So I guess I'm after advice on how (or even if) I should deal with my ILs...
I'll try to keep it as concise as possible.
ILs consist of MIL, FIL & 2 x SILs.
- SILs have both acted very disrepectfully towards DH & I on several important occassions (wedding, DS's first xmas & birthday), which ruined these occasions for us. Even when FIL called them out on their behaviour they still refused to apologise. They are always rude and antagonistic towards DH & I, on all occasions.
- SILs constant passive aggressive attacks on my parenting & character caused my mild PND to spiral and it took me almost 2 years to recover my sense of self worth.
- The ILs all believe that I am keeping DS & DH from them. They are conveniently forgetting that DH has never gotten along with them and had very minimal contact with them before I came along. I told DH that his involvement with his family is entirely up to him and I would never ask him to stop seeing them. They would prefer to use me as a scapegoat than to face up to the fact that their family has a lifetime of issues to work through.
- MIL & FIL have told DH that they think I'm lying about how often DS & I are sick, as a way of avoiding having to see them. This is not the case at all. I have never once faked an illness to get out of seeing them and I am deeply hurt about being called a liar as I really pride myself on always being honest.
- I wondered if it was me, if I was the problem?? But then realised that they don't talk to ANY of their other family as they've fallen out with all of them, and they have very few friends. And I really analysed all of my behaviour and just couldn't honestly see where I'd gone wrong. I've always been polite, friendly and welcoming.
So basically where I'm stuck is that, well, they're not just going to magically dissappear. And DH wants to maintain a relationship with his parents, but the sisters always invite themselves along. So how the heck do I spend the rest of my life dealing with them??
I made a decision a long time ago that if anyone treated me badly, then I wouldn't have them in my life. But I feel like I don't have a choice about this! They're DHs family, and I don't want to get divorced....
How do you look someone in the eye who treated you so awfully, and who you don't want anything to do with, and pretend to be nice to them?
Any advice/tips/comiserations welcome... I know I need to deal with this. I just don't know how.
PS. Unfortunately talking to them about it is out of the question...its been tried and they just blow up, scream, deflect blame and storm out...then a few weeks later pretend nothing happened *bangs head against wall.