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  1. #1
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    Default Is he right?

    My husband works 5 days a week. He leaves at around 6:00am and gets home at around 6-6:30pm. He does Auto Electrical work.

    I'm a stay at home Mum. I have two kids DD is 6 and DS is 4. I homeschool & I'm starting up a small home business to help with money.

    When I ask my husband for help he says - "I work! I don't get to lay around and look after the kids all day" or "You chose to be a stay at home mum so you can do what you should be doing"

    When I mention anything about money - "When are you going to contribute to the family?" (Apparently looking after our children and educating them isn't contributing)

    When I have a bad period - "Everyone else seems to manage, why can't you?"

    Is he right? Because I chose to be a SAHM, should I do everything?
    Should he come home, sit on his bum and stare at his phone all night?

    He barely spends time with the kids.
    He only comes near me when he wants sex.
    He says he's tired but so am I!? Unlike him I don't get to stop everything at 6:30pm, have my dinner cooked for me and have someone clean up after me. I'm going non stop from the time I wake up until I go to bed.

    I really feel like he should help out a bit or at least spend time with the kids. Am I being unreasonable?

    TIA xxx

  2. #2
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    Big hug for u supermum!
    Know u are amazing, and all that u do is priceless whether ur partner recognises it or not!

    I feel ur pain. Been there.
    Partners can be so frustrating.

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    tabab215  (21-11-2015)

  4. #3
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    No, he's not right and he's either one of two things:
    1) A complete jerk stuck in the 1950's.
    2) Feeling pressure being the sole financial provider and resenting that you are a SAHM and homeschooling when he needs you to be contributing financially.
    It can be really stressful being the sole financial provider so I think you need to have a talk and determine which one he is (jerk or stressed) and make a plan from there.

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    tabab215  (21-11-2015)

  6. #4
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    Nope hes being not very nice.
    'When you lay the costs associated with childcare I'll contribute to the family'

    Childcare is about 90$ a day per child.

  7. #5
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    No brainer here OP, he's not right.

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  9. #6
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    Default Is he right?

    It sound like there is resentment about you being a SAHP. Was the decision for you to be a SAHP and for your DH to work mutual? Can your family financially afford for you to be a SAHP? If the answer to both of these questions is yes then it does sound like he's plain old being a jerk. If the answer to one or both of those questions is no then it might help for the both of you to further discuss if you being a SAHP is right for your family.

    Either way he is not treating you well. If he has concerns with you being a SAHP there are nicer ways to address it. He shouldn't talk to you like that. And he should spend time with his children regardless.
    Last edited by babyno1onboard; 21-11-2015 at 19:34.

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  11. #7
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    My ex was like that.
    It's just rude. He "works" 12hrs a day/5 days a week, you work 24/7.
    He should be getting off his butt to give you a hand.

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    Nemmi1987  (22-11-2015),SSecret Squirrel  (21-11-2015)

  13. #8
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    If you're at home I think it's reasonable that you do most (not all) of the housework. I don't think it's fair though that he doesn't spend time with the kids. When my DH comes home I don't expect him to do much housework but I definitely do expect him to play and interact with DD. In fact by that time of day I'm usually happy to get on with some housework while they go and play!
    I think its very important for kids to spend time with both parents and I think it's important for my DH to develop his relationship with DD, it kind of automatically happens with me because im with her all day but he only has an hour or two.
    It's also not ok that he belittles you. Your job is just as important as his, even if it doesn't bring an income into the house. If he is feeling financially stressed about you staying at home then he needs to talk to you about it sensibly and respectfully and you can make some decisions together.
    Hope things get better for you soon

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  15. #9
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    Obviously it is tough on your DH working 12 hours but it's exhausting being a SAHM too especially when you seem to juggling a lot with homeschooling, a younger child, starting a business and keeping house. Yes, I think majority of stuff should be done by you but your DH should help out too. He should want to spend time with his children and wife when he gets home, even just the showering or cooking a meal here and there.
    I would put money into perspective for him, if he brings up 'you choose to be a SAHM' let him know exactly how much it costs to work with children. School costs, before and after school care, child care costs etc- sometimes it's just not worth it.

  16. #10
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    Have a look at mothersathomemattertoo. It's an English Facebook page / website but I love their posts. They are trying to get society in general to value care. I've recently realised that it's not just society out there, politicians etc, it's my own partner who is just bad in not valuing my role in the house / society and I'm afraid it looks like yours too. Has he ever been home alone all day with them and house and been able to see how much work goes into it? A few years ago when my dp was unhappy at work I suggested he quit and I'd find work. His reaction was "I couldn't just do nothing at home all day". Do nothing!!!!???? I've been trying to get mine to take a day of to walk a day in my shoes, but he won't. Sucks that there's more than one of them out there still!

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