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  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clementine Grace View Post
    As easy as that hey. Ask a man to do something and he'll just do it... Not always that simple.
    But why can't it be? Genuine question. If two parts of a couple work why can't they both be expected to pull their weight at home? God my DH would find himself very much alone if he didn't take on half the load. Raising kids is more than just paying bills and playing fun games in the backyard.

    Maybe it's because my dad was always around, and so was my FIL when DH was little, or maybe I'm just getting old and sick of hearing my friends make excuses for why their husbands are so useless.

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  3. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clementine Grace View Post
    As easy as that hey. Ask a man to do something and he'll just do it... Not always that simple.
    Women, for the most part, have more control over their destiny that what you give them credit for.

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  5. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    But why can't it be? Genuine question. If two parts of a couple work why can't they both be expected to pull their weight at home? God my DH would find himself very much alone if he didn't take on half the load. Raising kids is more than just paying bills and playing fun games in the backyard.

    Maybe it's because my dad was always around, and so was my FIL when DH was little, or maybe I'm just getting old and sick of hearing my friends make excuses for why their husbands are so useless.
    Well I guess it should be that simple. In reality it's probably not. I know a lot of husbands who just leave it all up to their wives and it's not for lack of them asking for help or being meek with no voice.

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  7. #64
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    Default Is he right?

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Women, for the most part, have more control over their destiny that what you give them credit for.
    Thats deep..

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    I know plenty of women who plead with their partners for help at home and with the kids. Like the op. I would think its a very common tale.

  9. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clementine Grace View Post
    Well I guess it should be that simple. In reality it's probably not. I know a lot of husbands who just leave it all up to their wives and it's not for lack of them asking for help or being meek with no voice.
    But on the flip side I see so many of my friends who just tolerate so much BS from their partners and then ***** and moan about it rather than actually do anything. Or they quietly enjoy holding the power in the house.

    Sorry OP completely OT and I think you're situation is different. It's just something I've been ruminating over lately.

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  11. #67
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    And just to add to in response to the OP, not helping etc is one thing but barely spending time with the kids? That would be the final straw for me. Even when DH and I are at our most exhausted and over it the kids still come first and just have to.

    Being with his kids should be a joy not a burden.

  12. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    But on the flip side I see so many of my friends who just tolerate so much BS from their partners and then ***** and moan about it rather than actually do anything. Or they quietly enjoy holding the power in the house.

    Sorry OP completely OT and I think you're situation is different. It's just something I've been ruminating over lately.
    I guess I know a few people who've tried everything they can think of to get their partners to understand how overwhelmed they are but they still really don't get the help they need.

    My partner for example works fulltime and travels quite a bit for a week or so at a time is really only in the last 6-8 months starting to realise, after spending a few full days at home alone with our DS just how challenging and crazy active he is and how much he exhausts me.

    I know a lot of households where the hubby might be helpful and hands on but it's certainly not a 50/50 split at all.

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  14. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    But on the flip side I see so many of my friends who just tolerate so much BS from their partners and then ***** and moan about it rather than actually do anything. Or they quietly enjoy holding the power in the house.

    Sorry OP completely OT and I think you're situation is different. It's just something I've been ruminating over lately.
    I think though, it comes down to a few things. Personality is one. I notice those of us that say that sh*t just wouldn't happen in our house are quite strong non nonsense women. One of my friends is so meek. Partly bc of her personality, partly bc he's emotionally beaten her into that place. Sometimes, from their perspective, it's easier to just let it go and whinge to their friends over a few drunken wines than it is to have ongoing arguments? Obviously I don't agree, but I guess I'm just trying to put out there why some women put up with it.

    I also think it's upbringing like you say. My mother was a Germaine Greer level femo when I grew up lol she's softened a little but still is. We never had a good relationship, but one thing I always remember her telling me is "Don't ever think you can change a man. You may be able to buff them up like a stone and improve them a little, but you can't change they are a stone". And she also told me to always speak up and stick up for myself. She's had some really dysfunctional relationships, so I promised myself I would learn.

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    I guess what I'd like to know is whether these men were slack before they became parents and it just exacerbated it or whether having kids fundamentally changed them.

    The women I know are intelligent and not meek at all. They just seem prepared to tolerate a level of ****tiness I find strange.

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