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  1. #1
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    Default Bullying at work.. I know off topic but just need some help

    Hi Ladies,
    I know this is completely off topic,
    but I wanted to post it here as there are a lot of lovely ladies I have got to know and trust.
    I was just after some thoughts and support.
    I work in a relatively small work place about 8 full time staff and we have a fairly high stress occupation.
    More and More recently I have become the victim of bullying from some of the older staff. On Monday I left work in tears and feeling very low, I have now spoken to my manager who is lovely and he does seem to genuinely want to help.
    However I am stuck feeling this will not change and I have two options hold my head up and try to get on with my work, OR decide that I am not going to win the fight give up and find some were else. Although I would be sad to leave as other then the two staff members I actually really enjoy my work place.
    If any one has been in this situation and knows how to deal or ideas would be lovely.
    I guess I am posting it here as you know we all have personal things going on at home that suck (infertility and PCOs) but I don't take it out on others at work why should I be there emotional punching bag?
    What would you do?
    THanks xoxo

  2. #2
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    Sorry to hear you're having a hard time.

    What kind of things are they doing to upset you? With a bit more detail some of us might be able to help you with some strategies.

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    VicPark  (18-11-2015)

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    Default Bullying at work.. I know off topic but just need some help

    Sorry to hear about this.

    Honestly? I would cut my losses and leave. I worked in a dreadful environment when I was first out of uni. It was awful. I used to sit in a park at lunch time and cry.

    I put up with it for about a year. Then I left. I never looked back. I really wondered years later why I stayed as long as I did.

    One of the things I've learned over my very long working life (25 years and counting) is bullies rarely change. And unless the ups are a million times better than the downs it's just not worth the fight.

    Good luck and I hope you find a job that brings you happiness

  5. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mod-Degrassi View Post
    Sorry to hear you're having a hard time.

    What kind of things are they doing to upset you? With a bit more detail some of us might be able to help you with some strategies.
    I am finding that she is targeting me for things that are not my fault, becoming aggressive about issues, with in the practice and generally telling me that everything wrong is my fault. We are a team and things going wrong could involve any number of staff. And that I am not doing things right. It is quiet degrading and undermining of my knowledge and job.

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    Are jobs easy to come by in your field? If yes then I would leave. I know you should hold your ground and not let them win, but you need to be happy.

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    Can you see it improving? Can you see them changing? Can you see your manager taking it seriously? If not I'd leave. Xx

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    Hey sorry you are having such a crappy time at work.

    From my experience (not saying it's that simple in your case) workplace bullying allegations are usually multi-faceted. As Dr Phil says - no matter how flat you make a pancake, it always has two sides.

    I've found only in a very small number of cases workplace bullying centrally involves the alleged bully being a true ********. Usually things can be put down to poor communication, miscommunication, misinterpretation, poor management, sensitivity due to issues out of work, personality differences, different values, stress from under resourcing etc etc.

    So when I hear a workplace bullying claim I like to think (unless it's the rare case of someone being a true ********) that it's fixable. Of course it's not easy - it takes a lot of emotional intelligence (including on the part of the management) to figure out what is really at the core of the issue and to figure out how to best address the issue given different people are receptive to different learning styles. And of course the longer workplace difficulty has been going on unchecked the harder it is to address.

    Some practical hints:
    - put your own mental health first. If you feel at any point that you just can't go on, and your home life is being affected, quit.
    - try and put yourself in the other persons shoes and tailor your approach accordingly. Are the older workers worried their experience isn't respected? Make a point of asking them for advice on something. Are they naturally anxious and need to be in control? Give them updates, keep them in the loop and they might loosen up a bit.
    - if there is any clearly (without a doubt) unacceptable behavior (racist jokes, jokes about sexual assault, searing at someone in anger) then nip it in the bud quick smart. Say "When I hear XYZ I feel uncomfortable. I would prefer to not be put in a position where I could hear XYZ." Then walk away. Or if you do not feel comfortable doing this, talk with your supervisor.
    - always remain professional, keep things factually based, don't drag up history and try not to get emotional. When raising an unacceptable complaint be short, sharp, clear about what you want and firm. "I feel uncomfortable when I hear XYZ. I would prefer XYZ not to be talked about in open work areas. I would prefer if work colleagues are
    Not made aware that I am the source of this complaint."
    - be self reflective: is there anything you have done which could have contributed to the situation? Are you messing up some areas of work? If so be proactive and seek additional training.

    Best of luck xx

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    Bullying is generally one sided Vic Park that's why it's called bullying. It's unprovoked. A relationship spat is generally 2 sided workplace bullying is generally not.

    OP I would find another job and when serving out your notice period make her life hell 😀

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    OP I've been in a very similar situation to you. Small office, high pressure and a bully who first bullied my staff, then me, then my boss (after I left).

    I ended up just leaving the organisation as it was so toxic however in hindsight the one thing I wish I had tried harder at was calling out bad behaviour on the spot.

    It's the only thing that works in my experiences (since that job).

    You have to say, out loud "I don't appreciate xyz" or "when you xyz, I feel ..."

    You have to do it at the time that something is happening.

    So for example in my situation the bully used to talk over me and make sarcastic comments belittling me in meetings in front of the CEO.

    I should have said, at the time, "I don't appreciate you interrupting me, and when you make comments like that I feel that you are disrespecting my point of view".

    A couple of these would have taken the wind out of her sails I'm sure of it because true bullies get their kick out of making you retreat into your head and most will back off completely if you stand your ground.

    It's worth a shot? Be specific, be timely - call out the exact behaviour as it happens.

    Practice at home a few times with role play first if that helps.

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    Sorry to hear you are having to deal with this. Read this:
    http://www.safeworkaustralia.gov.au/...e-bullying.pdf


 

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