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  1. #11
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    How frustrating! Living together and parenting is a team effort. It's especially important to support one another during tough times (after giving birth!) not fair on you at all 😢 I am so fortunate my husband has always helped out, cooked and cleaned even before I became pregnant, just more so now especially when I'm feeling unwell and tired. Just as he knows I would do the same for him if he wasn't well. So important to work together and support one another ❤️

  2. #12
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    Seems really unfair that this pressure is being put on you especially under the circumstances you have.

    First time I've heard of a hubby feeling like this about housework!

    Hope things improve for you

  3. #13
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    Sorry to hear you are dealing with this right now. My hubby is exactly the same about cleaning the house, someone suggested just leaving it and see how long it took for him to help, we got about 2 weeks in and he wasn't fazed but I couldn't stand it. It caused lots and lots of arguments (pre kids as well) so one day hubby actually organised a cleaner and it is the best thing we have ever done. I just consider what the cleaner does as Hubby share of inside work, I still do all the day to day stuff. Don't get me wrong my hubby isn't a bad guy just doesn't worry about cleaning, it like he doesn't even see it, especially if anyone comes over (which embarrasses me so much, if I get home and he house is a tip and he has people over!) and I'm sure it's the same situation for your hubby, it's just not a big deal for them. My hubby also does everything outside too but inside work is everyday, while outside is once a week.
    Anyway since we got the cleaner about 5 years ago things have been much more pleasant in our house. Could you organise it to happen for a few weeks while he isn't home and then mention it after? Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's right to hide it from hubby but he might see the benefits of it, once it has happened a few times.

  4. #14
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    When I was pregnant (and unwell most of the time) I told my husband that living in a dirty house stresses me out - I don't want to live in a mess as it doesn't make for a pleasant living environment. Because the mess doesn't bother him he used to give me some bs about cleaning not being the best use of his time. I told him if he wasn't prepared to help me then we were getting a cleaner as I didn't want to spend all my spare time (exhausted with pregnancy and then a new baby) trying to keep on top of housework. So we got a cleaner; one year on with me back at work full time we still have a cleaner. You're entitled to some r&r and he just needs to get over it...or pull his finger out and help you!!!

  5. #15
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    Thanks so much for the support everyone. We had a massive fight after I put this post up. No matter how I try to explain this to him, he can not comprehend that he's being a total jerk and lays the blame for our discontent squarely on me. He accuses me of wanting the house to look like a magazine, while he wants it to be a "home"...umm, I'm cleaning dust and soap scum off bathroom sinks and his skid marks out of the toilet!! I would have thought that this was pretty standard stuff to want cleaned up?! There are toys everywhere I look...it's a long way from magazine worthy!!!

    I've tried leaving things in the past, just to see if it helped him pick up his act, but he just doesn't see mess or filth. He would live like that for months before noticing that I had even stopped cleaning. Heaven help me if my car brings mud into "his" garage on its tyres though after he's cleaned up out there!!

    The idea of just getting a cleaner without discussing it with him is a good one. We can afford it at a pinch, at least while PPL is being paid, so I might just do that. It would certainly help to bring some harmony into our house that has been lacking for a long time.

  6. #16
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    Thanks so much for the support everyone. We had a massive fight after I put this post up. No matter how I try to explain this to him, he can not comprehend that he's being a total jerk and lays the blame for our discontent squarely on me. He accuses me of wanting the house to look like a magazine, while he wants it to be a "home"...umm, I'm cleaning dust and soap scum off bathroom sinks and his skid marks out of the toilet!! I would have thought that this was pretty standard stuff to want cleaned up?! There are toys everywhere I look...it's a long way from magazine worthy!!!

    I've tried leaving things in the past, just to see if it helped him pick up his act, but he just doesn't see mess or filth. He would live like that for months before noticing that I had even stopped cleaning. Heaven help me if my car brings mud into "his" garage on its tyres though after he's cleaned up out there!!

    The idea of just getting a cleaner without discussing it with him is a good one. We can afford it at a pinch, at least while PPL is being paid, so I might just do that. It would certainly help to bring some harmony into our house that has been lacking for a long time.

  7. #17
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    meh, if he cbf cleaning up for his own parents, why the hell should you, a few weeks fresh out of childbirth.

    he sounds like an unsupportive twit.

    relax and catch up on your sleep and enjoy your new bub. as others have suggested, could you get a cleaner in for 3 hours to give the place a bit of a spruce up?

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    BlondeinBrisvegas  (13-10-2015)

  9. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    meh, if he cbf cleaning up for his own parents, why the hell should you, a few weeks fresh out of childbirth.
    A part of me really agrees with this but then the other part of me can sympathize with the OP; I hate the thought of people coming to my place when it looks like a bomb.

    I like the idea of one of the PPs who said leave it and then apologise to your MIL with something like 'sorry about the mess, as you can imagine I've been flat out with the new baby and DH had been really busy with his guitar'. Passive aggressive I know and it depends on the kind of people your in laws are but if it were my son I would not be impressed at all.

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    BlondeinBrisvegas  (13-10-2015),Californication  (13-10-2015),JustJaq  (13-10-2015)

  11. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mama Mirabelle View Post
    'sorry about the mess, as you can imagine I've been flat out with the new baby and DH had been really busy with his guitar'.
    See I would totally say this.

    OP early in my relationship with DH it ws similar. he was slovenly and lazy and couldn't care less, whereas I did. I would come home from work weekends and on the weekends clean the whole time after I would ask him to do some housework and 3 hours later it still wasn't done. he would accuse me of 'setting him up' to have something to whinge about by doing the job that "I was going to do in a min". A huh that's why I asked you hours and hours ago

    In the end he did pick up his game and admitted his anger was bc me cleaning made him feel guilty, but not guilty enough to overcome the laziness.

    It seems to me he's a lazy git and he knows it. When you clean even though you are exhausted with a newborn, he feels guilty knowing he should be doing it. But even knowing that he's too lazy to step up.
    Last edited by delirium; 13-10-2015 at 20:45.

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  13. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mama Mirabelle View Post
    A part of me really agrees with this but then the other part of me can sympathize with the OP; I hate the thought of people coming to my place when it looks like a bomb.

    I like the idea of one of the PPs who said leave it and then apologise to your MIL with something like 'sorry about the mess, as you can imagine I've been flat out with the new baby and DH had been really busy with his guitar'. Passive aggressive I know and it depends on the kind of people your in laws are but if it were my son I would not be impressed at all.
    see I gave that advice but I know the OCD freak in me would never permit that to happen.

    tbh I'd prob throw such a tantrum and shout and carry on that he'd just be forced to give in. but that's hardly ideal with a brand new bub in the house.

    I'd prob just pay a cleaner really. I do like your idea about dropping the "busy with his guitar" comment though too.


 

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