I read this article ages ago! He puts a numerical value on everything his wife does!
he sounds like an a$sh0le.
stop taking his crap.
Generally I am a believer that both spouses should have equal free time from the moment the second spouse arrives home.
That being said if one spouse has quite a bit more downtime during the day then I would expect them to do more 'after hours.' Are your 4 and 6 year olds easy kids? Are you able to sit down and have a 30 minute lunch break or a 15 minute cuppa? Do you meet friends for lunch? How much time does it take you to prepare for the kids classes or is most of he work pre-prepared by a central education office? If your work day is relatively slow paced and you have downtime then I probably would xerox you do do most of the house duties.
Whose idea was it to home school? If if was yours and you're hubby wasn't really in board I can see why he may be resentful. There's a lot of pressure on someone when they are the sole financial provider. If you are struggling financially and the decision to homeschool was a lifestyle one then you may have to reconsider. Lifestyle comes second when bills need to be paid. If your home business is more hobby based and unlikely to bring in any real $$ then that could just be adding salt into the wound.
It's sad that hubby doesn't spend much time with the kids. Maybe he's just ****ed off at you and the kids are getting caught in the middle? Maybe it's the middle of hectic time (bath bed) when he gets home and it's a little overwhelming. Maybe bringing forward the kids routine to ensure they were fed and bathed by the time daddy gets home would help? Daddy and kids could have some quality time together as opposed to struggling through the night routine.
Last edited by VicPark; 22-11-2015 at 08:07.
I do all of the housework and I'm happy to do so. When I say I'd like him to help out I mean I'd like him to watch the kids while I get stuff done or maybe help tidy some toys while I do everything else.
I finish in the kitchen then move on to the lounge room, then play room, then bedroom. He just sits on his phone while I do it all. It would be nice if he just picked a few things up instead of sitting on his bum telling me how messy the place is. It's exhausting!!
The kids are a handful. Not in a bad way, just non stop all day 😊
Homeschooling was a mutual decision.
He has a good paying job, money isn't the issue at all. He's always been funny about money though.
Anyway, thanks for all your comments xx
If I was working 12 hour days I really wouldn't want to come home and tidy up. Or cook. I could think of nothing worse - I need wind down time. If I don't get it I get snappy. I am a clean a phobe (just check my shoes off in the house thread on here) however I would rather live in a messy house that clean up after working 12 hour days, 5 days per week. Not trying to be narky, that's just how I feel.
Is there any fat that can be trimmed from your daily routine so you are not doing housework in the evening? Can you put the kids in front of the TV for 30 minutes before hubby gets home and tidy up? Can your older kid help?
Can you work your business at night?
If not - can you afford a cleaner?
Working full time and with young kids I love my cleaner.
Last edited by VicPark; 22-11-2015 at 10:18.
If I come home after an afternoon shift and hubby hasn't gotten around to cleaning up after dinner and hasn't got the kids to clear away their stuff I leave him to it...because yes he worked and then came home and took care of kids after work, but I did kid duty and house duties before going to work so the evening stuff is his. Cleaning up after work when someone else has been home is the last thing I want to do....
However, your husband is not treating you with respect, and that needs to be adressed before you work on the division of chores. If he wants you to stay home and home school then he needs to be prepared to be the bread winner and respect what you do each day.
On a side note....I hate the whole 'their job ends after x amount of hours but my job as a sahm is 24/7' argument and I would avoid using it in your discussion....even though he isn't doing anything at home at the moment. I know when I was a SAHM it was much easier than what DH was doing at work each day.
It sounds like he and you both have a terrible work/life balance, and he is lashing out at you because of it. It is not acceptable for him to behave that way but he sounds overworked and that needs to change. Can you approach him and discuss with him that you feel like he is stressed, tired, and overworked? Can you ask him to give you a solution that would improve his quality of life? That solution should involve things that he can do and things he might want you to do. You should consider the same thing. What do you need to make you happier/less stressed/less tired? Put the kids in CC 1 day a week? Get a sitter? Get a cleaner? If you come at it with the angle that things need to change and you are both willing to make changes then it will take the pressure off the accusing/martyr type relationship where everyone competes to see who has it harder. It sounds like it's very hard on both of you. Good luck.
Great suggestions here, also try and spend some time alone together and have a laugh. I know, it's difficult to manage and can even feel a little strange or awkward when you've been in the business-like roles of mum & dad to young children for years. But it's so, so important to your relationship to enjoy being together at least now and then, and the kids rely on your relationship being healthy. You two are really number one in the family, if that makes sense.
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