Last edited by Louise41; 08-10-2015 at 22:09.
Interesting perspectives, thanks for sharing. I find the topic quite thought provoking. I'm also a complete paradox. On one hand I'm extremely logical and realistic about relationships, on the other I'm a hopeless pathetic romantic lol
We bought a new car recently and DH put it in his name (long story short I told him to for ease during the process of buying). We have another car that is also in his name. I said to him that made me uneasy, he told me no matter what happened he would never scr*w me out of a car and after 20 years I know him well enough to believe him. I digress but my point was really that I feel safe enough in my relationship to know I'll be looked after.
I guess I just really hope my daughters don't end up with some of the dead sh1ts we hear about on here
I believe that everything you thought true of a person (partner, friend or family) go out the window in a divorce.
The pain, the vulnerability, the grief, can bring the worst in people.
I've seen it with my parents and they are pretty chilled. Taught me to one count on one person to not screw me over.
In answer to the original question- as long as she is happy then I am happy. I have only ever been a sahm. I finished high school, met dh and had our dd1 within a year (hell, we were living together after 2 weeks and packed up and moved almost 2 hours away from my family without even telling them!). One thing I would want for her though is a back up plan financially- even if its $20 a week into a separate account. But, if she didn't, its not the end of the world! I would be there to support her any way until she got on her feet again. God my grandad still bails me out when times are tough, as he does with all of his kids. It what family does.
As for the changing names thing.... I swore black and blue I would never change my name when I got married. Mainly because my maiden name (also my mums maiden name) to me felt like my last connection I had with my nan and I didn't want to lose that. So what changed my mind? My 3 year old dd1 (at the time). She overheard dh and I talking about it and got upset and asked why didn't I want the same name as "daddy and me and dd2". I did it for HER. I did it because she wanted to have that link, that connection. I didn't do it because I felt social pressure, or pressure from dh. I did it because my 3 year old daughter wanted that connection with me. To her it was/is more than just a name. Its a part of who she is, its her family. And I cannot deny her that.
This is such a complicated thread! I just want my daughter to be happy with whatever path she chooses in life and to trust her abilities to make a life no matter what gets thrown at her. Frankly I'd be more worried, not disappointed, if she completely defined herself by work. Balance is key to happiness for me but she needs to forge her own way.
Personally my mum worked full time from when I was 2 and she's now 61 and still working full time. I hated that she was never available, never had time, never made my lunch ever, never had school holiday time off ever (her job did not allow it). I hated that someone else was always there getting me from school when I was little.
I'm currently on maternity leave from a high level super stressful all consuming but very rewarding job. Thought I'd go back after 6 months but I've changed my mind. I'll go back at 12 months but not to the same role. I loved my job but I can't be doing nights and weekends and ridiculous hours now, there's plenty of time for that again in the future. I'm lucky I have options. I'll be going back 2 days a week only for the first year at least. Maybe up to 3 days when she turns 2 until school starts. Can't see myself working more than 4 days a week for the next 10 years to be honest. It's the right thing for me and my family. Will it affect my career? Probably. Do I care? Not so much now. The older I get the more I value my life outside of work and my little munchkin will make that more so.
Now on to the name changing conundrum. I've swung both ways 😉 my first marriage I didn't change my name because I wanted to keep mine. In my current marriage I did change my name and I love that I did. Doesn't make me less independent or less anything. It's a choice that I wanted to exercise. Yes I already had an established career under my old name and 3 degrees earned under that name. I just told everyone at the time, and now if warranted I might say to someone "oh you might remember me as...". But after 4 years in my new name it's a non-issue. I don't care what anyone else does with their name I'm not passionate for or against changing as I've gone both sides but I really like having the same name as DH. I (and he) would consider myself a very strong independent (financially and personality-wise) woman. My name had nothing to do with those traits 😀
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