Im not sure how to post this, I feel dreadful and ashamed Im doing this.
Back story, after a long road of IVF and several surgeries due to stuff ups. I finally was blessed to have a healthy pregnancy.
When suddenly our world was ripped apart, I went into sudden early labour in my second trimester. ������ My darling daughter L was born sleeping.
My world feel apart, things were very dark for sometime.
Somehow we overcame, and made it to a new place.
Its been 13 months since we lost her. I'm now pregnant again with another baby girl. She does not have a name yet.
To my horror and disgust, I caught myself thinking, soon L will be here, or I'm buying things for my daughter L.
Ive done this several times, at first I thought oh, just a slip cause I miss her so much etc. Or when when she moves, putting hands on my tummy thinking of her.
It keeps happening, I feel like a hideous monster, how could I do this, it's wrong. Very wrong.
Im the first person, to correct anyone who has said "oh this is your first baby, or you won't know how it feels to hold her for the first time".
Yes I have already held my first born!!!
We are having a baby shower in two weeks time. My Mum has been at me to put away the flowers and ribbons from her casket. They are beside her photo and candles . I just don't want to put them away.
Not or sure what the point of this post is. Maybe just to admit the horrible thing I've done.