+ Reply to Thread
Page 4 of 5 FirstFirst ... 2345 LastLast
Results 31 to 40 of 43
  1. #31
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    22,848
    Thanks
    6,202
    Thanked
    16,895
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by Freyamum View Post
    So he hates me emailing cus he can't shout me down and I like to get my thoughts straight. I asked him to just be honest about why taking 1 day off work was a big deal. No response we literally didn't speak for 2 days. Tonight I asked him had he any insights - "what into that long email?" - it was a paragraph. He just reiterates that he can't look after her until she is weaned. I've made her dependent. Full stop. Anything else I say about stuff around attachment and her being with me all the time, being 17 months and that means yes she is dependent. All that is me just shifting the blame onto him. Other families can wean no problem why is it an issue for me I should just stop feeding her. When I try and remind him that I've literally had no break for 17 months he accuses me of not appreciating him and what he does with the older children who I apparently neglect. So I said enough we need to see a counsellor I can't go on like this. Big fat no. I told him that if he doesn't it'll be the end of our family but I don't think he cares. You know how some people have to literally walk in another's shoes to have empathy. He is one. I'm kinda nervous to go to bed in case he decides to stick a pillow over my head for daring to speak up for myself. I seriously wish we had not moved to Australia now I'm am rightly screwed stuck here on my own now probably living off welfare...
    This is beyond him struggling to identify with emotion. This is abusive. You are actually worrying me that you are safe I know it's easier said than done but you need to walk. Pronto.

    DS2 is bottle fed but intensely attached to me. Him and DH get along like a house on fire when I'm here but he freaks out if I leave him with DH for even an hour. DH still continues to encourage me to do the things I need to. The weaning thing is an excuse.

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to delirium For This Useful Post:

    AdornedWithCats  (20-11-2015)

  3. #32
    harvs's Avatar
    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    9,997
    Thanks
    6,239
    Thanked
    15,895
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/4/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 2/4/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 19/3/15Busiest Member of the Week200 Posts in a week

    Default Unhappy marriages / bad times?

    He is emotionally abusing you. He knows it and I suspect that is contributing to his flat out refusal to attend counselling.

    Constantly putting blame back on you is an effective way to sap your self confidence. Please look up gas lighting and also the four relationship horsemen and have a read. See if that speaks to you or not.

    Honestly? **** him right now and seek counselling for yourself. You need someone in your corner x

  4. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to harvs For This Useful Post:

    AdornedWithCats  (20-11-2015),BettyW  (20-11-2015),misskittyfantastico  (19-11-2015)

  5. #33
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Posts
    17,747
    Thanks
    5,085
    Thanked
    8,691
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Awards:
    Past Moderator - Thank you
    100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I'm behind this 100%

    Do you want to wean your DD? Please don't unless you want to. Don't wean her because you think he will give you a day off. He won't.

    Your baby sounds divine. Do what's right by you and her xx
    Yes, please don't wean if you aren't ready - I fed my boys until they were 3 and 2 and DH never had any issue parenting them when I wasn't around.
    YOU are not the problem here. YOU are worth more than this abuse and manipulation.
    I see you are in Sydney - I wonder if there are any hubbers nearby who could meet you for a coffee? I'm WA but always here for you online

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to misskittyfantastico For This Useful Post:

    Little Miss Sunshine  (20-11-2015)

  7. #34
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    979
    Thanks
    546
    Thanked
    345
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by misskittyfantastico View Post
    Yes, please don't wean if you aren't ready - I fed my boys until they were 3 and 2 and DH never had any issue parenting them when I wasn't around.
    YOU are not the problem here. YOU are worth more than this abuse and manipulation.
    I see you are in Sydney - I wonder if there are any hubbers nearby who could meet you for a coffee? I'm WA but always here for you online
    Thanks I'm meeting friends this morning don't usually like to spill this over into our mutual friends but I need some kind words

  8. #35
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    979
    Thanks
    546
    Thanked
    345
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    This is beyond him struggling to identify with emotion. This is abusive. You are actually worrying me that you are safe I know it's easier said than done but you need to walk. Pronto.

    DS2 is bottle fed but intensely attached to me. Him and DH get along like a house on fire when I'm here but he freaks out if I leave him with DH for even an hour. DH still continues to encourage me to do the things I need to. The weaning thing is an excuse.
    Thank you for this. I couldn't sleep at all last night so was online looking for info on breastfeeding and dependent toddlers and I found nothing to support his case, I've said that the attachment to me isn't just breastfeeding but he wants to blame me because he hasn't bonded with her at all. This morning he actually took her up with him (never does) and I could hear him trying to get her to eat but she's terrible at breakfast and I think teething again. She was still whiney and grumpy with me but he probably sees that as further evidence of this unhealthy dependence on me, not that we spoke 1 word to each other...
    I'm going to try and see a child psychologist and get a professional opinion. Seems silly but I want someone independent and impartial to meet her and check that there aren't any issues.

  9. #36
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    979
    Thanks
    546
    Thanked
    345
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    He is emotionally abusing you. He knows it and I suspect that is contributing to his flat out refusal to attend counselling.

    Constantly putting blame back on you is an effective way to sap your self confidence. Please look up gas lighting and also the four relationship horsemen and have a read. See if that speaks to you or not.

    Honestly? **** him right now and seek counselling for yourself. You need someone in your corner x
    Thing is I don't really know if he really does know what he's doing, like consciously. He's no self awareness. He has this obsessive need to always be right. He is an avid reader of newspapers, science mags etc but if I point him to any parenting research he is not interested. I sent him a list of benefits of breastfeeding beyond a year and he didn't read, thinks I can find anything online to support my side but he won't look for anything to support his.

  10. #37
    SuperGranny's Avatar
    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    sunshine coast qld
    Posts
    6,162
    Thanks
    4,572
    Thanked
    2,753
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I just want to offer you my support. I hope you can work on some counselling for yourself. this is more than just him not wanting to take a day off work. he is being controlling, and trying to destroy your self confidence and self esteem. please continue to share and seek some help. hugs, marie.

  11. #38
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    572
    Thanks
    164
    Thanked
    582
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Freyamum View Post
    Thing is I don't really know if he really does know what he's doing, like consciously. He's no self awareness. He has this obsessive need to always be right. He is an avid reader of newspapers, science mags etc but if I point him to any parenting research he is not interested. I sent him a list of benefits of breastfeeding beyond a year and he didn't read, thinks I can find anything online to support my side but he won't look for anything to support his.
    Men who treat their wives like this always know what they're doing. Acting dumb is their way of escaping responsibility.

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to hopeful1986 For This Useful Post:

    delirium  (20-11-2015)

  13. #39
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    3,493
    Thanks
    4,294
    Thanked
    1,806
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by Freyamum View Post
    Thanks I'm meeting friends this morning don't usually like to spill this over into our mutual friends but I need some kind words
    I'm about an hour's drive from you Freyamum, and I love driving
    I'd be willing to meet up if you're feeling up to it?
    I know when things are draining it's very hard to make an effort to meet new people so no offence taken if you want to say no.
    The offer is open for any time

  14. The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Phony For This Useful Post:

    gingermillie  (20-11-2015),Happymum2  (20-11-2015),Leettieb  (20-11-2015),misskittyfantastico  (20-11-2015),smallpotatoes  (20-11-2015),SuperGranny  (20-11-2015),teenie  (20-11-2015),TheGooch  (20-11-2015)

  15. #40
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    979
    Thanks
    546
    Thanked
    345
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    He is emotionally abusing you. He knows it and I suspect that is contributing to his flat out refusal to attend counselling.

    Constantly putting blame back on you is an effective way to sap your self confidence. Please look up gas lighting and also the four relationship horsemen and have a read. See if that speaks to you or not.

    Honestly? **** him right now and seek counselling for yourself. You need someone in your corner x
    Thing is I don't really know if he really does know what he's doing, like consciously. He's no self awareness. He has this obsessive need to always be right. He is an avid reader of newspapers, science mags etc but if I point him to any parenting research he is not interested. I sent him a list of benefits of breastfeeding beyond a year and he didn't read, thinks I can find anything online to support my side but he won't look for anything to support his.


 

Similar Threads

  1. I am so unhappy
    By bigbangtheory in forum Feeling alone
    Replies: 29
    Last Post: 23-07-2015, 15:40
  2. I'm so unhappy
    By yadot in forum Pregnancy & Birth General Chat
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 06-05-2015, 22:01
  3. Very unhappy, please help if you have been though similar cases
    By letii in forum General depression and blues
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 01-01-2015, 11:29

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Springfree Trampoline
Give the Ultimate Christmas Gift Springfree Trampoline
The World's Safest Trampoline™ is now also the world's first Smart Trampoline™. Sensors on the mat detect your every move and your jumps control fun, educational and active games on tablet. Secure the Ultimate Christmas Gift today!
sales & new stuffsee all
CarmelsBeautySecrets
Growing your own natural nails is easy. Years ago, I devised a simple and very effective technique which really helps boosts the nails' growth in as little as three days! And most importantly keeps them that way.
featured supporter
121Temps
For the last 10 years 121 Temps has helped thousands of personal assistants/others to set up and work as a virtual assistant from home. Our services include: - One-2-One Mentoring - Online Training/Courses - Handbook, Toolkits, Templates & more.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!