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  1. #1
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    Default IVF over 40 #22

    Quote Originally Posted by Bongley View Post
    @Blossom74 I'm much better today thanks. However feeling very sad, my friend went through her 5th IVF cycle and it isn't looking good. It will probably be her last. So much money and stress with nothing to show for it. I'm just gutted for her. So terribly unfair.

    It IS unfair @Bongley. I often think about that myself. We have spent all but about $3,000 of the deposit which was intended for us to buy a home together. We have sold all our assets other than the basics which we need to be able to work and survive. We have no savings. My husband has no super. And we have exactly NOTHING to show for it but a lost baby who never entered this world. It is not fair, it really isn't. I feel for your friend. I feel for all of us unfortunate enough to have never held our much longed for babies in our arms.

    We are not sure if we will do another round of IVF either. I don't know if we have enough money, and we don't have any more coming in other than what it will cost us to sustain ourselves. It's bl@@dy hard. It shouldn't come down to money to have a baby! I'm not sure what we will do. Do we do another round, or do we cut our losses now? It is a hard decision to make.


    Blossom

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  3. #2
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    @Summer, I am really sorry that your DH feels that way. When you are married there is no 'mine' or 'yours.' It's OURS. DSS is both DH and your responsibility. Hopefully the two of you will help (with his Mother) to develop him into a decent human being, and the cost and benefits associated with that belong to the both of you.

    Likewise, doing IVF will hopefully bring into your lives a beautiful son or daughter. That child will bring joy into both of your lives and you will build a little family around him/her. The cost of doing that belongs to the both of you.

    My DH has children from a prior marriage but he works like a dog so that I might be able to experience that joy for myself. For no other reason than because, well, he loves me. I'm really sorry that you are having to shoulder that financial burden alone and that your DH does not have that same consideration for your needs. I am angry on your behalf, it's just NOT RIGHT.

    Hugs for you hon


    Blossom

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  5. #3
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    Over 40s Roll Call


    Waiting :-

    Fudge09 #8
    Winsor
    blossom74
    green lady
    caesardust
    calypso75
    charlie74 - 4 frosties
    infinity888
    MamaKes - DE 2016
    GreyDove
    SophJ
    Countrygirl72
    midnite01
    Maxwellsmum
    SMJ

    Cycling/TWW :-

    Bongley - #12(OE) #3(ED) FET 15/12
    tahli - ED (CFC) FET 7/12
    sue77 - #7 ET 10/12
    Summer - natural cycle
    Gagingi - BT 19/12
    precious40- ED


    UTD
    lolly99
    JulieMalooley - #14 - CFC DE Twins
    corbes
    Chiefsgirl - #9 DE girl due 13th April
    faithandhopellove - #6
    petal40 - #7 due april 30 1 frosty left!
    ferngirl
    Graduated

    BlondeinBrisVegas - #5 baby girl born 28/8/14
    Tuxcat?
    MrsErinR - #4 DE
    MGCBertie #13
    Emski72 - #8 DE (SA) baby girl born 12/11/14
    Killarneygirl little girl
    Liveandlearn - #4 baby girl born 22/9/14
    Ann17 - #6 baby born 21/5/14
    Sunny15 - #9 baby boy born 24/4/14
    TeamPanda #8 baby girl born 21/4/14
    MusicalGal #4 baby boy born 7/3/14
    Twocam #1 baby boy born 19/1/14
    Chook11 #6 baby boy born 15/1/14
    Smileygirl #1 baby girl born ?/13
    JoJoD #10 baby boy born 12/12/13
    Bongley - #4 baby boy born 11/12
    Wannabb - twins born 2012
    Micca - #3 baby girl born 2011 and #11 baby born 18/1/14
    Ertgirl #3 baby boy born 2012?
    Cyd #10 baby boy born 2011?
    Angels4Me #1 baby boy born /12
    Octoberbaby2010 #2 baby born 20/9/10 and #8 baby born 19/4/14
    GNH #1 baby girl born 2010 and #3 baby boy born 2012
    Last edited by Bongley; 15-12-2015 at 13:17.

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  7. #4
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    @Bongley. I'm hoping to be in the group to cycle before Christmas. First DE cycle too. It's been a long six month cooling off period.... I think I'm excited. Or just nervous. Good luck to us all xx

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  9. #5
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    Hello there everyone. I am Brisbane based. This is my first cycle and I am very much in the dark. My heart is breaking for your friend Blossom. I am just having one IVF cycle and putting it to fate. What will be will be. I didn't even think I could convince DH ( I'm just learning the acronyms too) to try a cycle. So we just had ET yesterday and I have been told I have 13 eggs fertilised. We shall see which little ones make the journey. My FS said I was a champion for an "Old Chook"..... I actually don't feel that old. ( now how do I post this?)

  10. The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to SMJ For This Useful Post:

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  11. #6
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    @Precious40 yay! Oh good there is a little group of four of us. Me, you, tahli and Sue. How did you find your donor?
    @SMJ welcome, wow, 13 fertilised is a really great result! will you get a day 3 update on thursday?

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  13. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bongley View Post
    I'm so sorry @Blossom74 my friend also lost her naturally conceived baby in the most awful circumstances. The first IVF she went through she got 6 frosties (I'm ashamed to say I was quite jealous) and they turned out to all be abnormal and each cycle got worse for her. Her fertility has fallen off a cliff the past 18 months. I was hoping that she might be encouraged to try an egg donor but I don't think I've set the best example so far ALL our friends have children or are pregnant. Now with christmas coming up........

    I'm in the office and I caught myself actually glaring at a lady who has fallen pregnant at the drop of a hat earlier. Mentally shaking my finger at her 'You've got it so lucky....grrrr'


    I very much understand @Bongley. It's really hard, isn't it? I think it's normal to feel that way though. I often feel that pang of pain when I see pregnant women. It's not that I'm not happy for them - I'm just sad for me, and for anyone else who can't have that joy.

    I'm really sorry for your friend @Bongley


    Blossom

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  15. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Precious40 View Post
    @Bongley. I'm hoping to be in the group to cycle before Christmas. First DE cycle too. It's been a long six month cooling off period.... I think I'm excited. Or just nervous. Good luck to us all xx

    Good luck love! Be excited AND nervous, lol. It's one hell of a ride, but you've come to the right place for company


    Blossom

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  17. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blossom74 View Post
    @Summer, I am really sorry that your DH feels that way. When you are married there is no 'mine' or 'yours.' It's OURS. DSS is both DH and your responsibility. Hopefully the two of you will help (with his Mother) to develop him into a decent human being, and the cost and benefits associated with that belong to the both of you.

    Likewise, doing IVF will hopefully bring into your lives a beautiful son or daughter. That child will bring joy into both of your lives and you will build a little family around him/her. The cost of doing that belongs to the both of you.

    My DH has children from a prior marriage but he works like a dog so that I might be able to experience that joy for myself. For no other reason than because, well, he loves me. I'm really sorry that you are having to shoulder that financial burden alone and that your DH does not have that same consideration for your needs. I am angry on your behalf, it's just NOT RIGHT.

    Hugs for you hon


    Blossom
    Thanks hon. I don't think he meant to be insensitive about it, it was just that a few days apart he said he didn't want to spend that kind of money on DE, but then a couple of days later is prepared to throw $50K on a court battle for his son. Early in our relationship I was earning really good $$ so anything I wanted to do wasn't an issue - but I really dropped the ball through those two years of repeated miscarriages and with some deliberate sabotage from my staff, I'm now at a point of being in debt and not earning one red cent right now.

    DH pays me a wage that mainly goes towards household bills, so even though we are married, I don't feel as confident discussing $$ issues now that I'm not contributing the way I used to. DH is quite wealthy (asset rich) so if it came to it we could probably refinance a house to access funds to do DE, but that would all be from assets he had before we got together so I wouldn't be putting in any money and I feel guilty about asking him to do that.

    At this stage I still have to contact my friend to see if she will do DE locally here for me, and if she will, then I'm sure he won't have an issue paying for that - if she decides against it, then I will have a serious talk to DH and point out the inequity in him being fine to pay huge legal bills for his son, but not for us to have a child together. He'll come round I'm sure, but I was so depressed last week it was just like another slap in the face.
    Last edited by Summer; 24-11-2015 at 10:07.

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  19. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by SMJ View Post
    Hello there everyone. I am Brisbane based. This is my first cycle and I am very much in the dark. My heart is breaking for your friend Blossom. I am just having one IVF cycle and putting it to fate. What will be will be. I didn't even think I could convince DH ( I'm just learning the acronyms too) to try a cycle. So we just had ET yesterday and I have been told I have 13 eggs fertilised. We shall see which little ones make the journey. My FS said I was a champion for an "Old Chook"..... I actually don't feel that old. ( now how do I post this?)

    Wishing you all the best hon

    And welcome to the group! The ladies on here are just lovely and are an absolute wealth of knowledge


    Blossom

    PS: None of us feel old here, lol. Other than the creaking bones, the aching backs etc

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