My daughter is 7 weeks old and I love her more than anything. But, I am really struggling. I haven't admitted this to anyone, and well I don't have any family close by anyway, but sitting here now listening to my baby cry, I feel like writing everything down might help.
DD cries almost all the time. She does stop while feeding most of the time, although even then she can sometimes start and it then becomes very painful for me as she lets go to cry then grabs my nipple again forcefully with her gums to keep sucking, before repeating everything.
There is only one way I know of to stop her from crying and that is just to walk around with her, or keep her moving somehow. You can never sit down and relax and I am exhausted.
I am home alone on maternity leave, my partner had to go back to work. My back hurts from carrying her - she's over 6kg at 7 weeks, I'm hungry, thirsty, sleepy you name it. But I can't do anything. If I put her down she screams blue murder. If I sit down whilst holding her to rest, she screams.
According to multiple doctors and midwives, she is the picture of health. She is growing well, she's very strong and reaching all milestones 1-2 weeks ahead of expectations. She doesn't appear to have reflux or any of the symptoms I've read about for silent reflux.
But yesterday was really scary for me. We had to drive home after dropping family off at the airport, a 1.5 hour drive and she started crying. When she cries she gets really hot and sweaty, drenching her clothes quickly. I get worried that she will either overheat or get cold from the sweat. I pulled over and she stopped crying as soon as I picked her up and started walking around. But we had to get home. Usually the car soothes her so long as we keep moving, I have run some very orange lights to achieve that. But not yesterday. I couldn't just sit there on the side of the freeway though so I had to eventually drive home with a screaming baby.
I am so tired, there are no words. I just want to be able to sit with her and enjoy her but I can't. She kicks whilst she cries and it actually hurts a lot after a while, not to mention she head butts and rakes with her fingers so you can't just sit and hold her while she cries. But I am too tired to keep walking around with her, I just can't do it anymore, I need to sit down, I need to eat. Her crying makes me feel sick and puts me off my food but I am feeling so weak.
It seems to affect my brain, I can't even hold proper conversations with people because her crying upsets and stresses me and her crying is constant.
She used to have naps and when she fell asleep in your arms you could put her to bed and she'd sleep for hours. Not anymore.
Ok well the whole time I have been writing this she has been screaming in her pram. She has been screaming for hours with only very short breaks whilst I feed her and carrying her around as much as I can. I had better go get her.