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  1. #611
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    Ive been trying to find a thread that talks about finding that hope after a failed cycle. I cant see one. I want to know when or if I will get it back. I googled and saw a lady posted, "It will be okay in the end, if its not okay, its not the end". I feel stupid for being so naively optimistic. Am I going through some form of IVF cycle failure phase? Ive done the sook, the anger, now the stupid feeling.

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  3. #612
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    @Billie2 Hi Billie, I totally understand your feeling. It's always hard when you fail on something. Failed IVF cycles are the hardest thing in the whole world (for me and I believe for so many people). You invested so much physically, emotionally and financially. Individuals have different tolerance to the failure. I have heard some people has gone through 20+ cycles to get a baby and some people might get lucky on the first try. I think you just failed the first cycle (?) which is the hardest one, in my opinion. I still remembered my expectation on the first cycle. We have unexplained infertility and we (naively) thought IVF will fix the issue easily. I got 19 eggs on the first cycle and transferred 2 perfect blasts (according to my clinic) on fresh cycle and got BFN. Imagine how disappointed and gutted I would be. After that, we went for FET of 1 blast from the same batch and yes BFN. We spent more than $10K our of pocket already and still empty handed.

    I didn't say you cannot feel sad since you have every right to feel that. At least, you can be positive that you already have one child. Many of us here (including me) are still struggling to conceive the first one. Don't get me wrong, I didn't say trying to conceive the second or third child through IVF is easier but I'm sure if I'm in your shoes, I will be more relax, pick myself up and keep trying until you can't cope with it anymore (I will be very happy with only one already haha). At the end of the day, you are a mother of one child and would be a bonus to have another one to complete your family. Life is unfair but I hope one day will be my turn to be blessed as a mother.........

    Sorry for the long post. Today I just heard my friend (2 years younger than me) is pregnant with her 3rd child and yes unplanned. I'm happy for her but on the other side, I'm so down of myself to have to bear and keep walking on this infertility road.

    I crossed everything for you and everyone in here to get the gift we are long waiting for.
    Last edited by Legally Brown; 15-12-2015 at 22:55.

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  5. #613
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    Default IVF/FET Oct Nov 2015 #3

    Billie2 I can feel your pain. Husband has obstructive azoospermia, we had a great egg haul, great fertilisation rate and then 5 blasts to freeze. No lining issues, fs thought once we had the sperm we would be easy as I looked great. Now sitting here Pupo with my 3rd a grade hatching blast and not really feeling anything positive. The disappointment with the other failures overwhelmed me and in my mind I can't even feel excited about this one so hopefully I don't hit such a low with bad news. I have already made appointments with dr m and my fs to discuss this as a failure....
    I know you are about my age (79 baby!) and it is time, money and emotional heartbreak standing in the way. No words can make it feel better, only you will know how much your soul can cope with to get a baby. The next cycle could be so different for you, there are so many success stories on here after many failures. You know yourself. Be kind to yourself -do what you need to do. I hope a virtual hug will help as I am sending one your way. Xxxx
    You too legallybrown. I am hoping for my one miracle Bub too. Xxx
    Last edited by sunny79; 15-12-2015 at 16:44.

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  7. #614
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    Hi ladies,

    @billie i think is a awesome quote that you found. Like you and sunny I am also the same age like sunny i was born in 79. I hope you manage to find a support group. If not we are all here for you and everyone else that needs it. I just dont want to even think about if my last embryo doesnt work.....

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  9. #615
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    @sunny79- congrats on being PUPO!
    @Billie2- my heart goes out to you- have felt the same before.....it's hard and it really sux that we are here trying for something that comes so easily to so many others..... take some time, and then saddle right back up, don't let this journey beat you!

    AFM BT results from yesterday came in and am now at hcg 52000, p4 123 (has gone back up *yay*), and E2 629, so am feeling a little more confident now...scan is next Wednesday and my nurse doesn't think I need another BT, but has said that if it will ease my mind I can.......I think I will! Intralipids again this weekend.....a friend referred to my passenger as 'Keef' the other day....you know Keith out of the Rolling Stones- the one that was full of drugs!! I thought it was hilarious, coz that's kind of what I feel like at the moment with all of the extras I am taking/injecting!!

    Hopefully this is my miracle bub though & it will all be worth it in the end!
    @mrsthomo how are you doing? when is your FET again? Sorry I have forgotten
    @babybeanie- great numbers
    @katt1011- you are such a positive for this thread- thanks!!

    Sorry if I've missed anyone, and hope all is well xoxo

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  11. #616
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    @Tanej78 I am sorry to hear about your POAS BFN. It really sucks and is not fair to have done so many cycles and transfers like myself and keep getting BFN's just plain stinks. What are your plans moving forwards? Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk or vent to I am sorry to hear a few ladies are struggling and going through a hard time. A great thread on here with very supportive ladies in the over 40's thread. I find the monthly threads to be okay but they are not so great if your not in a good head space from a failed cycle or bad beta results. In my opinion they move too quickly. Alternatively you can always start up a new thread @billie and I am sure women who are in similar circumstances to you will be able to offer support. I am getting the d and c done tomorrow now. My empty sack has grown bigger from 4 to 11 so it really is the best option plus I am going to do a donor embryo cycle in March and my specialist says if I get the d & c done it is 6 to 8 weeks where as if I wait it out it could be months. So onwards and upwards. I am excited about the donor embryos hopefully it will be the key needed for us to finally having our baby dream come true. It will be 5 years this year of TTC for the husband and I and I really want it to be the last. My body and my brain need a break. I just wanted to say hoping everyone has a lovely x'mas and new year as I will be signing off from this thread now. Wishing everyone else still cycling the best of wishes.

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  13. #617
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    Default IVF/FET Oct Nov 2015 #3

    Thanks ladies.. I may have come across a bit wrong I think. I am not in a heap on the floor. Its my first experience in IVF, and I was being vocal in how I felt, which right now is stupid for being naive. I take my hat off to the ladies in their fight through multiple cycles. You are bloody tough. Being an ex cop, Ive seen a very dark side of life, so I am a bit hardened I guess and was just being open. Im not sure why there was reference to my son when I was mentioning my failed IVF, but yes, I was blessed to have my son falling pregnant in my late 20's naturally. We started ttc #2 when he was 18mths old, he is 8 now. I had two mc's each side of our sons birth. I had a secondary infertility blog, been active on these type of sites before, so Im not new to these feelings. I respect each individual 'journey' (I hate that phrase), and wish everyone success, irrelevant of primary or secondary infertility.

    @LegallyBrown I get it. In your shoes, Id feel exactly how you expressed yourself. Just wanted to add that in. Id be a raging monster if we were still ttc #1 after starting ttc in 2006. Id be riding a broomstick to work!
    Last edited by Billie2; 15-12-2015 at 18:32.

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  15. #618
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    Quote Originally Posted by katt1011 View Post
    Hi ladies,

    @billie i think is a awesome quote that you found. Like you and sunny I am also the same age like sunny i was born in 79. I hope you manage to find a support group. If not we are all here for you and everyone else that needs it. I just dont want to even think about if my last embryo doesnt work.....
    Me too girls, I'm in April 79

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    @stillfuntryin all the best for your scan! I can't believe it's time already, you give me hope that time can really go that quickly!

    Merry Christmas @Maxwellsmum I really hope that 2016 is your year, along with the rest of the ladies here xx
    @Billie2 although I haven't been in your position, I can definitely understand your desire. Two kids has always been in my life plan (with option to consider #3) and infertility certainly wasn't. I was blessed with DD and feel so grateful for her and know that makes me a million times luckier than others but nothing can stop that desire to fulfil my life plan and give her a sibling. Hopefully this baby is it! As everyone else has said, why should we not be able to do something that others can do so easily? Especially when we put more effort and finances into it. It's really hard to take!
    I hope you can somehow find the strength so you can fulfil you dream

    I really hope that all you ladies get to experience motherhood one day. You all are so deserving. I know I'm not out of the woods yet but don't understand how I've gotten away with it so much easier than others. Biggest of hugs to you all xx
    Last edited by Annerley; 15-12-2015 at 18:40.

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  19. #620
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    Quote Originally Posted by Legally Brown View Post
    @Billie2 Hi Billie, I definitely feel for you. It's always hard when you fail something. Failed IVF cycles are even harder than anything in the world (for me and I believe for so many people). You invested so much physically, emotionally and financially. Individuals have different tolerance to the failure. I have heard some people has gone through 20+ cycles to get a baby and some people might get lucky on the first try. I think you just failed the first cycle (?) which is the hardest in my opinion. I remembered my expectation on the first cycle when we have unexplained infertility and we (naively) thought IVF will fix that easily. I got 19 eggs on first cycle and put 2 perfect blasts (according to my clinic) on fresh cycle and got BFN. Imagine how disappointed and devastated I would be. After that, we went for FET of 1 blast from the same batch and yes BFN. I spent $10K our of pocket already and still empty handed. I didn't say you cannot feel sad since you have every right to feel that. At least, thinking positive that you have already had one child which many of us here (including me) are still struggling to conceive the first one. Don't get me wrong, I didn't say trying to conceive the second or third child through IVF is easier but I'm sure if I'm in your shoes, I will pick myself up and keep trying. (I will be very happy with one already haha). At the end of the day, you are a mother of one child and would be a bonus to have another one to complete your family. Life is unfair but I hope one day will be my turn to be blessed as a mother.........

    Sorry for the long post. Today I just heard my friend (2 years younger than me) is pregnant with her 3rd child and yes unplanned. I'm happy for her but on the other side, I'm so down of myself to have to bear and keep walking on this infertility road.

    I crossed everything for you and everyone in here.
    I think we place alot of hope in the IVF process and when it fails us no matter how many children we have its still hard to come to terms with! But you are totally right about already having a child, a remember how I felt when my first cycle failed! I never thought I would have children and it was so hard! But going into this cycle now after having my baby i was totally ok if it failed, i already have a child who means the absolute world to me and it definitely softens the blow, i feel so blessed to be pregnant and i can totally relate to how you are all feeling and it sucks!!!

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