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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Olive Oil View Post
    You are not his slave... I would go on strike. If he's hungry, he can feed himself, if he wants clean clothes, he can do it himself etc

    I would not tolerate that sort of laziness. Lift your game or leave buddy.
    I have said things like 'thats it I'm not doing this anymore' and 'if you can sit around and do nothing then so can i' but he knows I'm going to clean everything eventually because I hate mess. He knows I will give in and just do it.

  2. #22
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    Can you afford a cleaner? I'd be telling unless he's willing to help out, you'll get someone to come and do it. We have one that comes a couple of hours a fortnight. Gives the place a good clean so I only have to keep it tidy and mop up spills/mess. Much better than trying to do things with my DD following me trying to help or begging for my attention. I got someone in as like I said, hubby doesn't clean and I was sick of simple job taking hours (no joke, with all DD's interruptions and being clingy, it took me over an hour to clean the shower one day) so we got someone in and I've got no intention of letting them go!

  3. #23
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    Def lazy, but it seems the bigger issue here is he doesn't respect you or your role as a SAHM. If my DH told me I sit at home doing nothing I'd go postal.

    My DH works FT, and isn't great with the housework unless I ask him to do something. I'm not overly bothered by that as he works and he is good with the kids. He's an amazing father, in some ways he's a better parent than I am. Some days I'm so spent from the baby, the house etc and complain to DH how exhausted I am. He tells me he knows how hard I work, that everyone appreciates what a wonderful mum and wife I am and to go pour a glass of wine and slip into a bubble bath. I think if your DH actually respected your role and realised what you do he'd be more inclined to help. So I believe you seriously need to address that before his laziness.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Def lazy, but it seems the bigger issue here is he doesn't respect you or your role as a SAHM. If my DH told me I sit at home doing nothing I'd go postal.

    My DH works FT, and isn't great with the housework unless I ask him to do something. I'm not overly bothered by that as he works and he is good with the kids. He's an amazing father, in some ways he's a better parent than I am. Some days I'm so spent from the baby, the house etc and complain to DH how exhausted I am. He tells me he knows how hard I work, that everyone appreciates what a wonderful mum and wife I am and to go pour a glass of wine and slip into a bubble bath. I think if your DH actually respected your role and realised what you do he'd be more inclined to help. So I believe you seriously need to address that before his laziness.
    I agree with this a lot. Adding to my previous comment, my DH appreciates me no end. I know that for sure. He also thinks I should sit down and not do anything once kids are in bed (like dishes etc). Don't really know how expects it to get done tho if he doesn't want to do it and doesn't think I should either...

  5. #25
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    Like many others my DH doesn't always clean or do things unless I ask (we do have different ideas on how 'clean' things should be). If I ask him - he will do it without grumbling (usually). Also if I have worked my butt off in a cleaning spree or fold/put away all his clothes (I like doing it - I find it relaxing) he always notices and says thanks and that I've done a great job.

    I do think he is being unfair and ungrateful. TBH (this might be the worst idea in the world thiugh) if your kids are old enough for chores then its time for a chore chart which includes you AND your DP. Just like the kids there are consequences if things are not done. Good way for him to set a good example.

  6. #26
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    Can't afford a cleaner unfortunately. Can't afford yard maintenance either. We have a garden bag that gets picked up every month but there's never anything in it. Like jesus he doesn't even mow the yard. We got a brand new mower and whipper snipper 5 months ago and it's been used twice. He says he will do it and when I say I'm going to mow the yard he says 'no, I don't want you too strain yourself' but he doesn't do it anyway.
    I don't really know what to do about it as I've pretty much done everything I can in a nice and civil manor with no success.
    Right now he is outside with a mate that he came home with and is apparently going to be here for a few hours. He has done nothing but ignore us and tell the kids to be quiet as they've been crying for his company since he got home. I don't even want them outside with him because I know he isn't going to watch them properly and we don't have a front fence.

  7. #27
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    When I was a sahm my dh didn't help much with housework although would help with children and do outside work. When I work part time he helps more with housework.
    He works 12hr days though and I don't ask/expect him to do housework. I'd prefer him to help with child related things like dinnertime, bath, bed and play outside etc

  8. #28
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    My DP does most of the outside work, I do most of the inside housework, but I'm happy to do it. My DP is a tradie so he does a very physical job all day. I try to let him rest when he gets home.

    I was forced into the SAHM role when my DD was diagnosed with cancer. I now see it as my job to run the household and it's DP's job to bring the money in.

    Each to their own, but I don't feel like I struggle to get everything done. There are times when I have to let my standards slip, like when DD is in and out of hospital, but DP is great. He picks up the slack when we have to come into hospital and doesn't expect everything to be perfect. We're a little bit old fashioned, but we're both happy and it works for us.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by fluffykitty View Post
    Can't afford a cleaner unfortunately. Can't afford yard maintenance either. We have a garden bag that gets picked up every month but there's never anything in it. Like jesus he doesn't even mow the yard. We got a brand new mower and whipper snipper 5 months ago and it's been used twice. He says he will do it and when I say I'm going to mow the yard he says 'no, I don't want you too strain yourself' but he doesn't do it anyway.
    I don't really know what to do about it as I've pretty much done everything I can in a nice and civil manor with no success.
    Right now he is outside with a mate that he came home with and is apparently going to be here for a few hours. He has done nothing but ignore us and tell the kids to be quiet as they've been crying for his company since he got home. I don't even want them outside with him because I know he isn't going to watch them properly and we don't have a front fence.
    If you have done everything in s nice civil manger then it's time for sh1t to get ugly. It's time to get the cranky pants on and kick some a55. Has to be done

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by shani2 View Post
    My DH is exactly as you described. I work casually at the moment but usually at least 2 shifts a week - either on the weekend when he's got the kids or on a Monday when mum has them.

    We go in cycles. I get completely jack of doing everything and either loose it (cue tears and a fight) or am more diplomatic and being it up in a nice way at the right time about not feeling valued at all and like I'm expected to cook, clean and follow around after everyone being there hand maiden. Then he improves for a bit, we agree on him doing hand dishes while I stack dishwasher once kids are in bed and we tidy up kids toys together and in about 20 mins it's all done.

    Then a week or so later he does less and less until I'm back to doing it all again. Then rinse and repeat.

    Drives me nuts. Thing is DH just thinks leave it, it doesn't matter, therefore because I want it done cos I don't want to live in a pig sty, I'll do it and just get angrier and angrier.

    Sorry I'm not much help. Luckily my DH will shower the kids, as in, he will have a shower and I will bring in the baby and then go get him once he is cleaned, but at least it's something!
    You just described my house! What is really starting to make things worse is that that kids mimic his behaviour and don't help either - they see him doing next to nothing so argue when I want them to pick up their toys. I'm sick of the mess in my house but I'm sick of being solely responsible for tidying it up.


 

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