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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by ICanDream View Post
    Honestly i get two days a week child free during school hours, I go to the gym for 45mins, I food shop and do as many crappy running around jobs as I can get done.

    Do you really mean that because I have two days my DH is excused of all homely duties because he is at work?

    That's pretty harsh. I understand you're a single mum but my DH isn't my third child and I don't think should resent the house not being spotless if he's not helping in the slightest.
    I agree with the boys& me.. 3 days a week is a lot of time child free. I would love 3 hours a week! I don't think her DH should resent the house not being spotless but maybe OP can try and see from her DHs point of view that she does get a pretty good break during the week and maybe he does resent it at times

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Yeah it's hard when they won't come out and say it. He probably thinks he's saying all the right things telling you you don't have to work when he feels resentment and frustration.

    Do you want to go back to work?
    Yeah I actually do want to. It makes life a bit more stressful as housework majorly falls behind, but I like working other than mummy duties. It's tough finding a part time job though. It was tough finding my last one 😔

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I didn't know the OP's child was in care 3 days a week. That definitely makes me think resentment is a big part of this ongoing fight.

    OP I would sit down and ask him why he's so angry at you. Be prepared to not like the answers.

    Honestly my DH would be very similar in this situation (unless of course there's a reason that we aren't aware of).
    I have asked him in the past. Problem is he won't admit that he's jealous or resentful. In my gut I know he is. He's always saying, "Well I'll stay at home and you work full time!" But I could never earn what he earns. It's ridiculous to say it cause he knows I can't earn that kind of money 😔

  4. #24
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    The way it works in our house is I work 3 days, DH works 5 days. I get 2 days off mid week with DS, so I do all groceries, errands, housework etc with DS with me on those days. Not exactly fun for him, but we also get fun activities in there too.

    On the days that I work, DH helps out at home equally - bathing DS, putting him to bed, doing dishes, general tidy up of living space (getting DSs toys put away).

    On the days that I don't work, DH still bathes DS and puts him to bed as he enjoys that time with him, but I don't expect him to do anything else as I've had all day to do my 'jobs' while DH is at his job.

    On the weekends while we're both home we share all child duties equally, but I make sure that the laundry & housework is done during the week. DH takes care of the outside jobs (mowing, gardens, etc).

    This is what we feel is equal for us. If I had 3 child free days and didn't work I personally wouldn't expect DH to do any housework, but would still expect equal help with child rearing. That's what works for us and neither of feel any resentment about who does more/works harder.
    Last edited by Frankenmum; 29-10-2015 at 21:30.

  5. #25
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    Default Fighting with your spouse

    Quote Originally Posted by yadot View Post
    I agree with the boys& me.. 3 days a week is a lot of time child free. I would love 3 hours a week! I don't think her DH should resent the house not being spotless but maybe OP can try and see from her DHs point of view that she does get a pretty good break during the week and maybe he does resent it at times
    Again, a valid point. I understand that I'm very lucky to get those 3 days to catch up on housework and what not but its not like I'm out getting massages or pedicures. I swear sometimes I think DH thinks I sit on my a$$ and watch TV all day

  6. #26
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    I think the OP has been really good about taking the comments on board.

    Can I just add if you've only been off work for about 2 weeks give it time. You're both in a period of transition and you might find it works out ok or it might not.

    Honestly unless you are running a business you don't need 3 days to get housework and other jobs done. I have 4 kids and I would think 1 day a week would be plenty for me.

    I'm not sure to be honest what the answer is. Saying you're busy on those 3 days would be a little hard to believe. Sorry just saying how it seems to me.

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  8. #27
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    I'm not flat out busy all 3 days but 2 out of the 3 days I'm non stop. We have a big home that requires a lot of cleaning and I'm anal when it comes to cleaning.
    I'm not trying to make excuses. I do see your point. I'm very poor at organising my days. I find that the hours run away from me and before I know it, it's 5pm and I'm left thinking "what the heck did I do with the whole day?"

  9. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by yadot View Post
    I agree with the boys& me.. 3 days a week is a lot of time child free. I would love 3 hours a week! I don't think her DH should resent the house not being spotless but maybe OP can try and see from her DHs point of view that she does get a pretty good break during the week and maybe he does resent it at times
    I deleted that post but you'd already quoted me. I partly understand and I partly don't but it's a touchy subject for me due to health issues so I decided to retract my comment. I can understand resentment on both sides, it's a slippery argument that I think will rage for decades to come.

  10. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by FirstTimeMummy2012 View Post
    Again, a valid point. I understand that I'm very lucky to get those 3 days to catch up on housework and what not but its not like I'm out getting massages or pedicures. I swear sometimes I think DH thinks I sit on my a$$ and watch TV all day
    Could you maybe write out a list of all the things you do on those days, and how long each thing takes, and show him? This is a sweeping generalisation, so forgive me, but a lot of men really just don't realise how much work goes into running a household with kids, unless they have been a sahp, they really just can't wrap their head around it sometimes... so maybe showing him would help him understand that its not just you lying around eating chocolates and watching Dr Phil!!

  11. #30
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    Honestly if the tables were turned and my DH had 3 days a week to himself I'd expect everything to be done too.

    Neither of us have days without the kids but on days we are home with the kids there's an expectation that house stuff gets done too, obviously when we are both home we both get in and do stuff and when one gets home from work they jump in and do stuff with the kids.

    But overall in our house, if you are home, there's housework to be done.

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