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  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I don't have any advice about your situation but I have the same set up with my partner, a child each and one together. I just want to say it's ok sometimes to be frustrated at the situation you are in, most of the time when all 3 kids are together I want to tear my hair out because of the way the house dynamic changes when my step son is with us (my oldest is always with us doesn't see bio dad at all). It's a nightmare sometimes. You don't always have to love how things are, just remember kids only get older and hopefully mr 3 will be less reliant on being carried and cuddles etc as he grows. Good luck xx

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    He's only three! He's a baby! Geeez

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to HomeSchoolMumOf4 For This Useful Post:

    just her chameleon  (20-10-2015)

  4. #13
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Op I don't have any advice sorry as I'm in the same boat as far as dh and I constantly fighting because we disagree over dss parenting. I just couldn't read some of these terribly unhelpful comments and not let you know I understand your frustration. I can see where a lot of people reading would take your comment as putting down a young child, but what I read was a mother that's terribly frustrated because you have a child of your own and a newborn that you are dealing will all alone because dad isn't doing more, more help with the baby, more to help 3 year old feel comfortable within his family and home.
    As a step parent myself I understand your frustration. Pm me if you like

  5. #14
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Here's some harshness for you - read it, don't read it, ignore it, send hate my way - up to you.

    He's 3. He's still a baby. He wants his Dad. He no longer lives with his Dad. His sole focus is to be with Dad as much as possible. As far as he's concerned, you, your 7yo and the new baby are in his way.

    Say you and your DP split up and he gets a new partner. How do you want the new partner treating your baby when all the baby wants to do is be with Dad?

    You need to just suck it up. He's not a baby forever. He's not a houseguest. He is your partners SON. How he raises his Son is up to him. How you raise your 7yo is up to you. How you both raise your baby is up to BOTH of you. As long as he's not destructive or rude to you, so what that he wants to sit with his Dad, cuddle his Dad or be held by his Dad at every chance he can.

    This may sound judgey - but you're Mrs McJudgey. So what that DP's family/ex-family baby his Son. So what if his ex puts him in daycare even though she's at home. You don't live her life. You don't know what she can and can't cope with. I feel sorry for the 3yo that has been thrown into a situation he can't cope with or have a say in.

    Until DP asks for help or advice, you just have to hold you tongue.

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    HomeSchoolMumOf4  (20-10-2015),just her chameleon  (20-10-2015),Lincolns mummy  (20-10-2015),PomPoms  (20-10-2015),yadot  (20-10-2015)

  7. #15
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I have a lot of sympathy for you OP. There is A LOT going on here for everyone in your little family. I've been a step-parent in a previous relationship (didn't have my own then though) and it is complex.
    The little boy is only 3 so is dealing with the major disruption of his parents not together and seeing each of them for half the time. 50/50 custody for such a young child is hard work, it's easy to forget how little they are and how much at that age they need stability and consistency. In (a long) time that 50/50 time will become his consistency but for now it's no wonder he's all over the shop. He's vulnerable, confused, and doesn't understand these adult changes. It's clear he misses his dad. He's also got to contend with the fact that he has to share his dad with you, your son and his new half-sibling. AND he's got another half-sibling on the way with his mum (presumably she's re-partnered too?). That is a lot for a child of any age to cope with so its no wonder he's especially needy and I suspect that it wouldn't really matter the parenting style he'd still be looking for that extra love and reassurance.
    I'm not saying this to make you feel bad it's obvious you're really frustrated maybe not by him so much but by how your DP manages things.
    If your DP is willing then I think it would be great to take some time out and do a parenting class together. Maybe a class on blended families. I think Relationships Australia run these? Or one of the big charity groups like uniting communities/centacare. Or alternatively some couples counseling to nut out your differences in parenting style and work out a family plan of how you will each parent your children and parent together. Without this I think you are heading for a crisis situation from what you've said.
    It is fair that you need help with your new baby. Your baby had two parents so DP needs to figure out how he can parent both children. It is also fair to expect time together as a family unit and as a couple.
    In the back of your mind think about your new baby and if they were in your step-son's position. How would you want your child treated by his step-mum and what could be done to assist the situation. If you imagine your child in his position then there might be a softer approach to take.
    Big hugs it is not an easy place to be in and I have a lot of empathy for you and hope that you and DP can work together so you're all happier as a family xo

  8. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to gingermillie For This Useful Post:

    babyno1onboard  (21-10-2015),InvisibleWoman  (20-10-2015),Mokeybear  (20-10-2015)


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