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  1. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    as far as I can see, when you're both childless/working fulltime, the division of chores is usually (or should be) split 50/50.

    when a child comes along, the division of chores (imo anyway) should remain 50/50.

    what's changed? mum now has a new "fulltime job" (aka bub) and dad is still going to his old fulltime job.

    it's that simple.

    just because mum isn't going into the office and bringing home the big bucks doesn't make what she's now doing any less important. you both signed up to this gig when you decided to have a child. at what point does dad get off thinking "well wifey is at home, I get a free ride from here on in". no. sorry, it just doesn't work that way.

    I dunno, maybe there needs to be more communication leading up to this before bubs is born. like to manage expectations etc.

    sorry OP, not terribly helpful to you right now but just putting my 2c in.

    I'd just make a time to both talk this through, and not when you're in an argument/feeling resentful. make a time to go out for breakfast or coffee together just you two and try and talk it through. it's really unfair he's not doing his share.
    Yeah but the thing is, now that I'm home all day (when we're not in hospital at least with DD's chemo), I've got all day to get the housework done. Each to their own, but I'm not about to ask my DP to cook, clean and fold washing when he gets home when I've had all day to do it. Yesterday he did a 10 hour day plastering. He was dusty, tired, hungry and thirsty. When I worked full time, fair enough, he did more. But now that I'm home my full time job is looking after the kids, cooking and cleaning, so that DP can work hard to provide for us.

    I actually look forward to going back even just part time once DD is finished chemo. I think if I'm working as well we will all get more time together as a family because DP won't have to work so much.

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  3. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by monnie24 View Post
    I think I'm prepared as mine goto Childcare wihile I'm a SAHM
    All the homework and correspondence that comes home from school is full on too, which only increases as they get older.

    I don't think childcare can be compared to school

  4. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by monnie24 View Post
    I think I'm prepared as mine goto Childcare wihile I'm a SAHM

  5. #74
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    Been reading along with interest. My DH and I have finally reached a good place recently. I am feeling appreciated and he is helping more when he can. Our two boys aren't easy, they are high energy needy kids(complete opposite to our DD).

    One of his work mates got divorced and it really made him appreciate how much I do for him. He comes home from work after a 12hr shift to dinner on the table, house cleaned and the kids bathed and almost ready for bed. His mate goes home to an empty house, has to cook his own dinner and catch up on housework.

    On DH's days off he helps heaps now. DS2 just started prekindy one day a week and he tells me to have a sleep! He has never once in 10years said anything about housework, or resentment about me being a SAHM. He tells me to buy lunch, watch tv and sleep! While he's at work for 12hrs a day. Because he knows how hard I work on the other 6 days of the week.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ICanDream View Post
    I agree with your SIL, with two at school things have got crazy with all the running around - it's amazing how little you get done when you drop them at 8.55 and have to be back at 3.30. I had all these grand plans about how life would change and I could take in full time work when they were both at school - now I think I'm a comedian cause I can't get my head around normal days let alone school holidays.

    This! With reading groups at school, I don't leave until 9:30 then pick up is 2:45. It goes soooo fast. Then add in meetings, extra volunteering at school, kindy excursions, concerts, showcase mornings etc. It's nuts. I am extremely lucky to be in a position where I can attend everything and be there for the kids.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Theboys&me View Post
    I'm probably going to be stoned for saying this... But I'm not sure why you'd need him to help around the house if you get 3 child free days a week??

    Maybe my view is warped because I'm a single mummy so obviously I do everything... But I get one kid free day a week, one day with DS2 home and 3 days working. I have no idea what I'd do with myself if I had 3 days off. Or do you have another child at home??

    I'm not trying to be rude but in all honesty if I had a partner at home kid free for close to half the week while I was working... I'd probably feel disgruntled too.

    *running to hide now!!*
    Its not warped. The OP has one child and for three days they are in childcare. Frankly, if I was her DH I'd resent it as well. To me, that's lazy and taking the ****

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  9. #77
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    That is pretty rude! You don't know why the OP has her daughter in childcare for three days. There are very legitimate reasons that people may choose to do that, and she doesn't need to justify her choice to us.

    Sure, it may be contributing to the general resentment coming from her husband, I agree, but saying someone is lazy and taking the **** is pretty harsh.

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  11. #78
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    If the OP is asking how to avid arguments, getting another perspective on her lifestyle choices is fair enough in my view. And she hasn't suggested any reason for childcare except for catching up on errands. And my view of that, are you serious?

  12. #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by Meitis View Post
    Its not warped. The OP has one child and for three days they are in childcare. Frankly, if I was her DH I'd resent it as well. To me, that's lazy and taking the ****
    There always has to be one doesn't there?
    I'm not sure if you noticed but no one else has been rude.
    Take a look in the mirror before you put your judgemental mask on.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Meitis View Post
    If the OP is asking how to avid arguments, getting another perspective on her lifestyle choices is fair enough in my view. And she hasn't suggested any reason for childcare except for catching up on errands. And my view of that, are you serious?
    If you had bothered reading the thread you'd have seen until 2 weeks ago she was working and intends to return to work. There's little point in removing a child from day care and losing your place if you may need it again in the near future.

    You seem to post rarely and only to antagonise. Curious

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