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  1. #1
    harvs's Avatar
    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    Default Please help me!

    I am sitting here in tears. I just totally lost my sh!t at DS. I have never ever raised my voice at him until tonight. He won't stop being defiant and is punching me if I have to pick him up to remove him from whatever he's doing or if he doesn't like me in general.

    Sometimes he is just randomly rough because he thinks it's funny or is misguidedly being affectionate so I'm trying to show him how to do it gently or else if he is just being rough I put him on the ground off my lap and move away, usually to a room with a baby gate so we are separate. It feels sadistic to do that but it gives me time to calm myself.

    I'm over it and now I feel ****ing guilty too 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

    I apologised to him after and explained why I was cross and we had big cuddles but I can't do this as a daily thing. I try to give him space to make choices for himself when it is logical and freedom to do his own thing, but there are times when it's mum's choice and he knows that. He doesn't get to pick bedtime or when we go leave the playground or when he has a bath. It's always been this way.

    I've taken his cars away for the night (he normally likes to go to sleep with them) and he understands why.

    I try so hard to be consistent and calm but tonight was a big fat fail. Has anyone else's toddler suddenly become violent and what can I do?

    Yours sincerely

    Sad and despondent...

  2. #2
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    No advice hun, but plenty of sympathy and understanding. I have lost it in a big way with the boys a couple of times (more than my usual carrying on) and just felt like utter $hite afterwards. Parenting is hard work and it's relentless. Blips on the radar like this aren't what make you as a parent. Be kind to yourself x
    Last edited by Moxy; 18-10-2015 at 18:59.

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  4. #3
    Mod-Nomsie's Avatar
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    Ok firstly- dont beat yourself up! You're an excellent mum doing it mostly by yourself so I take my hat off to you!
    Don't feel bad for losing your poo bit happens to the best of us. And honesty- kids need to see us being frustrated and angry sometimes, because it normalises those feelings. We can't hide stuff like that from them.
    It's how we deal with everything in the aftermath that is important.
    You've had your cuddles and sorry's and chats etc, now follow through with the no cars thing. Of course you know as well as I do that it's tough, but e has to know you will follow through on threats and consequences.

    Sometimes I turn into a stark raving lunatic- and my kids still think I am the best mum in the whole, wide world. He will still love you in the morning.


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    gingermillie  (18-10-2015),harvs  (18-10-2015),Mokeybear  (18-10-2015)

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    My DS is younger than yours. He hits us whenever we say no or he is unhappy with us. I have no clue why or where he picked this up. Honestly I have no idea what to do most of the time. I have lost it at him.

    I apologize. Give him cuddles. Explain what happened.

    He is ok. And you are doing so much of this on your own.

    Hugs. You are a great mum. I know it does not help the guilt but you are a great mum.

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    harvs  (18-10-2015)

  8. #5
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    Thanks lovelies. I feel better now. I just hate feeling like I have no leverage and I don't want to be always taking things away from him or putting him in time out. It just seems to be the only currency atm.

    Only 358 days til he's four 👍🏼

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    Hugs. We've all been there. Give yourself a break.

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  12. #7
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    AdornedWithCats is online now Winner 2013 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    Big hugs xx

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mod-Nomsie View Post

    Sometimes I turn into a stark raving lunatic- and my kids still think I am the best mum in the whole, wide world. He will still love you in the morning.

    ^^this bit^^
    No advice on the behaviour from DS but as hard as it is try not to hate on yourself. You've done the right thing harvs. No one is an angel Saint parent who never loses their cool.
    In a past life I had a little stepdaughter (from the ages 5-8) who knew exactly how to push my buttons. Her mum had died so I was it mum-figure wise. I lost my cool a few times and when I was feeling like sh!t after she'd choose that moment to put her little arms around me and say she loved me. Once I said 'even though I shouted at you?' and she smiled and said yes. It makes you feel crap but they're resilient little beings and sometimes losing it a bit can demonstrate a real boundary for appropriate behaviour.
    You're doing a great job xo

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    You are so hard on yourself hunny, sometimes surviving the toddler years feels like a very long marathon of mental torture. We all yell sometimes, anyone that claims they don't are lying or were broken by the child/children long before 😀

    Heck, I still yell at my 18 year old sometimes.

    You are an awesome mum, it's HARD doing it on your own. I was just thinking earlier how actually I really don't enjoy Sunday's very much because DD doesn't have a sleep and by about this time in the arvo I'm mentally climbing walls. Then I felt bad and then I looked at the clock for solace knowing bedtime is not that far away.

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  18. #10
    Mod-Nomsie's Avatar
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    Also Harvs if it makes you better, dd who has just turned two knows the sh word and the f word and how to use them in context.

    So tell me- who is the worse parent out of the two of us?

    (Ps the answer to that qn is my df because he is the one that swears the most! )

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