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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by Summer View Post
    @DT75 Whoa that is a really awful situation and so frustrating when you can't get any type of discussion or answer out of her. What sort of relationship does your DH have with the grandfather? Is it possible to bypass her completely and make arrangements directly with him? If he's happy to have the kids a few extra days and you can pick them up from him, then that seems like a great alternative. Why would the bio-mum need to approve that? She has relinquished her time with them anyway, so what would it matter if you guys picked them up after the three days extra days, rather than them flying as UM three days earlier with no one to pick them up. The grandfather sounds like he is pretty easy going and is happy to have the kids, so can you organise anything directly with him?
    Officially, those 3 days are her time and we don't want to start a precedent on 'taking over' that.
    We have spoken to the grandfather, but he (understandably) wouldn't be comfortable going around his daughter. He is a lovely man.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah View Post
    That is absolutely ridiculous! You've given her lots of options.
    Hence my frustration And H's too obviously.
    I am much more level-headed though and have been reigning in his need to scream by reminding him that the kids are old enough to see that this is all her, and not us.

    We don't want them (or us) to miss out on holidays. But we can't see an alternative.

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    Officially, those 3 days are her time and we don't want to start a precedent on 'taking over' that.
    We have spoken to the grandfather, but he (understandably) wouldn't be comfortable going around his daughter. He is a lovely man
    But surely you're not infinging on her days by organising to pick them up from him at the end of those three days? Not sure I follow that bit...

  3. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Summer View Post
    But surely you're not infinging on her days by organising to pick them up from him at the end of those three days? Not sure I follow that bit...
    Ah... sorry been a long day for this pregnant mumma!

    That would still put us with the dilemma of being out $3000 (plus the cost of their flights) because of her change of mind. Whereas if we cancel our holiday for $800, the kids would want to stay with us instead of go there anyway, and that is what would happen. No way would H pay for their (and her) holiday when she is being this ridiculous. And she would happily go alone and leave the kids with us... she'd make a song and dance about it (especially with the kids) but she'd do it.

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    Summer  (17-11-2015)

  5. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    Ah... sorry been a long day for this pregnant mumma!

    That would still put us with the dilemma of being out $3000 (plus the cost of their flights) because of her change of mind. Whereas if we cancel our holiday for $800, the kids would want to stay with us instead of go there anyway, and that is what would happen. No way would H pay for their (and her) holiday when she is being this ridiculous. And she would happily go alone and leave the kids with us... she'd make a song and dance about it (especially with the kids) but she'd do it.
    Such a drama I don't see why you should have to cancel your holiday that is already paid for and organised when you haven't seen your family for seven years and your DH hasn't met them, because she has changed the dates that were organised and planned for eight months prior. Is there any way your advocate can organise an emergency mediation to get it sorted?

    So the issue is that your DH doesn't want to pay for bio-Mum and the kids to go on holiday where she returns after ten days, leaving the kids with the grandfather for five days (at what time she wants them to fly back as UM) but you guys aren't home for another three days, so essentially if you did keep your holiday and organise with grandfather to pick them up when you're back, they would be spending eight days with the grandfather which is too long?

    So if you cancel your holiday and hers, she will happily pay for herself and leave the kids with you and not give a sh!t? I guess there's no way you can add them on and take them to Europe with you? Last minute cheap rates anyone?

  6. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by Summer View Post
    Such a drama I don't see why you should have to cancel your holiday that is already paid for and organised when you haven't seen your family for seven years and your DH hasn't met them, because she has changed the dates that were organised and planned for eight months prior. Is there any way your advocate can organise an emergency mediation to get it sorted?

    So the issue is that your DH doesn't want to pay for bio-Mum and the kids to go on holiday where she returns after ten days, leaving the kids with the grandfather for five days (at what time she wants them to fly back as UM) but you guys aren't home for another three days, so essentially if you did keep your holiday and organise with grandfather to pick them up when you're back, they would be spending eight days with the grandfather which is too long?

    So if you cancel your holiday and hers, she will happily pay for herself and leave the kids with you and not give a sh!t? I guess there's no way you can add them on and take them to Europe with you? Last minute cheap rates anyone?
    She would refuse to attend mediation, and by the time we got to court...

    Um.. wow that sounds confusing. We get back on Jan 5th, kids are due back Jan 2nd... so it would be 3 extra days with grandfather to cover us.
    She is coming back on Dec 27th/28th (not 100%) for work, so her plan is for him to have them 4/5 extra nights and us to collect them on the 2nd.

    So yeah it would be up to 8 extra nights for him if we could workout something.

    Yes, she has done it before. I don't know about not giving a sh!t, as I know she loves the kids, but she has always been selfish in regards to social stuff.

    They don't have passports, and it would cost more than the $3000 to add them with flights, accomodation, insurance, passports, etc.
    She wouldn't agree to us taking them that far anyway.

  7. #46
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    She sounds like a total nightmare. I feel sorry for you and your DH and the kids.

  8. #47
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    Ahh just wanted to say sorry for the predicament you're in. What a debacle

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  10. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Louise41 View Post
    She sounds like a total nightmare. I feel sorry for you and your DH and the kids.
    With stuff like this (holidays and anything that needs to be organised) she really is. She can be so so good too though. It is super frustrating!

  11. #49
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    Yep that makes sense - so grandfather would have them for eight days. Honestly, if that is doable with him and the kids I'd probably take that option, as who knows when you will be able to get back to Europe after bubs arrives? Not ideal, I know, but in the face of losing your holiday, and the kids there's, if DH can work it out with grandpa that might mean it still works for everyone. Sorry, there's no easy way out, it is ridiculous that she gets away with changing dates and trying to force everyone to work in with her when it's been sorted for ages - and then refusing to talk about it. You're doing really well to keep a level head and be the calm one for DH. The bio-mums usually know exactly how to push their buttons. I hope you can work it out so you still get your holiday and don't lose $800.

  12. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by Summer View Post
    Yep that makes sense - so grandfather would have them for eight days. Honestly, if that is doable with him and the kids I'd probably take that option, as who knows when you will be able to get back to Europe after bubs arrives? Not ideal, I know, but in the face of losing your holiday, and the kids there's, if DH can work it out with grandpa that might mean it still works for everyone. Sorry, there's no easy way out, it is ridiculous that she gets away with changing dates and trying to force everyone to work in with her when it's been sorted for ages - and then refusing to talk about it. You're doing really well to keep a level head and be the calm one for DH. The bio-mums usually know exactly how to push their buttons. I hope you can work it out so you still get your holiday and don't lose $800.
    Grandfather won't do it without her consent. Can't get her consent if she refuses to discuss it.


 

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