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  1. #1
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    Default Advice please- daughter m@sturbaing

    I am posting annonymously, not for my sake but for privacy for my daughter.

    My DD is 5, & ever since she was a tiny baby,she has had a 'rocking' motion to lull herself to sleep. It looks like 'humping', but was just a self- soothing thing.

    Lately, she has started doing it again, she lays on the couch rocking her pelvis with her hands on her vulva. She gets very sweaty and breathy. I spoke to her gently & just said that if she wants to rock like that,she needs to do it in private in her bed. She hot annoyed with me &said 'no! I like it. I like the bit at the end when my bottom feels tickly. It feels nice' etc. I said that bottoms are private, so yes it does feel nice, but it needs to be done in private.

    She was a bit annoyed at me, &Im not sure if Ive said the right thing. I grew up VERY repressed sexually,&I want her to know that sexual feelings etc are ok. But I dont want her m@sturbating etc publicly, I am worried she will do it at school/ friends houses etc, so I feel like she needs to know at this age to do it in private. I have always talked about body parts very matter of factly whether an elbow or a p$nis, so now I have started having to say that some things are a bit private.

    Has anyone had a similar talk with their child? What did you say? Did I do the right thing? I will admit it makes me feel very uncomfortable to talk about due to my own upbringing,but I am really trying so hard to promote open &honest communication & a sense of 'this is normal'. HELP!
    Last edited by Annonnnonnno; 26-10-2015 at 13:22.

  2. #2
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    I don't really have any advice but it sounds like you have handled the situation well to me. My DD is 5 as well & she loves to have a grope around on the outside of her knickers while she's watching tv etc. I've tried to have a similar chat to her about not doing it at school etc.
    Maybe ask her teacher to keep an eye out for any inappropriate behaviour at school?
    My DD also used to sleep with her hand down her pjs fondling her own nipples! She doesn't do it much now so hopefully she might grow out of it.
    I remember reading about this stuff before I had her & thinking "my kid will never do that"... hmmm.

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    Annonnnonnno  (26-10-2015)

  4. #3
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    I think you did completely the right thing
    Completely natural and normal, but private.

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  6. #4
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    You did the right thing. Any fondling of genitalia in our house is redirected to their bedroom.

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    Annonnnonnno  (26-10-2015)

  8. #5
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    Just another thought OP, have you tried bringing up the issue at another time? Rather than as a reaction to seeing her doing it? She might be more responsive?

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    Annonnnonnno  (26-10-2015)

  10. #6
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    Thanks, its been worrying me a bit & I feel a bit lost,so appreciate the advice! PP, I did actually leave it & bring it up an hour or so later, &we had a little talk.

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    dido  (26-10-2015)

  12. #7
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    My DS has always got a hand on his penis. I wouldn't call it masturbating but I do similar to you. I don't get angry, I just say "we don't touch our penis at the table/ in the loungeroom. Go to the toilet or your bedroom if you need to touch it." I think you did the right thing.

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    I think you've handled it fine. My DD would similarly get cranky at me when I asked her not to 'rub' against the harness in her car seat because touching her private parts was something to do in private in her room, not in the car with everyone around. "But I need the car seat to do it!!!!" she'd scream. Fortunately because for us this is only an issue in the car my solution was to move her to a booster seat without the 5 point harness as soon as practical! Also disconcerting when she loudly announces after being on a swing or thrown in the air etc that she likes it because it tickles her 'gina'.

    As an aside I remember when my DS was around 3 and I explained that it was okay to play with his bits in private only after catching him legs splayed on the on the couch too many times. He'd then come up to me and say "excuse me Mum, is it okay of I go and play with my willy in my room?".

    The joys!

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  15. #9
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    I think you also handled it well. You didn't say "don't touch there it's dirty and wrong". You just navigated her to the right place to do it.

  16. #10
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    I think you handled it well.
    We explain that if you want to touch yourself you need to do it in private.


 

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