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  1. #1
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    Default Keeping a child back at school?

    Have any mums in here had experience with keeping a child back in primary school? My almost 7yo DS1 is in Grade 1 and has been struggling since he started school, he is the youngest child in his class and from the time he was a baby he has had ongoing hearing/ear problems which has not helped the situation.

    His school have been excellent and have been giving him 3x sessions per week of one on one help with a teacher but he is still finding school work difficult and has begun to get quite anxious at school when it's time to read and write. It came up during a meeting I had with his teachers a few weeks ago about the possibility of having him repeat Grade 1. Since then they have had a small team from outside of the school to do some formal testing with him to see where he is at and to work out whether an extra year in Grade 1 would be of benefit to him. I do not know what the results are until the end of the week but his teacher told me this morning that it all went really well and that one of the people who did the assessments was feeling very positive that an extra year in Grade 1 would be a good idea for him.

    I'm feeling very torn about this. He has some lovely friends and his cousin who is very close with in his current class. I don't want to risk upsetting him socially/emotionally unless there is to be a great benefit. At the same time, this is really the cutoff for keeping him back without him being very resistant to the idea. None of this has been mentioned to him and I know he will be heartbroken if we decide to have him repeat.

    Has anyone faced the same dilemma? What was the outcome? Any advice?

  2. #2
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    Haven't been in your position, but I'm certain that if I were I would choose for him to repeat. I do understand your hesitation though with his friends, but I really do think that would only get harder as he gets older, and now is the time to do it. Good luck with your decision!

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    Urban Tumbleweed  (23-11-2015)

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    As a teacher who has recommended repeating a few kids over the years. ... I can understand your reservations.
    If the school are going to those lengths to make sure it's worthwhile then I think that's a great sign they'll support him well.
    In my experience most kids adapt and make news friends really quickly. Usually.
    My niece repeated prep. Her mum had same reservations and it turned out great. She adapted, it really didn't bother her too much at all.
    You'd be surprised how much confidence the repetition of the work brings kids who had some difficulties. With that confidence academically, confidence and healthy self esteem often follow.
    Good luck. I hope it turns positively for you.

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    Urban Tumbleweed  (23-11-2015)

  6. #4
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    Hey OP,

    The school seems very involved and supportive and quite eager to give you all the information they can to help your decision and son.

    In your position, I would repeat. Your son is young so I really believe he will adapt well and this might be a wonderful opportunity to boost his confidence and allow him to enjoy learning. From what you've said it sounds as though the school work is beginning to stress DS and may be giving him some anxiety.

    Your DS will make new friends and still remain close with his cousin. Your son will grow and adapt and this age will be much better for his confidence and self-esteem in comparison to year 2 or 3.

    Good luck OP.

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    i would repeat. friendships will change again in year 2, they might not even be in the same class, so i wouldn't let him go on just because of staying with the friends.

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    Urban Tumbleweed  (23-11-2015)

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    My sil has a son about to start high school. He is one of the youngest in his class, and has always struggled with school work. I feel his school let him down in not repeating him earlier on, and then having the same teacher for four years in a row.
    He is not ready for high school learning. He is not interested in repeating now he is older and I think forcing him to at this age would be to his detriment.

    If it was my son, I would repeat.

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    Urban Tumbleweed  (23-11-2015)

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    Thank you everyone for the replies. The school really are being supportive and helpful about it and have told me that they don't simply keep a child back and hope they do better next year. They said they'll need to have a set of learning goals for him to meet over the year and they'll be reassessed as required.

    His Grade 1 teacher and the teacher in the year below him have talked quite a bit about how he would fit in with the children and whether he'd have a nice little group of friends and they do believe that he would. Aside from his cousin, he doesn't really have besties. He's very friendly and gets along well with most of the children and tends to play with different children every day.

    He really could do with the boost of confidence in regards to his learning, especially now that the school have noticed some anxiety setting in when it comes to the two things he struggles most with (reading and writing). His cousin is great support for him during class and I've been told that when he is asked to do things by himself is when he gets most anxious and upset. I guess I wonder if he will flourish without his cousins support or whether he would get even more anxious without him. Obviously it is not ideal for him to rely so much on another student, he does need to be able to work alone.

    I dread having the conversation with him, he has been talking a lot about Grade 2 but I think he will understand if I talk to him about how it will give him the opportunity to enjoy school work and give him an extra year to improve on all the work he did this year.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Trio View Post
    My sil has a son about to start high school. He is one of the youngest in his class, and has always struggled with school work. I feel his school let him down in not repeating him earlier on, and then having the same teacher for four years in a row.
    He is not ready for high school learning. He is not interested in repeating now he is older and I think forcing him to at this age would be to his detriment.

    If it was my son, I would repeat.
    Yes this is one of my biggest fears about letting him continue. I know that he is struggling now and I know it's most likely going get worse as the years go on. His birthday is 10 days earlier than the cut off date, so he really is almost a full year behind a lot of the children in his class. Add to that his hearing/speech problems and lack of maturity and it is becoming very noticable as the years go on at just how much 'younger' than his classmates he is. I know he won't be ready for high school if he continues like this and probably the best thing I can do for him is keep him back now while he is so young and has many years with his new class. Not that he will forget, but it will be easier for him to adapt at this age than say Grade 4 or 5.

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    My sister is a prep teacher in qld and she said that if she had a son that was one of younger ones a June baby that she would hold him back a year. She said she sees too many kids (boys especially) that are just not ready and it turns into them hating school and never improving.

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    Urban Tumbleweed  (23-11-2015)

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    One of my friends held her son back, with him repeating Grade 3. Interestingly it was her son who begged to be held back as he was so upset that he wasn't able to do the work the other kids were doing. He got to the point where he was scared to try and answer a question and would never put his hand up in class. The school he was at flat out refused to hold him back as they didnt believe he was that far behind and felt his issues were more social issues, so she ended up taking him to another school who were happy to have him repeat Grade 3. He is in Grade 6 now and he is thriving. My friend says its the best thing they could have done for him.

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