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  1. #71
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    For me it's an obsolete cultural practice that has its roots in changing ownership from Father to husband. It had no relevance to my modern relationship and wasn't something I ever considered.

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  3. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExcuseMyFrench View Post
    Yes changing your name doesn't change you as a person but it does change the perspective that outsiders have on you.
    It sends a strong signal (that most people consider a positive one).
    What perspective is that? Genuine non loaded question

  4. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Can I ask why it's so important for some to keep their maiden names? Not saying it shouldn't be, just wondering tis all.

    Do you feel taking your partner's name takes away who you are? Your personality?
    Well I'm not even married but I would never change my name. Yes I feel it would be losing a part of me. But more than that- DP is not the default in our relationship. His family is not more important than my family. His name is not more important than my name.

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  6. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    I wouldn't be disappointed but I would be very nervous for her. I would hope that she had a back up plan. That she had negotiated for her partner to pay her super, and that she had some sort of education and training that would be able to get her a job if she needed it.
    Forget her partner leaving her or God forbid dying young- what if her partner's career folded? What if his position became completely obsolete? It's a very real possibility and becoming more and more so. The possibility of both of them having to retrain and gain completely new careers in life- that's not fun.
    I've seen plenty of examples in real life where one partner can't work for whatever reason- my Stepmum developed fibromyalgia in her late 40's and my dad had to come out of retirement to support the family- what if he had no skills and had never worked, or hadn't in 20 years? They would be destitute, that's what. My teenage brothers would never have any of the opportunities they now have. They would basically be f***ed. Love and trust and respect aren't always enough. Sometimes life throws you insane curveballs, and I would be devastated for either of my children if one came their way and they had no way to deal with it.
    Yeah see I get what you mean and I agree.

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Can I ask why it's so important for some to keep their maiden names? Not saying it shouldn't be, just wondering tis all.

    Do you feel taking your partner's name takes away who you are? Your personality?
    For me, I really don't care what others do but my name is important to me and I guess the fact that we're migrants and there aren't many of us made it more important.
    I guess I just don't see it to be a necessary thing for a family to all have the same surname.

  8. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    Well I'm not even married but I would never change my name. Yes I feel it would be losing a part of me. But more than that- DP is not the default in our relationship. His family is not more important than my family. His name is not more important than my name.
    Ok I understand that. For me, my last name is not me, it's just a title, but I get that it's different for everyone.

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Can I ask why it's so important for some to keep their maiden names? Not saying it shouldn't be, just wondering tis all.

    Do you feel taking your partner's name takes away who you are? Your personality?
    For me it's the other way around, it's just I can't see a good enough reason for changing a name?
    Marriage is a strong enough commitment. 😊

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  11. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by misskittyfantastico View Post
    For me, I really don't care what others do but my name is important to me and I guess the fact that we're migrants and there aren't many of us made it more important.
    I guess I just don't see it to be a necessary thing for a family to all have the same surname.
    My kids have different surnames- DD has mine and DS has DP's- both me and DP's surnames start with B so we call ourselves collectively 'the Beebees' many cultures don't have shared surnames in families, it's so not even an issue.

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    Default Would you be disappointed if your DD chose to be at home long term?

    Quote Originally Posted by LoveLivesHere View Post
    I am going to try and stay out of this thread because I am exactly what you guys fear. A long term sahm by choice with no back up degree or career.

    I know if I came on hard times I would survive and so would my kids because We have designed it that way.

    Just wanted to add as person in this position not only am I happier than a pig in mud. My life is easier for it. I have a situation I am potentially facing in the next few months were I might have to pack up a move away from my hubby and five kids for god knows how many months. You know what I have a family who will support me and dd to ends of the earth and I AM THE MOST BLESSED WOMAN IN THE WHOLE FREAKEN WORLD. If I had a job or career I wouldn't be able to just get on plane and go whenever I am needed like I do now.

    So ladies if your worst fears come to pass and your kids end up like me, it's not the end of the world.
    @LoveLivesHere you know I adore you and your life and you are one of the reasons I come back to BH. I feel this is such a loaded topic as feeling "disappointment" in someone else's lifestyle choice carries with in an inherent judgment and no one likes being judged.

    I'm really sorry your family is facing this. I would only say these days most good employers offer flexibly for their employees in cases like yours. We were told DD2 would need hip surgery just before I returned from maternity leave and my employer automatically offered to extend my leave for 6, 9 or 12 months. Whatever I wanted. Or that I could work from home or reduce my days

    I know not everyone has that but as I had worked hard and was good at my job they were prepared to do this.
    Last edited by Sonja; 08-10-2015 at 22:10.

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  15. #80
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Ok I understand that. For me, my last name is not me, it's just a title, but I get that it's different for everyone.
    But isn't your DH's surname just a title too? Was he very keen on you changing your name? One of my good friends changed her name because she and all her family are very... Hmm... Overbearing so she changed it as a symbol of her conceding to her DH's family somewhat, as they are quiet, unassuming people and she knows her family is very dominant. She felt that it evened things out a little. That I can understand- the 'I want everyone to have the same name' deal I don't really understand


 

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