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  1. #831
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    Quote Originally Posted by HeavenBlue View Post
    No! No need for a new paragraph, it was perfect. Gave me lovely giggle for the morning! I needed that!

    I'm glad you're on the up but poor DS! It's so horrible when they are so sick. And then having words with dh in between it all.... Sigh. Why can't it ever be easy? How long has the poor little thing been crook for?

    I'm no worse which is good news but I'm dreading that nightfall time when everything becomes more pronounced. That will be the real test of how I'm feeling today.

    DS is on to day 3 of symptoms, though judging by his behaviour, he was feeling poorly for about 2 days before that.

    Night is always worse. Because apparently rest isn't necessary for recovery. I hope that since you're not any worse it means you're on the mend.

    I'm glad I gave you a giggle. Now to complete the image, you can imagine a tiny blonde woman assisting you in slapping your DH. There's a possiblity that I'd need a step stool. I'll be thinking of you, and sending recovery vibes x

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    Quote Originally Posted by binnielici View Post
    I totally empathise with your first paragraph. Every morning I make DH his coffee just the way he likes it. He has no idea how I have my coffee. I lay out his PJ's in the bathroom every night. I make sure the things he likes to eat are in the fridge/cupboard and on the menu plan. If we go to a cafe for breakfast I can order for him without even asking - he would not have a clue what I want despite being horribly predictable sigh .... So yes I understand feeling like you are unloved, not 'seen' by the person you are married to. With my DH though I know if I confronted him with these things he would be shocked and offended that I feel this way. He truly is oblivious and I've come to realise it is because he lacks empathy - his work makes this even worse.

    If you spoke to your DH about how you feel would he hear you? Would he listen. Two kids in the mix so it's worth trying, easier said than done I know.


    Yes!! I try to bring him home all his little favorite food items or cook his favorite meals. Make sure his bed is comfy and clean etc. his clothes all clean and folded with his pj's waiting for for him after his shower. I try to always have something for him to take for lunch or I bring something down to him.

    He would never do any of this. Never. He doesn't go to the shop for anything. Even if we have takeaway, if it's not delivered, I go to get it. Every. Single. Time.

    I've tried talking with him before. We've been through this. His behaviour improves for a few days and before you know it he's back to his old ways. I've just got no fight left. I can't even be bothered to point out the excessive amount of time he spends on his computer. If I even mention it he defends himself by saying he's studying. Yeah maybe 40% studying and the rest is playing games. He forgets I can see right in the door at what he's doing!!

    The worst part?? We're not married!! I do this all for someone that has never bothered to put a ring on it! 5 years and 2 kids but he's always had a reason why it's not a good time to get married. I've resigned myself to not caring anymore. It's not something I think I even want anymore. I wanted it so bad I thought I'd die at one stage. I've done everything I could think of to show him I'd be a good wife and mother. I've come to realize I was stupid and should never have to prove that. Love should have been enough and I think he's just been using it like a dangling carrot. I just have found myself feeling used and manipulated now and that has bred resentment. In my experience resentment is one of the final, dying stages of relationships. I'm at a complete loss to be honest.

    Wow. Apparently I'm being super honest today. Sorry for the long rants this morning!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Dancer View Post
    DS is on to day 3 of symptoms, though judging by his behaviour, he was feeling poorly for about 2 days before that.

    Night is always worse. Because apparently rest isn't necessary for recovery. I hope that since you're not any worse it means you're on the mend.

    I'm glad I gave you a giggle. Now to complete the image, you can imagine a tiny blonde woman assisting you in slapping your DH. There's a possiblity that I'd need a step stool. I'll be thinking of you, and sending recovery vibes x
    Even funnier is that I'd be close to needing a step stool too! I'm a shorty also!! So now I'm imagining to short woman standing on step stools smacking dp.

    Poor little guy. My DS is still the same a week later except that we had a better night last night after a doctors visit yesterday. He was prescribed some ventolin and oh boy did it make the world of difference for us right now. No waking screaming and choking last night!

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    hevenblue, do you think there might be asthma related?? I do hope you can find a good result and you and your little one both recover quickly . Marie.

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    Quote Originally Posted by HeavenBlue View Post
    Even funnier is that I'd be close to needing a step stool too! I'm a shorty also!! So now I'm imagining to short woman standing on step stools smacking dp.

    Poor little guy. My DS is still the same a week later except that we had a better night last night after a doctors visit yesterday. He was prescribed some ventolin and oh boy did it make the world of difference for us right now. No waking screaming and choking last night!
    😂😂😂 great imagery!

    Glad your DS is on the mend. It must have been a relief last night.

    I hope your DP's attitude and behaviour improves - both while you're sick and in general. Don't let him take advantage of your kind heartedness. Regardless of what happens, I hope you are ultimately happy. Be kind to yourself xx

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    Quote Originally Posted by SuperGranny View Post
    hevenblue, do you think there might be asthma related?? I do hope you can find a good result and you and your little one both recover quickly . Marie.
    No he was diagnosed with bronciolitis (spelling??)

    It's viral and pretty nasty but no asthma thankfully. The ventolin helps to relieve the symptoms.

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    Quote Originally Posted by HeavenBlue View Post
    Yes!! I try to bring him home all his little favorite food items or cook his favorite meals. Make sure his bed is comfy and clean etc. his clothes all clean and folded with his pj's waiting for for him after his shower. I try to always have something for him to take for lunch or I bring something down to him.

    He would never do any of this. Never. He doesn't go to the shop for anything. Even if we have takeaway, if it's not delivered, I go to get it. Every. Single. Time.

    I've tried talking with him before. We've been through this. His behaviour improves for a few days and before you know it he's back to his old ways. I've just got no fight left. I can't even be bothered to point out the excessive amount of time he spends on his computer. If I even mention it he defends himself by saying he's studying. Yeah maybe 40% studying and the rest is playing games. He forgets I can see right in the door at what he's doing!!

    The worst part?? We're not married!! I do this all for someone that has never bothered to put a ring on it! 5 years and 2 kids but he's always had a reason why it's not a good time to get married. I've resigned myself to not caring anymore. It's not something I think I even want anymore. I wanted it so bad I thought I'd die at one stage. I've done everything I could think of to show him I'd be a good wife and mother. I've come to realize I was stupid and should never have to prove that. Love should have been enough and I think he's just been using it like a dangling carrot. I just have found myself feeling used and manipulated now and that has bred resentment. In my experience resentment is one of the final, dying stages of relationships. I'm at a complete loss to be honest.

    Wow. Apparently I'm being super honest today. Sorry for the long rants this morning!
    Rant and vent away. I mostly do this with my sister and find by the end of it I am much calmer and able to handle my emotions better. So if it helps go for it - you're among friends 😄

    Just take care of yourself and your beautiful baby and baby in the way xx

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    Quote Originally Posted by binnielici View Post
    So yes I understand feeling like you are unloved, not 'seen' by the person you are married to. With my DH though I know if I confronted him with these things he would be shocked and offended that I feel this way. He truly is oblivious and I've come to realise it is because he lacks empathy - his work makes this even worse.

    If you spoke to your DH about how you feel would he hear you? Would he listen. Two kids in the mix so it's worth trying, easier said than done I know.
    Oh my goodness. I could have written this post word for word. My husband completely lacks empathy. It's not that he doesn't care; he just sincerely doesn't have the capacity for it. I've learnt not to take it personally. He loves me, he's just different to most people. If I need something out of him I just need to detail it clearly. It might not be fun, but who am I to "change" him when it's not him being mean or lazy but just how his brain functions.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsTugs View Post
    Oh my goodness. I could have written this post word for word. My husband completely lacks empathy. It's not that he doesn't care; he just sincerely doesn't have the capacity for it. I've learnt not to take it personally. He loves me, he's just different to most people. If I need something out of him I just need to detail it clearly. It might not be fun, but who am I to "change" him when it's not him being mean or lazy but just how his brain functions.
    I wish outlining what I needed directly was all it took. It would be easier if I knew this was all it was and it could be worked around with the right approach. But it's definitely true that men's brains for the most part function much differently to ours.

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    Default The Not So Serious Vent Thread #6

    It only works for that immediate situation. I have to reiterate ra h and every time.

    Eg I've told him that if he isn't sure how to help (baby coming this week) then he should make a cup of tea or some toast. He can always do this, and feel like he's making a difference for me. That day he made me a cuppa and brought it to me without me asking. One day later, just one day, and I was yelling at him about something and said he's useless (the usual hormone rage stuff lol) and he says "I just don't know what I can do though". Sigh.
    Last edited by MrsTugs; 19-07-2016 at 14:14.


 

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