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  1. #31
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    Default Bullying at work.. I know off topic but just need some help

    Some people are too scared to make complaints, especially to management. This is why the union is so important

    As the union rep at my work place, people come to me with problems and I offer advice and solutions etc.

    After being the union rep for several years, I have discovered that some people *are* just a-holes. For no particular reason other than they're just not nice people.

    And also, doesn't matter if your dog died, or you didn't have your morning coffee, had argument with your partner, etc. there's no need to bring your baggage to work and use people as your punching bag so to speak.

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  3. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    And also, doesn't matter if your dog died, or you didn't have your morning coffee, had argument with your partner, etc. there's no need to bring your baggage to work and use people as your punching bag so to speak.
    Perhaps that could be a thread. Have you ever bought your baggage (loss in the family, financial stress, lack of sleep) to work?

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  5. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Perhaps that could be a thread. Have you ever bought your baggage (loss in the family, financial stress, lack of sleep) to work?
    You just can't. I worked in an incredibly stressful environment for years and if everyone had turned up with their baggage it would have been a disaster. I was going through IVF. Another lawyer had a serious health issue. Many had marriage problems (go figure).

    We were supportive (very) but kind and respectful. Sometimes I'd burst into tears at my desk from bad news and another lawyer would come in and shut the door and just sit with me for 10 minutes until I pulled myself together. But if at any time I'd been a sh-- to anyone i'd have been pulled up the same as anyone else. Or told to go home.

    You turn up to work. You put your work face on. And you deal with stuff.

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  7. #34
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    But what defines bullying is that it's ongoing. So people saying they are being perceived as a bully bc in fact they had a bad couple of days bc their dog died or they had a fight with their partner one morning just doesn't fit. IME bullying is also quite deliberate and calculated. So it isn't telling a work collegue to hurry the f up at the photo copier bc your baby had a crap night sleep and you are tired and frustrated. That isn't ongoing, calculated or deliberate.

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  9. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    But what defines bullying is that it's ongoing. So people saying they are being perceived as a bully bc in fact they had a bad couple of days bc their dog died or they had a fight with their partner one morning just doesn't fit. IME bullying is also quite deliberate and calculated. So it isn't telling a work collegue to hurry the f up at the photo copier bc your baby had a crap night sleep and you are tired and frustrated. That isn't ongoing, calculated or deliberate.
    Very true and sure, we all have bad days but I have found it is often the bullies who use excuses instead of owning their behaviour!

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    . So it isn't telling a work collegue to hurry the f up at the photo copier bc your baby had a crap night sleep and you are tired and frustrated. That isn't ongoing, calculated or deliberate.
    Maybe not bullying but if I heard a staff member say that to another I would pull them aside and tell them to go home and get some rest as what they said was totally not ok

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Maybe not bullying but if I heard a staff member say that to another I would pull them aside and tell them to go home and get some rest as what they said was totally not ok
    ITA. In no way appropriate. But we are discussing the idea that bullies may not be bullies at all. Just people who are having a bad day or week and others are being over sensitive. What I'm saying is that bullying towards others is ongoing. So the excuse that someone may have had a fight with their spouse as the root cause, as opposed to being a bully imo isn't a fair or logical one.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post

    As the union rep at my work place, people come to me with problems and I offer advice and solutions etc.
    .
    Can I ask if someone at your work came to you (as he union rep) with the same problem as the OP, what would your advice be?
    - not trying to be argumentative or anything. Genuinely curious and I'm a big fan of union reps .

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    Default Bullying at work.. I know off topic but just need some help

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Can I ask if someone at your work came to you (as he union rep) with the same problem as the OP, what would your advice be?
    - not trying to be argumentative or anything. Genuinely curious and I'm a big fan of union reps .

    It's really hard to say just reading this thread without having a one on one conversation with them but if they are feeling bullied and vulnerable I would advise them to make a formal complaint the department of education.

    I would also advise to call the union so they have it documented.

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    Quote Originally Posted by babyno1onboard View Post
    I think the point may be that sometimes (not always, and I'm not staying this is true of the OP) people believe they are victims when they are not.

    I worked with a lady who truly believed she was being bullied and pushed out. I was in the same meetings and privy to the same emails as her and couldn't see where she was coming from. She had a very 'glass is half empty' attitude and always looked for the worst in people / situations. I think she was also suffering from depression. I really did feel for her as the whole thing really upset her. But I honestly don't think she was being bullied and felt for the person she was accusing of bullying her. The whole situation was a mess.

    Another time I was accused of bullying. I was astonished! I was managing a team of 100 people and rarely had any interaction with her? She said my emails and conversations were blunt. I'm blunt because I'm extremely busy and don't have time for small talk and fluffy emails. If she had of said I was rude I could kind of understand but bullying is systematic picking on an individual and that I was definitely not doing, I actually thought she was great at her job.
    I've been accused of similar and was also down to being busy and overworked, and that staff member not having an appreciation of how different my role is compared to theirs, and how difficult it was to do the "desk chat" thing every morning. I did have to work on my behaviour though, just adjust it slightly so that I was courteous but very clear.

    I guess if you're feeling bullied, then that's not ok and obviously something needs to change. But making an allegation of bullying does require the individual to be able to back it up with some evidence, regardless of the situation.


 

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