I am posting under an assumed user name out of a horrible sense of embarrassment and guilt as well as a desire for privacy as I reveal more than I usually do on bH. 8 months ago DH and I made the very difficult decision to terminate a pregnancy. We have two beautiful daughters and while I, like many women, have that occasional twinge of desire for another baby, for our family it feels right that we are four. There were many factors, including my DH's recent cancer diagnosis, that contributed to our final decision and it was a heart-wrenching one to make but in the end I felt at peace with the road we had chosen.
Fast forward 8 months and I find myself potentially in the same situation again - how can we have let this happen knowing what it is like to face the sadness, guilt and horrible burden of an unwanted choice? We are in our late 30s and financially fairly stable however DH is terminally ill. AF is due in 2 days but I have so many of the familiar symptoms - nausea, fatigue, sore boobs, weeing at night - that I am heavy with anxiety and dread.
The last 12 months have been horrible but we have been strong. Now though I can't bring myself to face this and I don't know how I'm going to tell DH. I've tried one HPT for a BFN but I know that its realistically too early to have a positive result.
Bugger, bugger, bugger! TIA for any words of wisdom and non-judgy advice.