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  1. #41
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    Default Is he right?

    Quote Originally Posted by Freyamum View Post
    Why do you hate the sahm is 24/7 argument? It probably depends on your kids, house, support vs what type of job you do. Personally I have never found any job ever came close to being as hard as being a sahm to 3 kids in high maintenance house. Full time job + part time masters degree feels like a holiday!!
    I don't argue that being a SAHM isn't really, really hard work as I've done it but I don't really get the whole "being a sahm is 24/7" either. Aren't all mums (and or parents) 24/7? Whether you work full time or part time or not at all, you're still a parent 24/7 so your job continues the minute you get home from work if you do work.

    Op maybe you both need to sit down and talk to each other honestly. See if you can get to the heart of what's going on, I don't think he's currently being very fair on you, sounds like you are doing most of the parenting. Can you maybe try and get him to help you with playtime/baths/bedtime etc. one or two designated nights a week to start?
    Last edited by Clementine Grace; 23-11-2015 at 18:04.

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  3. #42
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    I'm not going to get into which is harder. Both are hard and valuable, just in different ways. Some SAHM's have family support and therefore a break, others don't. Some have one child, others have 4, some kids are easy, some are high maintenance (like mine ).

    As to the OP, I'd want to proverbially strangle your husband after about 40 seconds of hearing his crap. As a long term SAHM, I'm so tired of the 'you sit on your a@se' rubbish. In our house I do 95% of the housework, which I'm completely fine with. I don't have an outside job, DH does. But hell yes, I expect him to do stuff with the kids when he gets home. My DH always tells me what a good job I do, that he knows how hard I work (and I really do), that the house would fall apart within 5 secs without me.

    Your husband is a jerk. Had you said the family was really struggling financially I would say maybe you should get some work but you say the family is quite comfortable. Does he have to work 12 hour days? Why can't he cut down to 8, it sounds like you can afford it?

    I couldn't stay with someone that held such contempt for my role in the family.

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  5. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clementine Grace View Post
    I don't argue that being a SAHM isn't really, really hard work as I've done it but I don't really get the whole "being a sahm is 24/7" either. Aren't all mums (and or parents) 24/7? Whether you work full time or part time or not at all, you're still a parent 24/7 so your job continues the minute you get home from work if you do work.

    Op maybe you both need to sit down and talk to each other honestly. See if you can get to the heart of what's going on, I don't think he's currently being very fair on you, sounds like you are doing most of the parenting. Can you maybe try and get him to help you with playtime/baths/bedtime etc. one or two designated nights a week to start?
    I think perhaps the 24/7 thing is used when one parent works but comes home and doesn't really chip in so for the sahp its 24/7 as they don't get a break from parenting. You aren't really parenting while u are at work...if that makes sense?

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  7. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by SoThisIsLove View Post
    I think perhaps the 24/7 thing is used when one parent works but comes home and doesn't really chip in so for the sahp its 24/7 as they don't get a break from parenting. You aren't really parenting while u are at work...if that makes sense?
    Yeah totally get that i just hear it quite often "being a sahm is a 24/7 job". Rather than just being a parent is a 24/7 job. In this case too, the op is the parent 24/7 with almost zero help which i think is really unfair.

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  9. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clementine Grace View Post
    Yeah totally get that i just hear it quite often "being a sahm is a 24/7 job". Rather than just being a parent is a 24/7 job. In this case too, the op is the parent 24/7 with almost zero help which i think is really unfair.
    Totally. That's why it peeves me off when one parent feels they can pick and choose when they want to be a dad / mum. Its irresponsible and selfish

  10. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by SoThisIsLove View Post
    Totally. That's why it peeves me off when one parent feels they can pick and choose when they want to be a dad / mum. Its irresponsible and selfish
    Totally agree. Ultimately one parent can't choose because the kids need to be looked after and it has to be done. So it can all fall to one and I know what that's like and it's not fair.

    I guess too there are all kinds of sahm's. Some (and not all!) have kids that sleep 3 hours a day and get a break, some go to day care a few days so they get some time, some sahm mums do get a break during the day (sounds like the OP does not) which is why I don't always get the "sahm mums are 24/7" as a blanket statement as opposed to mums who work outside the home. I guess I feel like all mums are working 24/7, maybe it just feels that way to me!

  11. #47
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    I completely agree all mums work 24/7. Working mums are at work then parent while home never having a break, SAHM never get a break either.

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  13. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I completely agree all mums work 24/7. Working mums are at work then parent while home never having a break, SAHM never get a break either.
    This is a very broad general sweeping statement! Not all mums work 24/7 and plenty of dads work 24/7.

    Can we all agree that parenting can be difficult, tiring, challenging and incredibly rewarding, made easier by supportive spouses, family and friends?

  14. #49
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    Given there are all women in this thread talking to each other, and the OP is a woman I would have thought it was a given we are talking about women? At least in my experience it isn't a sweeping statement. A majority of the men I know work for 8 hours then lounge around while their partner (working or SAHM) runs herself ragged until she falls into bed.

    It's like we need to have a 5000 word essay every time we post covering every single angle, possibility or opinion so as not to offend anyone *sighs*

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  16. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Given there are all women in this thread talking to each other, and the OP is a woman I would have thought it was a given we are talking about women? At least in my experience it isn't a sweeping statement. A majority of the men I know work for 8 hours then lounge around while their partner (working or SAHM) runs herself ragged until she falls into bed.

    *
    ^^^ me too. I don't know too many dads who are up till 11pm packing lunches or folding washing or ordering groceries online. Might be just me. And you. I doubt it though.

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