I was recently told by my psych that I am beginning to become a little depressed.
I have held it so well together for so long, I am finally beginning to feel the pressures of my life get to me.
I am frustrated with life. I am angry and defensive and unreasonable sometimes. Right now I am about an 8 on the anger meter. My DH has gotten the brunt of it all. Some of it is warranted.
I feel like I have screwed my life up, even though my life is better then others.
I am actually struggling right now to even speak about my issues.
My children are the trolls of my existence, love them, but my god, I can't deal with a lot that goes on these days that they do. I even get angry over them getting sick, which happens way too often.
Every time we have plans to do something fun or important, something happens. Someone is sick is usually the main reason.
I have my DS2's important speech therapy session today. Purposely picked today because DS1 has Preschool. My heater breaks late last night and now I have to cancel my appointment for the 3rd time, because I have to now wait for a plumber to show.. 'SOMETIME' today. I pray they don't arrive while I am dropping or picking up Ds1.
Mother was right.. never plan, it never happens.
I can't even shower or anything right now, cause the gas is off.
My DH and I are having issues regarding him having the snip. Me wanting the option to stay open as long as he is allowed between now and actually having the procedure. I may change my mind.
But now it's become more about his inadequacy as a person and a provider that seems to be the key factor as to why he has not thought about my feelings on all this.
I hate my life most days. I hate people most days. I am hating myself all the time.
My best friend and I are traveling different paths these days. That ship is beginning to sail away....
The stress of having my sons ready for school and preschool with assistant aids, has been draining, talking about your children's worst qualities makes you think you have totally failed somehow.
The fact I feel like I am alone a lot as well. And little support.
The fact that I know I am not liked by my inlaws because of how I do things. The fact that they don't understand even though think they do.
I can't deal anymore..
I feel like I have little to no control.