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  1. #1
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    Default Behaviour and discipline issues for 20 month old

    Hi all,

    Our first child is 20 months old. He is generally a very well behaved and happy little boy. My husband and I disagree on a couple of things relating to discipline and safety however.

    1) We have removed everything that is a danger to our son in his environment, but there are still things we haven't removed that we just don't want him to touch (stereo, books on shelves, etc). But being a curious toddler he touches them multiple times a day, and my husband shouts at him for it. I believe we should just remove these things from his reach as he will inevitably go for them and I don't want him shouted at all the time. My husband believes we shouldn't remove these things, and that we should be able to teach him not to touch them by shouting at him whenever he touches them. Am I being unreasonable? Is it appropriate to try teaching him at this age?

    2) When my husband changes out son's nappy he leaves him alone on the change table for about 15 seconds while he empties the nappy contents into the toilet. I always deal with the nappy after changing our son to avoid leaving him unattended in case he squirms and falls off. My husband won't do the same as me or even strap him to the change table - he thinks that because he has told our son to "stay" that he won't move. Our son hasn't fallen off to date but I constantly worry that he will. Am I being unreasonable and paranoid?

    My husband is a scientist and is only convinced of things when presented with conventional evidence-based research. Where can I find such material to show him? I'm thinking books or research articles. What I currently say is not enough, he just says it's my opinion and not fact.

    Help!!!???

  2. #2
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    Obviously the shouting isnt working is it? Secondly hes not a dog, he wont "stay", and lastly theres no need to remove anything from the room apart from obvious dangerous things, hes being normal. Kids will touch things its a fact of life. The more you shout and dont want him to touch things the more he will want to do it. As for the change table, either get rid of it so he needs to get changed on the floor so no danger of falling or your hubby will learn the hard way when he falls off.

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    Interesting one. Our house is also not very "child friendly" per se but we have not changed much. Obviously we don't have anything dangerous in reach such as access to knife drawers etc but our kitchen is all open plan with open shelving etc.

    He used to pull all the books off the bookshelf but now I have made a dedicated shelf at his reach that is half his books and half ours. He has learnt he can play with his books but never touches ours anymore. I think exploring is part of their development so unless it's dangerous I usually let him go for it but try to teach him to be gentle and put things back when he's finished. I don't think they really learn from shouting though. I would be more inclined to bend down to his level and show him what is appropriate in a calm manner. I would reserve shouting for a danger situation so they're not too accustomed to it and will react appropriately when used.

    As far as the change table goes I definitely wouldn't be leaving them unattended but it depends on your child. The table is so small as they get bigger so without intending to try to get down it wouldn't take much of a wrong or accidental movement one way to have them fall.

    Good luck, it's so hard sometimes to find a middle ground with differing opinions on parenting. In the end everyone is trying their best so hopefully you can find what works for you both

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    Does your change table say 'do not leave a child on it unsupervised? ' because I think that one is just common sense.

    As for touching things. I didn't really remove anything from our daughter. But would say firmly 'no we don't touch that' and show what things she can touch.
    Yelling I doubt will achieve anything. Perhaps direct him to a few parenting books etc.

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    Re the change table - he will probably fall off if left unsupervised. Hopefully your DP will learn from that exercise (evidence based!) and your little one doesn't get too hurt..

    In my experience, yelling makes it a fun game as its loud and he gets attention. Distraction works better for us and our 19mo eventually loses interest in the things he shouldn't touch.

    Good luck - changing your partners mindset is tough!!

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    HI there, if you have an inquisitive toddler, I have found there are 2 options. either remove the items, or alternatively, leave them where they are but be prepared to implement a strategy when your toddler touches them, which involves not yelling at the child, but rather, a 'no, please do not touch that' and redirect the child to another activity, followed by a positive reinforcement when they start at the other activity. It can mean you will be re-directing many, many times per day. all the best.


 

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