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  1. #11
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    I think it's a hard one to respond to bc only you know what you want. Personally I would 100% roll the dice again as I believe for *me* that you only regret the babies you don't have not the ones you do. But then there was a thread not long ago where a member disputed that saying her mother regretted 2 of her 4 kids. Will you cope if it doesn't come naturally? Only you know that. I suspect that's why there hasn't been many replies - bc the topic is so individual and personal.

    My only advice is to think in the future 10 years. It's just you, your DH and DD. How do you feel about that? Does it bring happy/neutral feelings or does it make you feel sad or think someone is missing? That's now I felt about conceiving my 3rd, like someone was missing from the family.

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  3. #12
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    I can't give you advice or know what you want to hear, but I can tell you what I would do in your situation.

    I would continue to try. DD took 1 year of saving before we could do 9 months of fertility treatments. We spent almost all of our savings. We had an early loss and were devastated. But now we have our savings back and all the needles and early mornings are a thing of the past.

    Only you know what is right. Maybe you don't know or don't think you know. But if you decided to keep going for now, you're allowed to change your mind later and stop. If you stop for now you can try again at any time.

    I find when I want to clear my head and reconnect with myself I go and watch my DP play with our daughter. I read a book. I sit in the sun.

    I'm sorry that you're struggling OP.

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  5. #13
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    Default When you can't make a decision ...

    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I think it's a hard one to respond to bc only you know what you want. Personally I would 100% roll the dice again as I believe for *me* that you only regret the babies you don't have not the ones you do. But then there was a thread not long ago where a member disputed that saying her mother regretted 2 of her 4 kids. Will you cope if it doesn't come naturally? Only you know that. I suspect that's why there hasn't been many replies - bc the topic is so individual and personal.

    My only advice is to think in the future 10 years. It's just you, your DH and DD. How do you feel about that? Does it bring happy/neutral feelings or does it make you feel sad or think someone is missing? That's now I felt about conceiving my 3rd, like someone was missing from the family.
    Ohhhhh the 10 year question is a good one. My first subconscious thought/reaction was "someone is missing"

    Californication, thank you. I think far too often I take things too personally. Thank you for the reminder it's not about me xx

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  7. #14
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    Default When you can't make a decision ...

    Quote Originally Posted by FirstTimeMummy2012 View Post
    I thought about doing this post anonymously but then I thought, f&ck it! I will not carry shame with this.

    In my quest to find inner peace and contentment, I find myself at an incredibly difficult crossroads. For those who don't know, my delightful 2.5 year old DD took one year and one miscarriage to conceive. She's the light of my life. My lighthouse.

    I find being a mum really tough. It doesn't come naturally to me and I find I have to work on, to cultivate my nurturing side, every single day.

    It took me almost 2 years before I could say to myself, "you know what? I'm ready to do this again!", and there began the journey of TTC a sibling for DD.

    2 chemicals and a loss at 10 weeks on the 30th June this year has had me questioning everything I thought I knew. I thought I wanted this, and yet here I find myself wanting to run and scream in the opposite direction at the mention of another baby. Im past the anger. Now I just feel sadness. Some days it's an engulfing sadness that I feel would only be able to pass if I can just make that decision to not have any more babies.

    I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve in this post but I'm hoping to read a reply that might trigger my answer for me. How did you know you were done? I want to be done. A very small part of me doesn't feel it's over just yet but a much bigger, much more dominant part of me is terrified. I can not lose another baby. 4 is enough for me. I don't feel I can take that risk again ... my heart just wouldn't cope.
    I am so sorry that you are going through this, it must be so incredibly difficult.

    I can relate...I had bad postnatal psychosis after DS and was hospitalised for months...we were scared of ttc for a while. When we did jump in I had about seven chems and have now found out I have high FSH, our first IVF cycle was just cancelled because of it, and we have had the donor egg speech.

    Yes there are some days where we just feel like giving up and I want to be done. But then I realise wanting to be done isn't the same as being done. We are pushing on because we feel we would regret it if we didn't...

    Have you considered looking into immune treatment? Sometimes the immune system can cause recurrent losses. We found out that I have antibodies that may be causing the chems and am now on an immune protocol to try and prevent that. There is a great NK thread with some very knowledgable ladies who can give you more information in that regard.

    Be kind to yourself, you have been through so much, and I think your feelings are completely understandable and natural.
    Last edited by Patience86; 21-10-2015 at 10:19.

  8. #15
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    Sorry I only see threads when they appear in the "latest" section on the ap, which appears to be very selective on what it shows.

    For me the question is does your family feel complete? If not then keep going. Ask yourself if you have one more go in you. If the answer is no then you need to work on dealing with being a smug mum of 1.

    Maybe take it one try at a time? Each time ask yourself can I try again now?

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  10. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patience86 View Post
    I am so sorry that you are going through this, it must be so incredibly difficult.

    I can relate...I had bad postnatal psychosis after DS and was hospitalised for months...we were scared of ttc for a while. When we did jump in I had about seven chems and have now found out I have high FSH, our first IVF cycle was just cancelled because of it, and we have had the donor egg speech.

    Yes there are some days where we just feel like giving up and I want to be done. But then I realise wanting to be done isn't the same as being done. We are pushing on because we feel we would regret it if we didn't...

    Have you considered looking into immune treatment? Sometimes the immune system can cause recurrent losses. We found out that I have antibodies that may be causing the chems and am now on an immune protocol to try and prevent that. There is a great NK thread with some very knowledgable ladies who can give you more information in that regard.

    Be kind to yourself, you have been through so much, and I think your feelings are completely understandable and natural.
    I have an autoimmune disorder (Hashimotos), I'm hypothyroid and heterozygous to the genetic mutation MTHFR so thankfully we have the causes for the recurrent losses (the last one being placental clotting) so I have an action plan should we decide to try again. I guess my fear is, do I really want one more and go I really want to risk another loss.

    I follow your diary so I'm very sorry for what you're going through with regards to TTC

  11. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Californication View Post
    I think sometimes people just don't know what to say. Don't take it to heart that you haven't had many replies. It's often the more serious threads that don't get many responses and the fun ones get pages. I posted a great yesterday too and think I got 6 replies. The Hub ebbs and flows, and some may have read the replies and not had more to offer. Happens all the time xxx
    I think this too but understand the frustration when you don't get the responses you were expecting. I posted a thread about 5mths ago asking for advice about bubs & anaesthesia as ds needed an op - I got absolutely zilch responses and was gutted considering how anxious I was. Went into his op blind as I knew nothing of what to expect. I did take it to heart as I come here for advice but had to let it go as I had bigger fish to fry...

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  13. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by michellek View Post
    I think this too but understand the frustration when you don't get the responses you were expecting. I posted a thread about 5mths ago asking for advice about bubs & anaesthesia as ds needed an op - I got absolutely zilch responses and was gutted considering how anxious I was. Went into his op blind as I knew nothing of what to expect. I did take it to heart as I come here for advice but had to let it go as I had bigger fish to fry...
    Never ever be afraid to shamelessly bump your thread. Many just use the latest section. I would have replied if j had seen it. But probably best I didn't as I might have scared you ha ha!

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  15. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by FirstTimeMummy2012 View Post
    I have an autoimmune disorder (Hashimotos), I'm hypothyroid and heterozygous to the genetic mutation MTHFR so thankfully we have the causes for the recurrent losses (the last one being placental clotting) so I have an action plan should we decide to try again. I guess my fear is, do I really want one more and go I really want to risk another loss.

    I follow your diary so I'm very sorry for what you're going through with regards to TTC
    It's great you have a plan, but yes it is such a scary decision to make after everything you have been through. The 10 year idea someone mentioned (I think Delerium?) is something I use often. I too feel like someone is missing, and feel that I would regret not trying more than trying in the future. But I haven't suffered the extent of losses that you have so I completely understand your trepidation.

    Thank you for your words too.

    Wishing you all the very best with whatever decision you make and sending you huge hugs.

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