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  1. #1
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    Default Unhappy marriages / bad times?

    Since my unplanned pregnancy with #3 (now 17mths) things have not been good at home. I've been depressed and anxious and stressed out. Dp is emotionally barren. This isn't just me having a go, he knows this - or at least appreciated it when he was younger. I think my inability to cope just irritates him and with no family here and not close to friends (who all stopped at 2 kids and work / study) I feel like I have no emotional support. I knew he was like this when we got together but I'm usually quite strong and self sufficient. Things actually started going bad 4 years ago when I was diagnosed with cancer. He got fed up with me stressing and crying. He didn't give me any time to recover - I'd had my thyroid taken out and couldn't talk loud or lift children and I remember him getting irritated with me for not being able to call ds off the road or lift him into car. Anyways. Things were worse after the pregnancy that he wanted me to terminate. The latest thing is I have shingles and I know it's stress related, I know I should rest etc so I asked him to take a day off work but he won't unless I wean dd2 age 17 months. He never asks how I am. When I told him I was seeing a psychologist about pnd he never once asked me how the sessions went. I just don't think he cares about me at all anymore I'm just the nagging mum who looks after the kids and house. I've never had more than 2 hours away from the kids in 17mths.
    Sorry for rambling. We have ups and downs and I just don't know if I should keep riding out these bad times or its time to call it a day? I feel like I probably need legal advice as we bought the house together but he stumped up most of the money for the large deposit and pays all the mortgage payments as I've not worked. We aren't married but have been together for more than 10 years

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    I've noticed a few of your posts about your husband and I think it's really awful the way he treats you and to be honest I don't think it will change. He knows you have nobody to turn to so he thinks he can can do what he likes.

    If it was my husband/partner I would sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel about your relationship and that you are thinking you would like to have a trial separation. He should move out because all the kids are there and you're the one who does majority of the house and kids.

    I've read so many of your posts and feel annoyed and frustrated for you but to be blunt, nothing is going to change unless you do something about it. I think you been waiting so long for things to change and they haven't, it's time for you to make a change.

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  4. #3
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    WSS^

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    I'm so sorry to hear you're not getting the support you need and deserve.

    With regards to the house etc the law takes into consideration your contribution which is staying home and raising children. You will not be disadvantaged because you didn't work and haven't contributed financially.

    I hope you can work things out where you both are on a positive road to happiness, whether that's together or apart xx

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    Could you move back to your family? You seem so isolated and lonely here.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ManchesterLass View Post
    Could you move back to your family? You seem so isolated and lonely here.
    My family are in Ireland I don't think that I'd even be allowed to do that. Not that I would he's a good dad to them and loves them dearly. They're Aussies I'm the outsider.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Freyamum View Post
    My family are in Ireland I don't think that I'd even be allowed to do that. Not that I would he's a good dad to them and loves them dearly. They're Aussies I'm the outsider.
    Is your husband Irish? Or just you?

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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    hi freyamum. I do think you need to speak with some legal aid about where to from here. There are many issues with both of you and basically, it comes down to neither of you are getting your needs met. It is a sad situation to deal with. Your children, need to feel safe and secure, and I think the stress and tension at home must be harmful to them. Can you contact lifeline or some charity group, and ask for help. ? hugs, marie.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    Is your husband Irish? Or just you?
    Just me, he's Australian

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    Talk to Centrelink and legal aid and find out where you stand. Start some secret savings while you do (possibly in cash in a hidden spot).

    Everything big red V said.


 

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