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  1. #511
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    Quote Originally Posted by Summer View Post
    Thanks @Bongley and @BlondeinBrisvegas for your kind words, support and advice - much appreciated. I'm in debt now after the failure of my business so saving up isn't an option unfortunately - and I'd have to go find a job after being self-employed for ten years, and I don't even know how to go about that anymore... I'm seriously thinking of separating so my DH can find a younger woman and have the family he wants - I'm just holding him back. I'm not contributing financially, I'm overweight, I'm unattractive, and I can't give him a baby. There's not much going for me at the moment so I'm seriously thinking of moving on and letting him have a life.
    Summer my heart is aching for you and at the same time so much of what you are going through sounds like my story so maybe that's why it hurts even more. I know how you feel but it's your low self esteem talking rather than a rational brain. Your dh loves you I'm sure and maybe if you talk openly about how you feel he might be able to support you better. I get how you just find yourself so overwhelmed that there seems no right or easy options but sometimes just taking a small action can free things up. What sort of work have you been looking for? Where are you located? Maybe someone on here can help??

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  3. #512
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    Quote Originally Posted by midnite01 View Post
    Update from me frickity fruck my levels have increased to 125 but not enough the nurse thinks it might be eptopic preg and gave me a whole lot of signs to watch out for. If i wasnt worried i am now! I need another bt on friday.
    Arghhhhhhhhh this is not good at all @midnite01. I really hope they keep rising. Thinking of you and your stress levels tonight. Must be really hard as you have no control you can only just hope and pray. I'll be doing that for you x

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  5. #513
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    @midnite01 i hate limbo. I really hope its not ectopic. Fx your bt friday shows a definitive answer.

    @CAEsurdust any poas action from you today? When is your bt?

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  7. #514
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    @JulieM, I think your employer would have to be pretty hard pressed to let you go. You seem to have such an integral role in the business. Not only that but I suspect you do receive a certain degree of 'protection' if you will, by your pregnancy. Not many employers would be brave enough to make the pregnant lady redundant, for fear of a law suit! Hoping it all works out ok for you love.

    @midnite01, I am crossing my fingers that your bubs is just a slow starter, and in the next few days your HCG shoots up quickly.

    @Summer, I think @BIB hit the nail on the head. You've had so much on your plate for so long, and you just need to catch a break, and maybe have a talk to someone about it all. One thing I do know is that running away is rarely the answer to anything. Think how devastated your DP would be if you left. No, this is the time when you need to turn towards each other, not away. Hugs for you hon



    On a completely different topic, I was talking to my sister today. She was saying how her son (my nephew) has a girlfriend now, they have never even kissed and they are going on their first proper date this Friday night (to the movies, with her Mum!)

    Anyway, my sister apparently asked him (he is nearly 12) "What will be different now that she is a girlfriend and not just a friend?" He said "I guess now I have to stand up for her honor."

    How sweet is that!


    Blossom

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  9. #515
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    Sorry for having such a downer when there's so many others on here having a hard time - @midnite01 I'm sorry those numbers aren't better and now they've got you worried about an ectopic it rarely seems to go easy does it?

    I'm just really at the point of giving up on everything. I've done so much counseling over the years and it has helped at different times, but right now I really don't care enough to bother. I kind of see myself just packing a bag and taking a flight to Bali and starting over. The depression did get really bad earlier this year when I was very invested in the thought that if I don't have children I don't want to live, and it feels like I'm heading back that way. Especially now as I don't have a business, any dollars, my friends are pretty much all gone, and it feels like the end of so many things. Thanks for being there for me - the ladies on this thread are truly amazing.

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  11. #516
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    Good evening ladies. I poas today and another stark white bfn so pretty sure this cycle has failed. I'm not surprised at all now as I would probably have a heart attack if I actually did get a positive. I've gone through all the usual with loads of tears and those feelings of just giving ivf up and a feeling I can't really describe. It's a yucky feeling of disgust for my body I suppose, for doing this to me, and you just wish you could shake it off but it stays. It's like a nasty stain that won't go away. Does anyone else feel that way after a bfn? I will continue to take all my drugs but will stop the acupuncture now and wait to see a new fs Dr NL to see what he says next week. I did consider another fet cycle straight away to get in before the end of the year but the odds of that working are so low I know it would just be my body killing another embryo and me throwing money to the wind again. I will have to cop the fees at the start of the year if I even can afford a main****** clinic which I will find out from DrNL I guess. I will get Dr Ms paperwork in too and reassess in the new year. Birthday is in two weeks which will not be a celebration as it's just another year of fertility gone and I've cancelled Christmas. I'm sure you get it @Summer. Just want to crawl into a ball now and have this year over with.

    It's good there's some happy news still coming through on this thread and hope there's more to come soon. Sorry to be a downer ladies. Will step out the haze soon xx

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  13. #517
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    so cute Blossom (though I'm sure he stands up for her as a friend too)

    Charlie, well said.

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  15. #518
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    I know how you feel Caesardust. hugs. try get some rest. it's an awful, hard road this ivf stuff. I hope you feel better soon.

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  17. #519
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    @Summer I don't want to trivialise your feelings by any means but we can probably all understand your feelings to a certain degree as we've all been there at different times. It's very rare that a man falls in love with and chooses his woman because of the children she will bear for him, so I doubt very much that your hubby wants anyone other than you. He chose you. Remember that. Real love is very hard to come by so don't you dare throw it away - it will crush you both and won't achieve anything other than sadness. You will find your happy, it may just take some time and a grand plan... I hope it happens sooner rather than later x

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  19. #520
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    Quote Originally Posted by Summer View Post
    I hope everyone is traveling along OK. It was very exciting to hear that your little bubbas are perfectly on track @JulieMalooley - was DH over the moon? And @Tahli I hope you are coming to terms with things and looking after yourself. Great that you've got a couple of plans to evaluate and I'm sure over the next few days it will become more clear which direction is pulling you the most. I hope you get good results on your next BT @midnite01 and don't have to consider Plan B or C, I'll be stalking for updates! And @Bongley I'm glad they've found something, as at least you now know that you can address it and it could be the missing piece of the puzzle that gets you to your BFP.

    AFM it is 11dpo on a natural cycle and I got a BFN this morning and it's hit me really hard. I know the chances are slight, but I think it's hit home today just how desperately I want a baby. I've grieved, I've recovered, I've done pretty much everything I've been advised to, as well as spending thousands of dollars on alternative practitioners and supplements, counselors, bodyworkers, etc etc and then all the medications and it's all come to nothing.

    I'm out of time now and I don't know where to turn next - I just think it's too late now. I did find that nice FS locally and he wanted to do a hysteroscopy and look at my uterus and I think do a biopsy, but I don't even know whether to bother. And even though it seems silly, I don't want to take a month out of "trying" to have that done - it seems like a waste of a month. Time keeps passing so quickly and I know I have to act very soon and decide if I try a low dose cycle just to see if anything changes - or pursue the DE option, but it all just seems too hard. I'm so tired. My health still isn't recovering properly and I am so, so desperate to have a child I can barely cope. And although DH says he's on board "I support whatever you decide" he doesn't want to spend money on this and with me being broke I feel like my options are gone. Sorry for the vent guys, I just don't know what to do.
    I totally hear you.

    Just wanted to say that explicitly.

    ❤️

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