+ Reply to Thread
Page 9 of 18 FirstFirst ... 7891011 ... LastLast
Results 81 to 90 of 173
  1. #81
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Posts
    17,747
    Thanks
    5,085
    Thanked
    8,691
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Awards:
    Past Moderator - Thank you
    100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    My kids have different surnames- DD has mine and DS has DP's- both me and DP's surnames start with B so we call ourselves collectively 'the Beebees' many cultures don't have shared surnames in families, it's so not even an issue.
    Yeah, it's not an issue at all for me but I've had many people mention that everyone having the same last name was important to them and therefore the name change. Mine was just because I'm a bit of a stubborn cow!

  2. #82
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    3,591
    Thanks
    133
    Thanked
    1,608
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default Would you be disappointed if your DD chose to be at home long term?

    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    If you could go back, would you make the same choice? forget the man, would you have chosen to be a SAHM again knowing what you know now?
    Yes ! Wouldn't change a thing. I made the choice 20 yrs ago to not work until my kids left home. I've been married , divorced and remarried again and yes I'm financially dependent on a man. But I made that choice. And I don't have 1 regret I can honestly say I have loved being home for the past 20 yrs
    Last edited by Louise41; 08-10-2015 at 22:09.

  3. #83
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    22,848
    Thanks
    6,202
    Thanked
    16,895
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    Interesting perspectives, thanks for sharing. I find the topic quite thought provoking. I'm also a complete paradox. On one hand I'm extremely logical and realistic about relationships, on the other I'm a hopeless pathetic romantic lol

    We bought a new car recently and DH put it in his name (long story short I told him to for ease during the process of buying). We have another car that is also in his name. I said to him that made me uneasy, he told me no matter what happened he would never scr*w me out of a car and after 20 years I know him well enough to believe him. I digress but my point was really that I feel safe enough in my relationship to know I'll be looked after.

  4. #84
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    At the beach
    Posts
    10,495
    Thanks
    1,430
    Thanked
    9,003
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 17/10/14100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by ExcuseMyFrench View Post
    For me it's the other way around, it's just I can't see a good enough reason for changing a name?
    Marriage is a strong enough commitment. 😊
    This is me. I just don't see why I should. My kids don't have my surname but I carried them and I birthed them. I feel connected sufficiently without the need to share their name.

  5. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Sonja For This Useful Post:

    Moxy  (09-10-2015),VicPark  (09-10-2015)

  6. #85
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    my house
    Posts
    17,710
    Thanks
    1,392
    Thanked
    7,295
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts

    Default Would you be disappointed if your DD chose to be at home long term?

    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Interesting perspectives, thanks for sharing. I find the topic quite thought provoking. I'm also a complete paradox. On one hand I'm extremely logical and realistic about relationships, on the other I'm a hopeless pathetic romantic lol

    We bought a new car recently and DH put it in his name (long story short I told him to for ease during the process of buying). We have another car that is also in his name. I said to him that made me uneasy, he told me no matter what happened he would never scr*w me out of a car and after 20 years I know him well enough to believe him. I digress but my point was really that I feel safe enough in my relationship to know I'll be looked after.
    I'm not saying you don't feel secure in your relationship, but I remember an old poster on here who was married and not working, but on very high income. Saying she could never work, that her husband paid her super. Only to have the marriage fail abs discover that her husband who she thought could never screw her over hadn't done anything she thought he was and had to go out and get a job. Things like that and other posts I've read over the years on here really resonate with me.

    I guess I just really hope my daughters don't end up with some of the dead sh1ts we hear about on here

  7. #86
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    22,848
    Thanks
    6,202
    Thanked
    16,895
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    But isn't your DH's surname just a title too? Was he very keen on you changing your name? One of my good friends changed her name because she and all her family are very... Hmm... Overbearing so she changed it as a symbol of her conceding to her DH's family somewhat, as they are quiet, unassuming people and she knows her family is very dominant. She felt that it evened things out a little. That I can understand- the 'I want everyone to have the same name' deal I don't really understand
    Yep it's just a title, but as I said, I changed my name bc I disliked my maiden name and bc previous experience made me want continuity for my kids. DH could have cared less had I said I wanted to keep my maiden name. DH was a SNAG before it was cool to be one lol he actually hates his name bc he hates his father but that's a whoooole different thread. He offered to take MY name *but I declined bc it's not an attractive name*

  8. #87
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    4,321
    Thanks
    1,552
    Thanked
    2,539
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    I believe that everything you thought true of a person (partner, friend or family) go out the window in a divorce.

    The pain, the vulnerability, the grief, can bring the worst in people.

    I've seen it with my parents and they are pretty chilled. Taught me to one count on one person to not screw me over.

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to ExcuseMyFrench For This Useful Post:

    harvs  (08-10-2015)

  10. #88
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Mackay
    Posts
    6,275
    Thanks
    809
    Thanked
    2,399
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    In answer to the original question- as long as she is happy then I am happy. I have only ever been a sahm. I finished high school, met dh and had our dd1 within a year (hell, we were living together after 2 weeks and packed up and moved almost 2 hours away from my family without even telling them!). One thing I would want for her though is a back up plan financially- even if its $20 a week into a separate account. But, if she didn't, its not the end of the world! I would be there to support her any way until she got on her feet again. God my grandad still bails me out when times are tough, as he does with all of his kids. It what family does.

    As for the changing names thing.... I swore black and blue I would never change my name when I got married. Mainly because my maiden name (also my mums maiden name) to me felt like my last connection I had with my nan and I didn't want to lose that. So what changed my mind? My 3 year old dd1 (at the time). She overheard dh and I talking about it and got upset and asked why didn't I want the same name as "daddy and me and dd2". I did it for HER. I did it because she wanted to have that link, that connection. I didn't do it because I felt social pressure, or pressure from dh. I did it because my 3 year old daughter wanted that connection with me. To her it was/is more than just a name. Its a part of who she is, its her family. And I cannot deny her that.

  11. #89
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    22,848
    Thanks
    6,202
    Thanked
    16,895
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by ExcuseMyFrench View Post
    I believe that everything you thought true of a person (partner, friend or family) go out the window in a divorce.

    The pain, the vulnerability, the grief, can bring the worst in people.

    I've seen it with my parents and they are pretty chilled. Taught me to one count on one person to not screw me over.
    Sure and I do agree with you. People get ugly when they are deeply wounded. I just know we will stay together. I know. It sounds so ridiculous, near sighted and lacking in insight. You are probably rolling your eyes and thinking honey, everyone thinks that. But I know we will. We are ready to celebrate 20 years and we are stronger than ever.

  12. #90
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    2,287
    Thanks
    2,369
    Thanked
    1,927
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    This is such a complicated thread! I just want my daughter to be happy with whatever path she chooses in life and to trust her abilities to make a life no matter what gets thrown at her. Frankly I'd be more worried, not disappointed, if she completely defined herself by work. Balance is key to happiness for me but she needs to forge her own way.
    Personally my mum worked full time from when I was 2 and she's now 61 and still working full time. I hated that she was never available, never had time, never made my lunch ever, never had school holiday time off ever (her job did not allow it). I hated that someone else was always there getting me from school when I was little.
    I'm currently on maternity leave from a high level super stressful all consuming but very rewarding job. Thought I'd go back after 6 months but I've changed my mind. I'll go back at 12 months but not to the same role. I loved my job but I can't be doing nights and weekends and ridiculous hours now, there's plenty of time for that again in the future. I'm lucky I have options. I'll be going back 2 days a week only for the first year at least. Maybe up to 3 days when she turns 2 until school starts. Can't see myself working more than 4 days a week for the next 10 years to be honest. It's the right thing for me and my family. Will it affect my career? Probably. Do I care? Not so much now. The older I get the more I value my life outside of work and my little munchkin will make that more so.
    Now on to the name changing conundrum. I've swung both ways 😉 my first marriage I didn't change my name because I wanted to keep mine. In my current marriage I did change my name and I love that I did. Doesn't make me less independent or less anything. It's a choice that I wanted to exercise. Yes I already had an established career under my old name and 3 degrees earned under that name. I just told everyone at the time, and now if warranted I might say to someone "oh you might remember me as...". But after 4 years in my new name it's a non-issue. I don't care what anyone else does with their name I'm not passionate for or against changing as I've gone both sides but I really like having the same name as DH. I (and he) would consider myself a very strong independent (financially and personality-wise) woman. My name had nothing to do with those traits 😀


 

Similar Threads

  1. Long term Motilium use
    By deku in forum Breastfeeding Support
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 03-03-2015, 18:15
  2. Long Term TTC chat #2
    By bel2466 in forum Conception & Fertility General Chat
    Replies: 1010
    Last Post: 29-11-2014, 15:57

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
BAE The Label
Versatile, premium maternity wear that you will love throughout pregnancy and long after. Cleverly designed for for all stages of motherhood so that you can 'Just be you (+1)'.
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
Vibe Natural Health
Your natural health care team for fertility, pregnancy, post natal and family health care. Our Naturopaths, Doctors, Osteopaths, Acupuncturists, Psychologists,Nutritionists, Pilates, & Massage specialise in women & children's health and wellbeing.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!