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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clementine Grace View Post
    ^^^ me too. I don't know too many dads who are up till 11pm packing lunches or folding washing or ordering groceries online. Might be just me. And you. I doubt it though.
    Nope. I'm talking online to a bunch of mums right now about this very topic. Some are at home, some work. Lots agree that a mother has so much more responsibility within the home, even if she works the same hours as her partner. That a mother that has her kids while her DH goes fishing is just a mother. But a father who has his kids while his wife goes somewhere is this amazing, selfless martyr and she should be so lucky to have him.

    My DH is generally pretty good. Like I say, he's an excellent plugged in father. But he is in the minority in my circle.

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  3. #52
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    Default Is he right?

    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Given there are all women in this thread talking to each other, and the OP is a woman I would have thought it was a given we are talking about women? At least in my experience it isn't a sweeping statement. A majority of the men I know work for 8 hours then lounge around while their partner (working or SAHM) runs herself ragged until she falls into bed.

    It's like we need to have a 5000 word essay every time we post covering every single angle, possibility or opinion so as not to offend anyone *sighs*
    I'm a mum and I don't work 24/7. Same goes for many of my friends. Many mums do work 24/7 but not all of us.

    This wasn't meant to be argumentative. I just want to get out there that not all women feel like slaves and I don't think we should have to. Sometimes we will when there is a rough patch but it shouldn't be normal.
    Last edited by babyno1onboard; 23-11-2015 at 19:56.

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  5. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clementine Grace View Post
    ^^^ me too. I don't know too many dads who are up till 11pm packing lunches or folding washing or ordering groceries online. Might be just me. And you. I doubt it though.
    I came home from work at 10.30pm last night to my dh folding the washing...and he just left to go grocery shopping while I clean the bathroom and floors....I don't see that as parenting though...our kids are in bed, these are home duties.
    You are right though, statistically women do much more of the child rearing/ domestic duties stuff...however, I really think women need to fight for it to be thi way. I was a sahm who did 95% of the house stuff so that dh could parent when he was home. Now we both work, and he immediately started doing more, but there were some things that took time and lots of discussions. Had I not said something it wouldn't have changed because he was happy with the extra workload he was doing.
    On the other hand, I would leave if I had someone who didn't do anything to help, ignored the kids and b!tched about how easy I have it. I way too much self worth to put up with that crap.

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  7. #54
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    Default Is he right?

    Quote Originally Posted by Full House View Post
    I came home from work at 10.30pm last night to my dh folding the washing...and he just left to go grocery shopping while I clean the bathroom and floors....I don't see that as parenting though...our kids are in bed, these are home duties.
    You are right though, statistically women do much more of the child rearing/ domestic duties stuff...however, I really think women need to fight for it to be thi way. I was a sahm who did 95% of the house stuff so that dh could parent when he was home. Now we both work, and he immediately started doing more, but there were some things that took time and lots of discussions. Had I not said something it wouldn't have changed because he was happy with the extra workload he was doing.
    On the other hand, I would leave if I had someone who didn't do anything to help, ignored the kids and b!tched about how easy I have it. I way too much self worth to put up with that crap.
    That really great your partner helps a lot domestically. In my circles both in real life and online, it's really not that way. They help out when asked but will usually leave it to the mum, if they can, especially in regards to parenting. I work 3 days a week and though my partner will cook and he'll also clean (especially now so I'm pregnant and need extra help) I still do 95% of the parenting and most of the stuff on the home front. I do all the drs appointments, buy all clothes/toys, organise anything to do with our child, groceries, all washing, all finance/bills, booking of all holidays and home admin, all christmas organisation etc. I don't mind it, but it's pretty standard in my world of mums. My partner isn't lazy he does a lot of home projects, takes care of the garden and cars etc and he spends time with our DS after work and on weekends. but i still feel like I go from dawn till dusk, with a very active non sleeping child. Having said that, I am grateful to have a partner who agrees that it's best for our family that I work part time and is happy to work hard and bring home the bacon.

    Unfortunately super domestic, super involved dads are pretty few and far between in the ones that I know.
    Last edited by Clementine Grace; 23-11-2015 at 20:13.

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  9. #55
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    There are things that are my responsibility because I'm better at them, and there are things that are DH's responsibility, because he is better at them (eg. I sort out the kids wardrobes each season and go shopping, whereas he won't because he hates it and is hopeless at it....it's a running joke in our family that they'd be nudists if I was gone. But DH does all things art/craft related because I hate it and am hopeless at!) We look at work hours/domestic duties/parenting duties and divide them in a way that works for us for that time in our lives. I don't live in a magical fairy land, nor did I score some super exceptional amazing man...I just chose to spend my life with a man that is happy to be a team player, and is willing to negotiate and discuss commitments as life circumstances change. In my circle of friends I see both parents working together in the way that suits them...even though it is different to the way DH and I work.
    It doesn't have to be an even 50/50 split...but both partners should be happy and feel valued for their role in the family.
    Also, I just think anyone who is actively involved with their kids feels like they are non stop from the time they get up to the time they go to bed. Adulthood is hard work!

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  11. #56
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    Sorry for all my missed words...my phone is eating them.

  12. #57
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    I was happy doing most of the housework when we only had 2 kids and they had 10 hours a week of childcare. I'd rush around trying do it all so we could enjoy family time at weekends and evenings we both had free. Fast forward a few years bigger house and another kid and they all got so used to me doing everything it's now all my job. He still has his evenings. When I tried to explain this significant change and how I couldn't manage it all and was and still am falling apart it's still up to me to organise what needs to be done. He might help if I direct him to do x but the responsibility is all down to me. Sometimes it's even just the thinking about what needs to be done is the taxing part and be so nice to feel like we were in it together!

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Given there are all women in this thread talking to each other, and the OP is a woman I would have thought it was a given we are talking about women? At least in my experience it isn't a sweeping statement. A majority of the men I know work for 8 hours then lounge around while their partner (working or SAHM) runs herself ragged until she falls into bed.

    I*
    Gee your friends need to find their inner voice and tell their hubby's to pull their fingers out.

    In my circle it's 50-50. In 50% of the couples the mums do more than the dad. The other 50% it's the dads that do more.

  14. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Gee your friends need to find their inner voice and tell their hubby's to pull their fingers out.

    .
    As easy as that hey. Ask a man to do something and he'll just do it... Not always that simple.

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  16. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Gee your friends need to find their inner voice and tell their hubby's to pull their fingers out.
    Yep I agree, that just wouldn't fly in my house. But unfortunately not every couple has a healthy relationship where they value and respect each other and their roles. Nor does every woman have a loud voice as you and I do. I've tried to tell a few of them, but that's another thread lol

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