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  1. #31
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    It just wouldn't even be an issue in our house because our relationship doesn't work like that at all. In our house it would probably go something like - DH goes out with his mates for an hour or two in the afternoon, then comes home and helps me get the kids organised for the babysitter so we can then go out to celebrate my birthday together.
    But, as non drinkers the whole hang over thing is just not something that we have had to deal with, and we always prioritise family time on weekends.

  2. #32
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    Not really one to celebrate my own birthday much so wouldn't care but would maybe like some family time either way.

    Eta: You mention that your child is having surgery, I'd be disappointed if DH wasn't there for that or hungover it's not cool. He needs a kick up the bum and to be told to make effort for his child having surgery weather it be small or big he should be there and stop clowning around.
    Last edited by zoz; 30-10-2015 at 19:34.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by zoz View Post
    Not really one to celebrate my own birthday much so wouldn't care but would maybe like some family time either way.

    Eta: You mention that your child is having surgery, I'd be disappointed if DH wasn't there for that or hungover it's not cool. He needs a kick up the bum and to be told to make effort for his child having surgery weather it be small or big he should be there and stop clowning around.
    Yes I hear you. The surgery is on Wednesday and just day surgery so I guess he thinks by the time Saturday comes around all will be ok....

    He told me that he 'forgot' I wanted to have a night out... But that also makes it seem like he forgot my bday.

    He's out tonight as well, apparently it's just dinner with the guys, but I dare say it will turn into an all nighter

  4. #34
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    Oh it's good he's going to be there for the surgery.

    I hope he remembers your birthday. Just a nice gesture and acknowledging it would be the good thing to do.

  5. #35
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    My DH is super forgetful so I wouldn't be upset if he forgot I wanted to do something for my birthday...but it would upset me if he was going out with his mates two nights in a row, when one of those nights I wanted him to go out with me for my birthday.

  6. #36
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    If I had to be honest it wouldn't bother me. I'd just celebrate my birthday another time. Birthdays aren't really a big deal. They happen every year. I don't see the problem with men celebrating the birth of a baby with a new dad. That's not something that happens every day.

    In saying that if you have an issue with it and have discussed it with him and he doesn't care that's another issue entirely. He should respect what you want and if you don't want him to go because you want him to celebrate your birthday with you then he should respect that.

  7. #37
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    I'm only new here, so don't really know the history the other posters are referring to, but it seems to me that the real issue here is not that your husband is going out, but that he has a complete lack of respect for you and your wishes.

    I can fully understand why you are upset.

    I don't know the answer though, it would be hard to discuss things with someone who has that sort of attitude.

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  9. #38
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    Urgh the whole concept of 'head wetting' really grinds my gears. That new father should be with his wife helping with the baby! :angry: I'd be mad too OP... Xx

  10. #39
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    Never heard of head wetting before this thread. Sounds ridiculous to me, not at all what a new dad should be thinking about. What about the poor new mum who will be left home alone with the newborn?

    Seems like your DH and his mates are a pack of louts.

    My DH can drive me up the wall, but we always ask each other what's on the calendar before committing to do things. That's a normal part of being in a relationship I thought.

  11. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    Maybe so, but I think it's important to remember that OP didn't ask everyone's opinions on whether she should stay with her husband. She asked who would be upset in a certain scenario.

    It can be really hard when hordes of people are saying you should leave someone, or they'd never put up with that, or this guy is treating you like sh!t. No matter how much concern there is or how well-meaning the sentiment is. It can damage your self esteem which may already be fragile, or else can make you defensive or even feel guilty that other people are bad mouthing your husband. It did for me, anyway.

    Anyway, just my two cents :-)

    Sorry for derailing OP.

    Fwiw I would have expected my husband to decline the head wetting thing straight away knowing it was your birthday, or, if it was really important to him that he attend to actively find another time and a great way to celebrate your birthday in style. I wouldn't want him there under duress and would go out on my own with friends instead. Maybe I'd need a few outings to get over it. And maybe some online shopping x
    I completely understand where you're coming from. If this was a situation where the DH treated his wife well day to day and made her feel appreciated regularly, then the bday thing wouldn't be a big deal, IMO, espacially if he offered to celebrate it another day. Compromise and all that. But when you read about several scenarios where the husband is not treating his wife well and is being incredibly selfish, even after wife has voiced her hurt or concerns, it stops being situations about compromise and becomes situations where the DH completely disregards his wife's feelings. I'm just wondering how much a wife should tolerate before she decides enough is enough. And i'm not necessarily talking about leaving him.

    As for the surgery. No excuse for the indifference.

    I'm not trying to upset the OP. I think she deserves better. If he's not willing to be that better, what does that say about how he feels?


 

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