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  1. #1
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    Default Bonding with 4 month old

    Hi guys, I have a 4 month old boy and up until recently my baby was a real mummy's boy, crying for anyone else who held him and settled only with me. I feel bad admitting this but I loved the special bond me and bubba shared, it made me feel loved and I felt like his favourite.
    Recently it's all changed, he will settle for almost anyone and he doesn't seem to have any preference for me at all. The only preference he now shows is for his dad when he walks in from work. He gazes at him and smiles at him and clearly wants to be with dad.
    I am glad he loves his dad, but I really really want to be my sons first preference with daddy being second. I don't know if this is bad feelings or not but I can't help my feelings. I am at home with our baby all day and do everything for him (hubby won't even change a nappy) and I wear him a lot, give him lots of attention etc. does our baby not prefer me? What can I do to turn it around?

  2. #2
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    In all honesty your son sounds well adjusted and happy. You are lucky he will settle for others. You will always be his #1 mum

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    Jane17031703  (17-10-2015)

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    I second PP. my daughter is now 1 and is only just starting to want to go to other people. Bubs personality might have a lot to do with it.

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    Jane17031703  (17-10-2015)

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    My DS was a mummy's boy for... well a long time. Trust me when I say that if your bub is happy to go to other people - especially your DH.

    It is draining when you have a gery clingy bub who only wants you - physically and mentally. I get your feelings - we carry our babies in our bellies for 40 weeks. They are 'ours only' in that time. And it's hard to let go. I did experience so many moments of not wanting anyone else holding him - so I get it.

    In saying all of that you are home with him all day - anyone else is just 'different' and 'fun'. Also bubs tend to go through separation anxiety later so you will probably find that his 'preference' changes over time.

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    Jane17031703  (17-10-2015)

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    Hun, your DS being content to go to others actually just means you've done an exceptional job! It means that you've made him feel so safe and loved that he feels comfortable to go to others as he knows he's safe.

    My DS is the same, gets soooo excited to see Daddy! But that's because he's with me all day, and he only gets too see Daddy for a few hours of the day.

    Don't take it personally, as hard as that is. You know that you're his world, his safe place and that he loves you and finds his comfort in your arms.

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    AdornedWithCats  (17-10-2015),babyno1onboard  (17-10-2015),Jane17031703  (17-10-2015),littleriv  (17-10-2015),Rose&Aurelia&Hannah  (17-10-2015)

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    I agree with what everyone else has already said.

    I'll also add that if you were to go out for an hour or so and leave bub with Dad, you'd probably find bub showed the same signs of excitement when you got back, as he does when your hubby gets home from work.

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    Jane17031703  (17-10-2015),Rose&Aurelia&Hannah  (17-10-2015)

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    Wow thanks guys. That really is all comforting and nice to know. I really appreciate the lack of judgement too. I was half expecting to be judged for having those feelings. So thank you.

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    My DD is now 2.5 and I admit it still hurts a bit when Ive spent all day with her, done everything for her then the minute DH gets home it's 'Daddy!' and she's all over him.
    But... I remind myself how lucky she is to have two parents who love and adore her. She has a special relationship with both of us. And yes, it does make it so much easier for when I do need to go out that she is happy with DH and he can car for her too.
    So try and look on the positives! Go and grab yourself a cup of tea while your DS has some daddy time


 

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