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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by mummymaybe View Post
    I meant to quote not like, oops!!!

    I like to think I'm mindful of what's going on with other people and the fact they may be struggling but I have to say there is no excuse to bully someone or if you can't accept its bullying being mean.

    I work with a lady who treats me like crap, the only one in a large work environment and to be honest I don't give a toss why she does it, there is no excuse.

    We all have stuff going on, plenty of people have mental health issues and it should absolutely not give them a free ride to behave however they want.

    I would consider myself an insightful with fairly good emotional intelligence and I can't for the life of me work out what this persons problem.

    What you are saying is it's the victims ( not sure what else to call them) fault for not fixing it. Well that's just victim blaming. I can assure you it isn't my fault that my colleague chooses to target and belittle me and I can guarantee the OP is the same.
    I don't think Vicpark was saying that at all?

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  3. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I think there is a myth that bullies are of low intellect with a chip on their shoulder, thus why they do it. But apparently that is not true, most are intellectually and emotionally intelligent and quite crafty about how they go about the bullying in order to cover their tracks and gas light their victims. So while I agree that sometimes it may be over sensitivity or misunderstandings, often it's the bully carefully laying the ground work for their defence.

    When I was young I worked in an office with a much older male boss. Not long after starting the boss was making comments to myself and other staff about the performance and work practice of the 2IC. Over the course of about 6 months the boss caught the 2IC out on things to the point he asked for his resignation or he'd be sacked. I personally agreed he needed to go. But then as time when on, there became a long line of staff he would develop a dislike of. By now I was 2IC and privy to much more info and he would essentially set up these staff until he got dirt of them, then like the first IC would force them into resignation. He then started to make staff, including myself, implicit in 'gathering evidence' against the staff. Some of this evidence was muddy at best.

    Finally I got pg and literally overnight the boss's behaviour towards me did a complete 180. he went from singing my praises and telling me I was his best worker, to introducing me as 'the pregnant one'. He would jump on me over things all the other staff did and he didn't blink an eye over. Then right before mat leave he tried his trap setting on me. Unfortunately for him I not only come out of it squeaky clean but with him looking stupid and petty in front of other managers. He was a bully. Period. If he decided he didn't like you, he'd plot to get rid of you until he did. He was highly intelligent, well educated and well respected in the field.
    Yikes. That's not just bullying. That's psychopathic!

  4. #43
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    Hi all!
    This an amazing response I am so glad I opened this conversation!

    A few few quick things yes I know it's bullying as it's been going on for a while, and it's just me.
    she does bring her bagagge to work so when she has a crap day she takes it out on me ( I don't think it's fair I should be her emotional punching bag, I have had **** few weeks too but don't take it out on other staff)
    i know exactly why she does it which makes it worse. I am younger then her and better at my work then her and have a better relationship with our manager. All of things make her feel threatened and her reaction is to attack me. But what do I do stop being good at my job?..... Not an option a) in my industry b) with my personality and work ethic.

    So! Manager has arranged for me to met with an industry councillor to get a third party involved and set up strategies to help the situation. He may even force her to met with the councillor and they will call out the behaviour and why?

    I am unsure if this will fix it, but he is trying.


    i was speaking with another member of staff and she said it's not the first time our Ceo has heard this, while I don't want to get her fired I am not willing to let her continue to get away with this behaviour because if it's not me it will be the next young girl then she will never learn! And I don't believe unrewarding bad behaviour

    Please feel free to keep the advice coming I find it so amazing to have people with shared experiences and able to help point in the right way! I am not young but still navigating some experiences in life!

    Thanks ladies sending my love to everyone!

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    babyno1onboard  (21-11-2015),kriista  (20-11-2015),Mamasupial  (20-11-2015),mummymaybe  (20-11-2015)

  6. #44
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    You go girl. Keep us posted

  7. #45
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    So today was the first day I had a bit of a face to face with my manager, and he wants me to met with the the councilor to develop a way of dealing with the bully. I feel slightly embarrassed as I respect him so much, and I don't want him to see me as if I can't handle this. But I really don't know if calling her out is the best way? And if so if you have never done it before how do you get the courage to do it? especially when you are confronting some one older then you? When I feel I should be respectful, but know she is not to me?

  8. #46
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    Bullying is not ok and needs to be tackled head on by all members of a workplace not just management.

    I want to bring up some things which could cause me to be flamed but meh.

    It is important in the workplace that as adults and professionals we check behaviour as it happens. As much as bullying is not ok neither is bottling up a series of emotions related to incidents and then going straight to management and asking them to handle it without having ever tackled any part of it yourself (this is not what I am in anyway saying the OP has or is doing). I have come across many years of managing people who never deal with any incidents and then come and ask me to wield the "big stick". A work culture relies on all workers (not just management) to check inappropriate behaviour and then seek assistance when the problem continues to be unresolved.

    In regards to your recent post OP:

    - calling her out is the best and only way to do deal with it
    - getting the courage is very hard but very worth it - you take the emotion out of it, you tell yourself that this is what you want your own child to do if they were being bullied, you remind yourself that it's up to you to stand up for yourself
    - always be respectful, it says everything about you, forget about her
    - use specific examples eg: when you spoke to me that way I found it rude/disrespectful - I need you to speak to me in a professional way

    It is hard OP but you need to do it, bullies bank on people not saying anything and she will probably look at you with more respect and if she doesn't remind yourself that she is an unhappy woman and send her your light because she probably needs it. If it continues then tell her you will be seeking mediation because you will no longer tolerate her attitude towards you.

    Good luck!

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  10. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by babyla View Post
    - use specific examples eg: when you spoke to me that way I found it rude/disrespectful - I need you to speak to me in a professional way
    !
    Agree with your previous post. Just with this bit I would suggest a bit of tweaking: removing "you" and replacing it solely with "I" statements.

    Eg "when I am spoken to in a raised voice I feel intimidated and disrespected - like my opinions don't matter. I would prefer to be spoken to in a calm manner and have a minute or two free to be able to speak myself - so I can verify that I have understood the feedback and so I can potentially raise ideas or concerns."

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  12. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by babyla View Post
    It is important in the workplace that as adults and professionals we check behaviour as it happens. As much as bullying is not ok neither is bottling up a series of emotions related to incidents and then going straight to management and asking them to handle it without having ever tackled any part of it yourself (this is not what I am in anyway saying the OP has or is doing). I have come across many years of managing people who never deal with any incidents and then come and ask me to wield the "big stick". A work culture relies on all workers (not just management) to check inappropriate behaviour and then seek assistance when the problem continues to be unresolved.
    !
    I agree 100%.

    I make it clear to my staff that inappropriate behavior is inappropriate regardless of who is the offender. Someone who sits by and does nothing when someone else is being bullied is partly culpable too.

    If someone lets inappropriate behavior go unchecked and things get bottled up, by the time management is called in it's too late - the relationships are often beyond repair.

    If the very first instances if rudeness are nipped in the bud there might be a chance of salvaging relationships and preventing WWIII from developing.

    I'm not necessarily saying that early intervention would have stopped things in the OPs case/all cases.

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  14. #49
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    So I guess this sounds like my best option is to confront her.
    Any tips on how to get up the courage to actually do that?
    It is easier said then done. So... Techniques in developing strength to do it?

  15. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by twentysomething View Post
    So I guess this sounds like my best option is to confront her.
    Any tips on how to get up the courage to actually do that?
    It is easier said then done. So... Techniques in developing strength to do it?
    It really is and it is really hard! It's awful how standing up for yourself can be such a difficult thing. I think it could be worth while getting some coaching from the workplace counsellor on how you can do this. Have specific examples and practice. Also doing it when it happens, this gets much easier each and every time.


 

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