I recently lost my dear, beautiful mum, at the end of October. We were close and I was her carer for a very long time.
My older sister was not so close. She loved mum, but struggled to understand her struggles. She would see mum perhaps once a year.
I just wanted to know if I am being unreasonable or is my hurt warranted. Naturally, my heart is heavy with grief.
My sister lives about 10 hours away from mum's place.
When we were putting together the funeral arrangements, it was just my two brothers, my Dh and my SIL. My brother(who is executor) said that we would look at mum's property later and we would be able to take something of sentimental value from her. We would ideally sell the bigger items and use that to paint the home/do minor repairs.
My older sister didn't contribute to the funeral. On the day of the viewing(she didn't come) she wasn't really interested in me picking out mum's clothies. Nothing. It hurt and I felt alone although my older brother and his wife and my DH were there for each other.
As I said my sister lives 10 hours away.
We buried mum and then we drove back to her house as we were picking up a neighbour to take her to mum's memorial service.
When we got there, my sister and her husband's ute was in the driveway. When we walked into the house, they were going through cupboards, removing paintings/artwork from the wall. My husband asked how they got in and they said they got a key from my brother. My sister had formed a pile on the ground of things, linen, plants, photos, artwork, craftwork belonging to my mum and dad.
I was shocked and said, "Don't you think you could do this another time?
"No" my sister said, as we have to take availability of being down here.
I left feeling broken. My mum, just buried and already they are going through her things... and rarely cared about her.
AFter the Memorial service(my sister didn't talk to me at the service) my BIl text my dh to ask him to help move mum's fridge onto their ute. He told him he was busy.
Later that day we got a text saying they had taken fridge and dining room table. The next day they came for the chairs.
They took quite a bit of things and then left for home the next day
My sister called me and asked if the funeral went ok according to my plans. I thought it was a strange question.
I told her I was a bit hurt they took the things on day of mum's funeral.
She said, "So, when do you think we could have taken them?
I replied, "Maybe later on in the year".
Sister 'so. you expect my DH to take time off work to come all this way to get these things?
Sister's Dh text us and said we insulted my sister.
He said their conscience was clear.
So.....why do I feel hurt?
Should I feel hurt?
My sister isn't talking to me now because I have insulted her. I love my sister. I am sad that I am grieving now with this added grief.
I want to make reconcilliiation but that may mean letting this all go. My sister's husband confessed that it was HIS plan. He has been greedy and this isn't the first time they have taken things from mum.
Or have they done an oK thing? Because they were saving themselves from another long journey?
your thoughts please.