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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frankenmum View Post
    Thanks @Mama Mirabelle.

    MIL isn't too bad with being possessive, but she does get very maniplative, like if DS won't go to her she cries "oh its because he doesn't even know me!"...well you could've come to see him lady! Like I offered for you to do 100 times when he was born and you declined because it wasn't convenient for you... anywho!

    SIL1 was VERY possessive though. She would swoop in and snatch him away and dissappear with him for half an hour plus. Then when I'd go to get him to change his nappy/feed him/put him down for a nap she would glare at me and treat me like I was intruding then storm off in a huff! It was really upsetting as I felt like she was inferring that I was just taking him away from her to a bish, and not for a valid reason. It was like they just always had to think the worst of me, no matter what I did, and it really made me start to question myself and start thinking that maybe I wasn't a good person. I now know better
    For me whether I hold a grudge and draw a line about seeing someone depends on the specific incidents. There's always two sides to every story and some situations are just open to misunderstanding/people getting upset too easily.

    With the examples you mentioned I wouldn't necessarily have written the inlaws off.

    My mil has said when she comes to visit (once a year - doesn't Skype or anything during that time) that my DS doesn't like her. Well lady he just doesn't know you. I leave it at hat though - there are complicated. reasons behind why she's not very talkative through the year - I've learned not to take it personally.

    As for my SIL snatching bub for half an hour - that just wouldn't have happened. I would have nipped that in the bud. And as for her getting huffy I probably either wouldn't have noticed (when I'm focused on bub I'm focused) or ignored it/not let it get to me.

    I'm not saying you don't have valid concerns, just that different people interpret situations/react differently. Based on these examples (and I know there's probably more) I probably wouldn't have batted an eye lid. On this alone I would still occasionally be with my inlaws but spend lots of time in the toilet playing on my phone when they were visiting...

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    babyno1onboard  (05-11-2015)

  3. #32
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    @VicPark yeah those examples were only a tiny part. There is a lot more to it of course, things that have been said and done which were a lot more direct. Those examples were just in tesponse to a situation raised by a pp.

  4. #33
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    Last edited by Frankenmum; 05-11-2015 at 14:39.

  5. #34
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    Whoa - your SILs sound like a complete nightmare....

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    Frankenmum  (05-11-2015)

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    If I were in your shoes I'd be refusing them entry into my home. They sound awful.

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    Frankenmum  (05-11-2015)

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    Thanks everyone for your advice & support xx

    I believe that everyone has a right to an opinion, even if I personally find their opinion offensive. I have lots of friends with different beliefs and opinions which I respect and can learn a lot from. But if someone has opinions which I find offensive then I'll choose not to continue interacting with them.

    I strongly believe that your family is not governed by whose blood lines you share, but by who it is that loves you unconditionally & supports you. And if they criticise you its coming from a place of love, not judgement.

    I view all relationships from a point of view where I ask myself "if this person were just a friend, would I tolerate this?". If the answer is no, then I think it shouldn't matter whether that person is related to you or not. No one should be given a free pass to treat you that way just because you happen to share some dna. But I respect DH's choice if he wants to continue contact with his family.

    I think I will just go forward with limiting my own contact and involvement. And I will look into couples counselling for DH & I as I think we'll face some hard times ahead as conflict arises because of my choice to opt out. But I'm sure we can work through it

    Thanks again it has really helped xo

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    amcyus  (05-11-2015),Sonja  (05-11-2015)


 

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