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  1. #1
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    Default Gay friend making comments that make me uncomfortable

    Firstly id just like to say that I have never had a gay girl friend so apologies if this comes across the wrong way.

    So I recently met a woman at my new sports club and she is gay. We are becoming friends and I really enjoy her company and her help with the sport I'm learning.

    Thing is, she often says things that make me feel a little uncomfortable.

    Nothing major but just little comments like 'I like it when your here cos I get to perve on you' and 'I like it when you stand like that cos your boobs look good' and 'the view from here is nice' and you look really sexy in those shorts'.
    Another thing that has increased is the butt slapping. She does it every time I see her.

    At first it was like 'meh, its nice to get a compliment' and id just laugh it off but its gotten to the point where it makes me a bit uncomfortable.

    I mean, if it was a guy id be telling him to back off!

    The thing is, this friendship is relatively new and we don't know each other that well. I would like to still be friends with her but worry if I was to say something she might take it that I don't want to be her friend.

    Any advice?

  2. #2
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    Guy or girl doesn't matter, if you're uncomfortable then you're uncomfortable. Maybe next time tell her to cut it out as soon as she says it or a do you mind that makes me feel uncomfortable.

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    Maybe next time she says something that makes you uncomfortable say immoderately "dude stop hitting on me, I don't dig it".

    The best way to deal with behaviour you don't appreciate is to call it out on the spot.

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    Quote Originally Posted by babyla View Post
    Guy or girl doesn't matter, if you're uncomfortable then you're uncomfortable. Maybe next time tell her to cut it out as soon as she says it or a do you mind that makes me feel uncomfortable.
    Quote Originally Posted by ScubaGal View Post
    Maybe next time she says something that makes you uncomfortable say immoderately "dude stop hitting on me, I don't dig it".

    The best way to deal with behaviour you don't appreciate is to call it out on the spot.
    Both of these! She could also be putting feelers out to see if your into her. She may think she is in with a chance if your not turning her down. Either way it's OK to treat her the way you would had she been a guy doing the same thing.

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    How awkward, especially with a new friendship. I'm not sure what I'd do apart from distancing myself.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DesperatelySeekingSleep View Post
    Both of these! She could also be putting feelers out to see if your into her. She may think she is in with a chance if your not turning her down. Either way it's OK to treat her the way you would had she been a guy doing the same thing.
    I agree. Imagine if a guy hit on a girl like she is to the OP. I don't know what makes her think she can be a complete jerk just because she's female.

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    Do you like her and want to be her friend?

    If so I would use humour and say something like 'stop hitting on me, you!' or 'I'm not a piece of meat!' or something light at first.

    Then if she doesn't take the hint I'd address it more closely.

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    I'm gay myself and not even I would appreciate those comments. As a PP said just say it to her there and then that you're not into it.

    It's happened to me in the past and the best thing I could have done was shut it down. Keep a bit of distance if you need to, surely you can still have a friendship if she genuinely wants to be just friends.

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    I would first try to shut it down in a light hearted/humourous way. If it continued, I'd have to address it more directly.

    She's overstepping the line and it's perfectly understandable that you're feeling uncomfortable.

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    I have a gay friend like yours who comments inappropriate things a lot. Like what Harvs said, I just give it back to her. Any burger or sausage joke you can put up, that's what I do with her which seemed to work. If you don't feel comfortable putting up jokes, perhaps have a talk with her?


 

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