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  1. #1
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    Default When you can't make a decision ...

    I thought about doing this post anonymously but then I thought, f&ck it! I will not carry shame with this.

    In my quest to find inner peace and contentment, I find myself at an incredibly difficult crossroads. For those who don't know, my delightful 2.5 year old DD took one year and one miscarriage to conceive. She's the light of my life. My lighthouse.

    I find being a mum really tough. It doesn't come naturally to me and I find I have to work on, to cultivate my nurturing side, every single day.

    It took me almost 2 years before I could say to myself, "you know what? I'm ready to do this again!", and there began the journey of TTC a sibling for DD.

    2 chemicals and a loss at 10 weeks on the 30th June this year has had me questioning everything I thought I knew. I thought I wanted this, and yet here I find myself wanting to run and scream in the opposite direction at the mention of another baby. Im past the anger. Now I just feel sadness. Some days it's an engulfing sadness that I feel would only be able to pass if I can just make that decision to not have any more babies.

    I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve in this post but I'm hoping to read a reply that might trigger my answer for me. How did you know you were done? I want to be done. A very small part of me doesn't feel it's over just yet but a much bigger, much more dominant part of me is terrified. I can not lose another baby. 4 is enough for me. I don't feel I can take that risk again ... my heart just wouldn't cope.
    Last edited by FirstTimeMummy2012; 20-10-2015 at 14:10.

  2. #2
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    No advice, just hugs x

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    FirstTimeMummy2012  (20-10-2015)

  4. #3
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    Another just offering hugs. You're at a difficult crossroads. I hope you find the right answer for yourself.

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    FirstTimeMummy2012  (20-10-2015)

  6. #4
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    Hugs honey. We only lost one, our first, and that was bad enough.

    My advice is very simplistic advice that an old friend gave me decades ago. Toss a coin. You don't have to follow what it says, but I know when I've had major decisions to make, I've tossed a coin and if I'm happy, then I know which way to go. If my stomach drops, I also know that I didn't want the answer that came up.

    I don't think anyone could blame you if you decided enough was enough. 4 loses takes a toll both physically and emotionally. I've seen that first hand through my sister.

    Good luck with whatever you decide.

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    FirstTimeMummy2012  (20-10-2015)

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    Firstly, sorry for your little angels and the point at which you find yourself asking questions. I feel a little bit the same but on the topic of baby #3. (i think we may have been in a dig together at one point too:-) )

    I would dearly love another in the future but a mmc at 12.5wks before dd (she took 2yrs to conceive) and a 2nd mmc at 10.5wks between dd and ds has me worried about pushing my luck anymore. I sit and think we have the perfect comfortable family and why change it but then have that niggle that I want more babies! But, we went mmc, dd, mmc, ds ...what will happen if we do try again? I don't like the pattern we've had and seeing healthy hb's all the time only to have them ripped away at a later scan is gut wrenching. My 2nd mmc almost broke me completely, I have 2 kids now that will be affected if things ended badly

    So, after all that, I can't actually help but to say I 100% empathise with the 'im not done/I am done' feeling. I think though for me, I can't bear the thought of selling anything & another baby does exist in my thoughts so that in itself says to me no, not done
    Xx

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    FirstTimeMummy2012  (20-10-2015)

  10. #6
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    Thank you ladies for taking the time to reply. I'm very grateful for that. Considering what a huge forum this is, I'm very disappointed in the lack of replies but grateful you ladies took the time to answer so thank you xx

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    Sorry my response wasn't more helpful. I think I might try @Californication's advice with the coin next time I am stuck on a decision, even if I don't follow the result!

    Do you have to make a decision soon, or can you wait 6 months or so and revisit? It might take the pressure off and help you make the decision.

  12. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Dancer View Post
    Sorry my response wasn't more helpful. I think I might try @Californication's advice with the coin next time I am stuck on a decision, even if I don't follow the result!

    Do you have to make a decision soon, or can you wait 6 months or so and revisit? It might take the pressure off and help you make the decision.
    Any response is helpful xx
    I'm 36 and in peri menopause so time is against me ..

  13. #9
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    Ah. No delaying a decision then. Sending hugs to you. It's a tough call.

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    FirstTimeMummy2012  (21-10-2015)

  15. #10
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    I think sometimes people just don't know what to say. Don't take it to heart that you haven't had many replies. It's often the more serious threads that don't get many responses and the fun ones get pages. I posted a great yesterday too and think I got 6 replies. The Hub ebbs and flows, and some may have read the replies and not had more to offer. Happens all the time xxx

  16. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Californication For This Useful Post:

    FirstTimeMummy2012  (21-10-2015),michellek  (21-10-2015)


 

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