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  1. #1
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    Default I need some guidance- can you help?

    So DH(or is just h at the minute!) and I are on rocky ground at the moment - well not just the moment from the end of last year. I let things and made allowances as an immediate family member was terminally ill and has since passed away(more than 6 months ago now). I mean I sucked it up because well he wasn't hitting me(I'm almost certain he never would - and I'm only saying almost as IMO anyone has the potential to lose their cool)
    So over 6 months has passed and things are still not good. He's refused point blank to go back to marriage counselling which helped 2 or 3 years ago. At points I tell him that unless it has to do with dd I'm not interested in taking to him(these instances are for a few hours max)
    when I try to resolve things he accuses me of shouting - it doesn't matter if I'm not raising my voice as far as he's concerned anything he doesn't want to hear is deemed shouting(he has admitted this in one conversation).
    Wow where do I begin?

    The whole house has been ill and on sat when he took dd to the movies I headed off to masters to get paint and mould cleaner and other home essentials to fix one of our bathrooms that doesn't have an extractor fan(we will get one)
    So instead of staying at home I decided to be proactive(hadn't said to dh I was going to do it). So I do a few other errands and wait for him in the car so he can help me bring the stuff in(under doctors orders not to carry anything heavy, used a trolley at the shop). So to cut a long story short(well shorter) he steps in dog mess and traipses it all through the house. I clean it up and he refuses to say thank you because wait for it - it's my fault because of he wasn't helping me it wouldn't have happened!!! Poor dd witnesses the whole thing And thanks me herself! Bless her
    lots has happened between them and tonight but what's left me feeling really peeved is he cooked dinner for dd and himself(knowing it was something I don't eat) and left me to fend for myself. Yep I'd be peeved if it was just that but what makes it worse is that I'm drowning in work and am working from home tonight to meet a deadline. I need to present at a 9 am meeting! The whole of November is just crazy!
    We also went to visit family and he told me to shut up in front of my parents which as I'm sure you can imagine I was not too impressed by- he has since apologised after I called him on it. He's called me lazy allegedly to motivate me into doing more. The list goes on...
    what can I do? Is it undestandable for me to be peeved? thanks in advance
    Last edited by Carpe diem 2013; 04-11-2015 at 22:05.

  2. #2
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    Honestly, what can you do? He doesn't want to go to counselling and he doesn't sound interested in trying to make things better.

    If it was me I would go away and have a good think about what I would want out of it all and in life in general.

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    Carpe diem 2013  (03-11-2015),TheGooch  (03-11-2015)

  4. #3
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    Thanks for taking the time to reply I really appreciate it. It's midnight now so I don't want to make any rash decisions. Ultimately I want to try and resolve things but will not tolerate his constant jibes and $hit stirring. He acknowledges he likes to get a rise out of me but it's my fault apparently as it's so easy!

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    perhaps you could put some of your feelings in writing? not accusations, but suggestions of how his attitude hurts and what kind of compromises the two of you can both make to make your marraige work

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    How awful for you. That's not what marriage is supposed to be about. I know he won't go to couples counselling but would you go to counselling yourself? Just to help you think things through?

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    I second going to counselling yourself, just to get a clearer picture in your head of what you're faced with, and to have the opportunity to discuss these feelings. You can't change your DH's behaviour unfortunately, you can only communicate how it's making you feel.

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    Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply. I'm off to bed and am up early tomorrow so will provide an update when I can.

    thanks again


 

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