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  1. #51
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    Thanks everyone, I woke up this morning feeling a lot better about the whole thing. So, I think what we will do is that we will all go. I will be armed with an iphone for DD1, so she is not listening to the service, and she will also stay quiet to be respectful of the other parents there. If DD2 cries, I'll take her out.

    If I get any hurtful remarks from SIL, I will imagine I am putting my fingers in my ears and yelling "LALALALALALA!!"

    Delerium, your simple question, "what am I specifically angry about" really helped me - reading my answer helped me see that the problem was more about me ruminating over small things. I am a very reflective, introspective person, and sometimes, unhelpful thoughts get stuck in my head and just won't budge. Her comments had been magnified in my mind to the point where they were unbearable. Somehow, reducing them to a few sentences made it seem smaller. I will have to print that question out and stick it on the fridge!!

  2. #52
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    I'm glad you're feeling better OP. In-Law relationships can be hard work. Like I said, SIL and I don't get on. She was particularly unpleasant to me when DH and I started dating, and some of the things she did/said still hurt, but it helps he is aware of what she's like. She also dished out lots of parenting advice as a single person when we had our first. I ignored it all even when she went on about the same stuff every time we saw them. Her ideas weren't compatible with our family's needs, and she had no idea about babies. And now I admit I like it that my kids are well behaved, hers are, shall we say, a bit feral. And it gets commented on by the grandparents. A lot. LOL.

    So I do get it. But I am also glad you've decided to go. I think the death of a child trumps everything else and like I said in my first reply, I'd be there for mine if it was ever to happen to her. Whether we get on or not, she's family. And that's what family do. I know it's hard, but ignore her comments. Change the subject, or pretend the baby needs a change. Don't even give her the opportunity to be critical. I've become a master at the art of deflection and don't let the things mine says bother me anymore. It says more about her that she thinks it OK to say it than it does about my life/parenting.

    The other thing to remember is that she is possibly a bit jealous of you. You said your youngest is 14 months? That would be a huge reminder of what she has lost. It's not at all your fault, but add in her grief and she would be struggling that you have your little family, and she has lost part of hers.

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    Cdro  (03-12-2015)

  4. #53
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    @babyla don't worry I didn't interpret your post like that. I was more trying to provide an insight into the messed up way still parents think. I'm pragmatic enough to know it's messed up but I'm not strong enough to change it.

    It's the jealousy really, that gets you. It makes you hate yourself. Every time someone I know announces a pregnancy I get really upset (not to their face). I'm not happy for them and I genuinely wish they weren't pregnant. When someone says they are having fertility issues I feel relief because that person becomes 'safe'. It's really very unpleasant and difficult to understand for anyone who hasn't been through it.

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    babyla  (26-11-2015),BettyW  (26-11-2015),Cdro  (03-12-2015)

  6. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sally1981 View Post
    @babyla don't worry I didn't interpret your post like that. I was more trying to provide an insight into the messed up way still parents think. I'm pragmatic enough to know it's messed up but I'm not strong enough to change it.

    It's the jealousy really, that gets you. It makes you hate yourself. Every time someone I know announces a pregnancy I get really upset (not to their face). I'm not happy for them and I genuinely wish they weren't pregnant. When someone says they are having fertility issues I feel relief because that person becomes 'safe'. It's really very unpleasant and difficult to understand for anyone who hasn't been through it.
    It's different to what you had to go through but I get those feelings, I think it's a really normal feeling even though it's so un pleasant. Be kind to yourself! I remember ttc for 18 months and it was so difficult hearing about other pregnancies and I know that feeling of a sense of comraderie that fertility issues brings. There's something so primal about it and you can't help feeling like it.


 

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