanese govt payment to help with delivery costs (equivalent to $4000) even if I have the baby in Australia, as long as I return to Japan a few months after the birth to lodge my claim for expenses. So if Medicare is a no-go, this payment would be a big help if I pay full fees to deliver here.

    Thanks again for your comments.

    x

  13. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Posts
    6
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked
    0
    Reviews
    0
    Thanks, ciaomamma. Yes, it's tough being an only child living far away. I have dreaded this situation for a long time and actually my husband and I planned to move to Australia in 2017, when my work contract finishes, so that I can be near my parents in the event of such a situation. When I got pregnant, I was really worried something like this would happen with my parents during my pregnancy, especially towards the end of my pregnancy when it is difficult to travel. Thankfully we are already prepared with some things like Powers of Attorney and Guardianship, which have already been incredibly useful since I've been back here and had to do some banking things for my dad. We also have a few contacts with care services who have offered to help.

    My husband and I are thinking of just bringing our Move to Oz Plan forward by one year, although I will have to return to Japan at least once in the next couple of months to sort out quite a few things.

    Hopefully we will be able to plan more clearly next week after meeting with the doctors & getting a fuller picture of my father's situation.

  14. #9
    SuperGranny's Avatar
    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    sunshine coast qld
    Posts
    6,162
    Thanks
    4,572
    Thanked
    2,753
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    hi lulu, my son is married to a Japanese woman, and now has permanent residency in Australia. she came here on a spouse visa, and applied for residency after they married. it took two years to be granted, but she was living in Australia for the whole time. Is there someone in the immigration dept that can answer these questions for you? I wish you well, you have a lot to sort out, marie.

  15. The Following User Says Thank You to SuperGranny For This Useful Post:

    Lulu Kitsune  (27-11-2015)

  16. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Posts
    6
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked
    0
    Reviews
    0
    Thanks, SuperGranny! That's encouraging! Yes I have yet to contact Immigration on the matter and we are still waiting for our marriage certificate to arrive. I have heard from friends that have applied previously that proving your relationship is genuine is one of the most important parts of the application. We have lots of evidence so hopefully this will be a smooth process.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Spin Off: What do your children call their mother and their father
    By Maxwell's Silver Hammer in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 41
    Last Post: 01-02-2015, 12:58

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Fridge-To-Go Australasia
Xmas with a NEW Fridge-to-go Lunch Bag! Fridge-To-Go Australasia
Fridge-to-go 8 hour cooler bags are ideal under the Christmas tree! Now in modern lunch bag designs - fill them with toys and chocolate to make parents and kids happy! Stay super cool and eat healthy and fresh food all summer long!
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
TPS Health Physiotherapy and Pilates
TPS Health Physiotherapy and Pilates has three clinics located at Morningside, Redlands and Lutwyche. We offer pre and post natal services as well as physiotherapy and Pilates. All clinics offer child minding services so bubs are always welcome!
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!