I've been a member of bubhub for 7 years now but I'm too embarrassed to use my normal account to post this thread so I've made an account as I'd really like some support or advice or to just get this off my chest.
basically for the past 3 years I've been addicted to pain medication. Although I'm a registered nurse and im quick to think of people abusing pain medication I have only realized that I am myself addicted in the past 2 months. I've had a few long term illnesses that required pain relief containing codeine and at times endone.... I believe this may have been what started my addiction... I never realized how bad I was until just recently...
I take up to 16 codeine tablets a day.... im killing my body...
I know this is awful and stupid and I need to stop. .. if I don't take the tablets I get really bad anxiety and irritable.and..I won't be able to sleep. I'm not experiencing pain that I'd need to take codeine for but I just do because I am addicted. I have quite an unhappy and stressful life and I suffer depression which I think the codeine is giving me that euphoric feeling helping me deal with my life. I cant believe I didn't realize my addiction sooner. I know I need to stop but I'm worried I'll do something that will just replace this addiction with another... im not a smoker and im now thinking of starting smoking as giving me a way of stress relief ..stupid I know.
I know people will say talk to my doctor etc.. get help from a psychologist. ..but I don't feel I can be honest as I worry this will affect my registration as a nurse... (just want to point out that I'm not directly caring for patients I'm in an admin role atm) I just feel I can't tell anyone about this.
basically I want to do this without accessing any outside help... its stupid I know but I can't let anyone find out.
please don't quote