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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by twinklify View Post
    I am private and very 'I'll just do it' so it's hard for me to have people over doing stuff for me - even family.

    My mum will be in the same country for this pregnancy but even though I love and adore my mum I would not want her staying or coming over for hours every day. And definitely not my inlaws.

    Its hard to explain. I kinda wish I was different but it makes me anxious if they were around helping.
    I can understand that, I am also an anxious person but have no problem telling people what to do ha ha

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Your mil sounds great. I gather she is happy to help?

    My mil is not like that. I could be struggling with 2 kids and she will be sitting on the lounge reading a book. She will get up to make herself a cup of tea. Then sit back down again and read her book.
    Yes my MIL is helpful. I guess I'm also less subtle. I just plonk kids on less helpful visitors or hand them a vacuum.

    It's personality dependent. I know I help out my family and friends. So I expect help in the same way.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Rose&Aurelia&Hannah For This Useful Post:

    Purple Poppy  (10-10-2015)

  4. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    thanks. my parents live in another state though so if they came, they'd prob expect to stay with us. the idea of house guests really stresses me out. also, my mum is not the best cook so unlikely we'd want to eat anything she cooks (sorry I know that sounds shocking but just trying to illustrate the situation accurately).
    Both our families are interstate and I told them with our first that they couldn't stay with us - we lived in a 2 bedroom apartment at the time and I think that was reasonable. They still spent most of the day with us, just gave me a bit more space while I was still doing overnight feedings. With my second, I was a bit more relaxed because any visitors could help keep DD entertained but wouldn't have any longer than a weekend.

    I do tend to not mind visitors overall during that period and I'm lucky that my mum just sees what needs to be done and does it. She came down to watch the kids when we were at a wedding and I realised the following Monday that she had folded all our washing and Dad had done all the washing up. I also expect DH to run interference with my FIL by taking him out or suggesting he does stuff when I'm ****ed off.

    I do understand however, that people need some time to themselves and find it easier with short visits rather than extended period of time. We're all different.

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    turquoisecoast  (10-10-2015)

  6. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Purple Poppy View Post
    It would be hard if they were staying with you full time. Is there someone else they could stay with or a hotel still close by?
    yeah this was suggested to me by another member on a different thread. I'd not thought of that option at all. there's some quest apartments in the next suburb to us so that could be an option. close enough for dh to drive over and pick them up/drop them off and without the hassle of staying with us full time.

    mil lives a while away and unfortunately, her driving repertoire is extremely restricted. she keeps offering to have my parents stay with her but it's honestly just not a practical solution, as they'd have zero transport to get around (she offered the use of her car but I know my parents wouldn't feel comfortable just taking someone's car) and she lives out in the burbs (like far away) so not like they could even get a taxi over to visit us. it's a bit of a hard situation.

    I think, with the way I feel right now, I'd like no visitors etc for the first 2 weeks. definitely none in the hospital either. after the 2 weeks is up and hopefully we're in a bit of a routine, people may visit for short stays (1-2 hours max) but notice is required. no casual drop ins. as for house guests, definitely none until bubs has had his 6 week shots at least. any interstate visitors will need to find accommodation local to us. dh will happily ferry people back and forth between our house for visits and the accommodation.

    I think if anyone is upset or offended at that, well too bad. I get the impression my parents are hoping to stay with us but I'm just not keen. they stayed with us last year and it was ok but I really felt the extra bodies in the house and the lack of space. just all sitting down to watch a movie together was hard as our couch doesn't accommodate 4 adults. plus they leave stuff just laying around which drove me crazy and that was me non-preg and pre-baby. I dread to think how I'll be after having bub and being tired and over wrought and having to think about this extra little human to care for!!

    not trying to be mean either, I get family is excited obviously about a new bub but I think they overlook how important the time is for the new family to bond and find their groove etc. all very difficult to do with a constant ****** of visitors.

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    Quote Originally Posted by twinklify View Post
    I am private and very 'I'll just do it' so it's hard for me to have people over doing stuff for me - even family.

    My mum will be in the same country for this pregnancy but even though I love and adore my mum I would not want her staying or coming over for hours every day. And definitely not my inlaws.

    Its hard to explain. I kinda wish I was different but it makes me anxious if they were around helping.
    I'm totally the same and totally get where you're coming from. I wish I wasn't like this but I can't help it. even just the idea of someone putting my washing on for me, I'll be stressing that they won't put the correct things into the delicates wash bag, won't wash things in the correct combinations etc. in the end I just think it's easier if I do it myself. argh!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia View Post
    It's easy. Give them a set of keys and msg them in the morning with groceries you need that day. They can pick them up on the way over. Or if they are living with you get them to help you plan the menu allocating every day to a different adult. Ie Mon- mum, Tuesday- aunt, Wednesday- hubby.

    Then with cleaning - just flat out ask.

    My MIL has been here 16 days and I have yet to wash a single dish, hang out laundry, take my kids to daycare/kindy, vacuum, change sheets etc. She is leaving on Monday morning so I've suggested that she do some baking before she leaves.
    I'm impressed!! you have this down to a fine art woman!! 👍🏻

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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    I'm totally the same and totally get where you're coming from. I wish I wasn't like this but I can't help it. even just the idea of someone putting my washing on for me, I'll be stressing that they won't put the correct things into the delicates wash bag, won't wash things in the correct combinations etc. in the end I just think it's easier if I do it myself. argh!!
    And not to mention touching my things. I KNOW I need to let it go. Especially with no2 coming. I think I need to work on it. I would be happy with people providing food though.

  10. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    I think, with the way I feel right now, I'd like no visitors etc for the first 2 weeks. definitely none in the hospital either. after the 2 weeks is up and hopefully we're in a bit of a routine, people may visit for short stays (1-2 hours max) but notice is required. no casual drop ins. as for house guests, definitely none until bubs has had his 6 week shots at least. any interstate visitors will need to find accommodation local to us. dh will happily ferry people back and forth between our house for visits and the accommodation.
    I can tell you honestly that I would offend my family and my in laws tremendously if we did that 5yrs ago after our eldest was born.

    IMO. If you want an extended family that is involved and a big part of your childs life then you need to be open to them from the beginning.

    Shutting them away now doesn't bode well for the future.

  11. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by twinklify View Post
    And not to mention touching my things. I KNOW I need to let it go. Especially with no2 coming. I think I need to work on it. I would be happy with people providing food though.
    maybe we just need a list of things that we would be ok with other people doing? food i'd be ok with (I think??), ummm, struggling to come up with anything else 😂

    I can't let dh fold washing to put away as he doesn't fold it properly and puts things in the wrong spot. someone who doesn't live with me would have zero hope of getting it right 😂

  12. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia View Post
    I can tell you honestly that I would offend my family and my in laws tremendously if we did that 5yrs ago after our eldest was born.

    IMO. If you want an extended family that is involved and a big part of your childs life then you need to be open to them from the beginning.

    Shutting them away now doesn't bode well for the future.
    yes I know. I think it's about finding a balance though between what you as the new parents are comfortable with and what people expect. like there's no point imo of stressing yourself unnecessarily just so you don't offend anyone. you all need to strike a balance that agrees with everyone. and that balance obviously needs to take into consideration everyone's individual personalities and dynamics.


 

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