Hi ladies, I've been AWOL.
Not going to be able to catch up I'm afraid.
I'm doing another stim cycle, currently on day 8 of Synarel. Baseline scan and bloods next Monday and will probably start stims shortly thereafter. EPU in approx 3 weeks.
I have to say I'm struggling at the moment. Struggling to be happy for others success, struggling to be positive that it'll happen again for us, struggled with Xmas knowing I should've had a newborn and instead had nothing except a heavy heart. How do you all deal with this? I'm beyond grateful for my DS, who is my sun and moon and reason for living every day, but hanging out with him breaks my heart a little too because all I want is to give him the brother or sister he asks for.
Anyway my plan for this cycle is to grow my embryos out to day 5 and do a double transfer as I feel they're my only chance, as I don't think frozen works for me, so I want to give myself my absolute best chance possible.
So sorry to hear of the recent losses ladies so heartbreaking!! And massive congrats on all those positive tests girls!!!! Can't wait to see all your bellies grow! I'm 14 weeks!!! Starting to buy baby stuff again lol, now I know the things I really want/need it much easier this time around.
@Annerley thanks for asking about me. I'm doing ok. It's 1 week since my D&C suction - bleeding has been minimal but yesterday had more cramps & bleeding. I'm also incredibly bloated - hoping that goes down in the next week before I return to work as I now look more pregnant than when I was actually pregnant! Emotionally, coping reasonably well, except for my mother's group for DD, who all seem to be pregnant. My long term friend's who are pregnant don't upset me, so that's a good thing! I'll be ready to start stimming again when the time comes in January or February.
@rainbow road - good luck on this cycle! I totally get doing the double transfer - FETs don't seem to work for me so I now opt for double fresh transfers to give us the best shot of getting pregnant.
rainbow road. I have struggled with everyones successes and everyones happiness. This last month the metioning of the word baby has made me burst into tears, seeing babies had made me burst into tears, i even avoided my DHs family xmas lunch because i didnt want to be around babies.
Im horrible to be around at home, im always angry and snappy from the depression.
I think what's keeping me going is just thinking of the next step, whats the next plan, whats the next appt.
ASF I am suffering the worst stiff neck of my life!!! But at least AF has finally arrived, now just need to have US to check on that haemorrhaged follicle.
@MrsSMS thank you so much for sharing, that info is very helpful! When I got the level of 180, I was 19dpo so I guess just a little higher than yours so might take slightly longer. I'm spotting at the moment so will see what happens. I've been feeling quite boated and had the occasional ache in the tummy but on real cramping as yet.
@sunny79 thanks but I'll just be so much happier when all this is done. I know the constant bloods and looking at numbers is likely to drive me crazy over the next little while.
Oh and today is the 29th, all the best with your blood test!
Fantastic news @stillfuntryin time is flying by!!
@Lovebubs77 so happy to hear you are going ok and I hope you are feeling back to normal soon. Bring on February next year, I say!!
@Evelynmoo yay for af arriving and I hope the ultrasound goes well. I bet you can't wait to have all this over this as well.
@rainbow road I know I've only had one set back but similar to evelynmoo, I've just been focusing on the next steps to get me to my goal instead of looking back at this cycle. I feel at this stage I have hope and with the plan you have of doing a fresh double transfer, there's a real hope for you too since that seems to be what works for you.
For me, I'm all good with others news but just struggle a bit when others have accidents and didn't really even want a child or another one. The worst is when you see people with heaps of kids and they treat them badly like they don't know how lucky they are. I was camping a few nights ago and overheard a domestic going on where based on the argument, I heard that the man had a 7 year old asleep inside his van. He was yelling at his girlfriend something along the lines of how he could go around saying he hates his kids and doesn't want them like she does. I was laying awake listening to this and thinking, I know they've been drinking but seriously, how could you ever hate your young child. I couldn't even understand how the man could say it hypothetically and especially when the child could easily be listening. I feel so sad for kids in those situations and wish the parents knew how lucky they are but I just then remind myself that I don't know their struggles and have to worry about myself and not strangers.
Last edited by Annerley; 29-12-2015 at 09:47.
Sorry to hear about the girls who are struggling, it is such a hard road :/ xx im day 2 now for my FET & we made the decision to cut our holiday short so i can get the necessary Bts and scans. Feeling excited to get the ball rolling again after a month off.
I'm looking forward to my next steps, but I'm also just petrified of feeling how I feel for much longer. However I cuddled a newborn today and rubbed her all over my belly for baby dust and sticky vibes so I hope that did the trick
Big hugs to those struggling too. It's comforting to know it's normal and I'm not an awful person for feeling this way
I was feeling hopeful as I hadn't had any signs of AF arriving yet but when I just did my crinone there was a little bit of bloody/dirty discharge on the applicator and I'm now feeling a bit crampy. Really really hoping it's not AF but I'm worried.
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