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  1. #31
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    Thanks for all the replies. My relatives will be here for the whole month and I'm due in the first week so if all goes to plan they'll be here for the first three weeks after bub is born.

    Unfortunately I definitely won't have my Mum or Dad on board. When I had my DD my parents and in laws practically squatted at my house, they were helpful but it was also very overwhelming. I appreciated the help but they were also intrusive in that they'd just take DD and wouldn't want to give her back, and I didn't have the space to establish breastfeeding which I had huge problems with and eventually gave up and bottle fed.

    I was hoping that this second time, which will probably also be my last baby, I could do things differently and have more space and time. Now with extra relatives here I know it's going to be difficult. My parents would have been offended in the first place when I told them to back off this time, now they will be extra offended because in their world the worst thing you can ever do is offend people and especially overseas guests, their comfort should come first.

    I just know it's going to be stressful which is why I'm worrying about it from now.

    I appreciate the replies though, I'm going to try to take some of the advice and toughen up and just focus on what's best for me and DH and our children. I just know I'm going to end up offending people. I really wish they would come later, like a few months after I've had the baby when I've gotten used to having a newborn and toddler; they think they're doing something so great for me to come when I'm due to give birth but I'm a private and anxious person and I really don't see it that way.

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mama Mirabelle View Post
    Thanks for all the replies. My relatives will be here for the whole month and I'm due in the first week so if all goes to plan they'll be here for the first three weeks after bub is born.

    Unfortunately I definitely won't have my Mum or Dad on board. When I had my DD my parents and in laws practically squatted at my house, they were helpful but it was also very overwhelming. I appreciated the help but they were also intrusive in that they'd just take DD and wouldn't want to give her back, and I didn't have the space to establish breastfeeding which I had huge problems with and eventually gave up and bottle fed.

    I was hoping that this second time, which will probably also be my last baby, I could do things differently and have more space and time. Now with extra relatives here I know it's going to be difficult. My parents would have been offended in the first place when I told them to back off this time, now they will be extra offended because in their world the worst thing you can ever do is offend people and especially overseas guests, their comfort should come first.

    I just know it's going to be stressful which is why I'm worrying about it from now.

    I appreciate the replies though, I'm going to try to take some of the advice and toughen up and just focus on what's best for me and DH and our children. I just know I'm going to end up offending people. I really wish they would come later, like a few months after I've had the baby when I've gotten used to having a newborn and toddler; they think they're doing something so great for me to come when I'm due to give birth but I'm a private and anxious person and I really don't see it that way.
    aww hun. I feel bad for you. esp if it's your last bub and you'd like to try and have a better experience than first time round. what are your dh's views on it? will he back you up?

    I don't know why people don't get it. they think they're doing you a favour by coming and visiting but it just ends up being stressful and annoying and you can't enjoy it! don't they think?

    I can only imagine how painful it would've been having 2 sets of parents squatting at your house. I think I'd end up going crazy with anxiety and lack of space/privacy.

    be strong and do what you feel is best.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by HappyBovine View Post
    If that's the case, I would hide in my room for as long as I needed and tell them that the baby is easily distracted and not feeding properly and the doctor? / midwife? / lactation consultant ? (insert whatever profession you think they would respect most) has told you that you must feed alone.

    It may be different this time as you have your older DD who they can play with.
    I have done the 'hide in room' thing lol. I did not feel comfortable breastfeeding in front of anyone at all in the beginning (now I'm 'meh whatever').

    Will they respect a 'do not disturb' sign on the door? Or maybe like R&A does send them to work (seriously R&A I wish I had your assertiveness. And wasn't weird about things).

    Do you babywear? Could have baby in a sling/wrap for a majority of the time so baby is not passed around for hours.

    Bring it up now if you can so it is not a surprise.

  4. #34
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    I've been very firm with not having visitors. I had a very rough and traumatic emergency csection so did not feel up to entertaining. I had my mum here for a week. She cooked, cleaned and helped look after our 2.5 year old son.
    It's exhausting recovering from csection, and dealing with a newborn and a toddler enough as it is. I don't need to worry about having a clean house for visitors and sacrificing sleep time for visit time. Not in those first few weeks when I'm trying to figure out our new way of life!!

    MIL visited once and just wanted to hold the baby the whole time. Except for when she went outside to smoke and DIDN'T EVEN CLOSE THE DOOR. I stormed over, closed the door hard while saying "close the door if you're going to smoke" loudly. Needless to say she didn't say another word to me. Having said that i barely got a hello when she arrived.

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  6. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by twinklify View Post

    Will they respect a 'do not disturb' sign on the door? Or maybe like R&A does send them to work (seriously R&A I wish I had your assertiveness. And wasn't weird about things).
    I'm usually weird about some things but if it comes to me resting after a baby and my grandmother putting the dishes away incorrectly? Meh. It's not important.

    In my experience people want to help you. When I hear the "call me if you need me" line, by gosh I do.

    Look right now I have both my parents visiting plus my MIL is here. I'm going for a long hot shower. There are sufficient adults per child and face it, no one is here to see me.

  7. #36
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    OP I really feel for you. We had o/s family visiting (at Xmas) less than a month after DD was born. It was really difficult, also considering DD had been in and out of hospital for the first few weeks with a medical issue and I was still feeling pretty anxious from that.

    I think distraction can be useful. If you're not all that comfy telling people to pitch in and setting strong boundaries, the next best thing might be to plan out some activities for each day, especially to keep your DD occupied. Maybe some suggestions for both entertaining DD, and also fun stuff to do for visitors? Like as in a trip to the zoo, a road trip, going to a special playground, cafe, etc? Then you can choose whether you go along or not, depending on how you're feeling. Win-win for your DD too, who might be feeling a bit left out with a new sibling in the house?

  8. #37
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    I had completely forgotten about this thread. Thanks for the replies guys. As it turns out the visitors plans fell through, so they'll be visiting later in the year instead, I'm so relieved!

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