Can you afford a cleaner? I'd be telling unless he's willing to help out, you'll get someone to come and do it. We have one that comes a couple of hours a fortnight. Gives the place a good clean so I only have to keep it tidy and mop up spills/mess. Much better than trying to do things with my DD following me trying to help or begging for my attention. I got someone in as like I said, hubby doesn't clean and I was sick of simple job taking hours (no joke, with all DD's interruptions and being clingy, it took me over an hour to clean the shower one day) so we got someone in and I've got no intention of letting them go!
Def lazy, but it seems the bigger issue here is he doesn't respect you or your role as a SAHM. If my DH told me I sit at home doing nothing I'd go postal.
My DH works FT, and isn't great with the housework unless I ask him to do something. I'm not overly bothered by that as he works and he is good with the kids. He's an amazing father, in some ways he's a better parent than I am. Some days I'm so spent from the baby, the house etc and complain to DH how exhausted I am. He tells me he knows how hard I work, that everyone appreciates what a wonderful mum and wife I am and to go pour a glass of wine and slip into a bubble bath. I think if your DH actually respected your role and realised what you do he'd be more inclined to help. So I believe you seriously need to address that before his laziness.
Like many others my DH doesn't always clean or do things unless I ask (we do have different ideas on how 'clean' things should be). If I ask him - he will do it without grumbling (usually). Also if I have worked my butt off in a cleaning spree or fold/put away all his clothes (I like doing it - I find it relaxing) he always notices and says thanks and that I've done a great job.
I do think he is being unfair and ungrateful. TBH (this might be the worst idea in the world thiugh) if your kids are old enough for chores then its time for a chore chart which includes you AND your DP. Just like the kids there are consequences if things are not done. Good way for him to set a good example.
Can't afford a cleaner unfortunately. Can't afford yard maintenance either. We have a garden bag that gets picked up every month but there's never anything in it. Like jesus he doesn't even mow the yard. We got a brand new mower and whipper snipper 5 months ago and it's been used twice. He says he will do it and when I say I'm going to mow the yard he says 'no, I don't want you too strain yourself' but he doesn't do it anyway.
I don't really know what to do about it as I've pretty much done everything I can in a nice and civil manor with no success.
Right now he is outside with a mate that he came home with and is apparently going to be here for a few hours. He has done nothing but ignore us and tell the kids to be quiet as they've been crying for his company since he got home. I don't even want them outside with him because I know he isn't going to watch them properly and we don't have a front fence.
When I was a sahm my dh didn't help much with housework although would help with children and do outside work. When I work part time he helps more with housework.
He works 12hr days though and I don't ask/expect him to do housework. I'd prefer him to help with child related things like dinnertime, bath, bed and play outside etc
My DP does most of the outside work, I do most of the inside housework, but I'm happy to do it. My DP is a tradie so he does a very physical job all day. I try to let him rest when he gets home.
I was forced into the SAHM role when my DD was diagnosed with cancer. I now see it as my job to run the household and it's DP's job to bring the money in.
Each to their own, but I don't feel like I struggle to get everything done. There are times when I have to let my standards slip, like when DD is in and out of hospital, but DP is great. He picks up the slack when we have to come into hospital and doesn't expect everything to be perfect. We're a little bit old fashioned, but we're both happy and it works for us.
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