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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by NoteToSelf View Post
    I'd be hugely disappointed, I'd never want any of my kids to be financially dependent on their partner, I want them to have financial independence, their own superannuation etc.

    Its not the SAHP thing itself, it's the financial and unemployability trap it creates.
    yup totally this. it's a dead end/one way street. once you've spent 20 years at home, who's going to employ you? it suddenly becomes much much harder to get out if you need/want to.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    I get your general angle but I guess I just didn't feel strongly enough about it to have it stop me. my sisters and I have all been to uni and graduated and have our chosen careers. we are financially independent and run our lives and our homes on equal footing with our partners. we also both changes our names after getting married. as I said, I get where you're coming from as I do think that about some women too, but I did it personally for myself (I hated my original surname lol) and for my husband who was so touched and honored and flattered that I would do that. it was special. no way did he expect or demand i change it. and no way did I change it so I could feel some sense of validation or identity as "belonging" to my man.

    to each his own I guess.
    I'm not going to argue this point as it gets people's backs up. For me I would be very disappointed.

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  4. #23
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    I didn't change my name when I got married. It was my name for 35 years and it was/is my identity. I haven't thought about how I would feel if my daughters changed their name yet...

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  6. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I'm not going to argue this point as it gets people's backs up. For me I would be very disappointed.
    argue what? the changing surname thing? I don't actually feel strongly enough about it to argue or get my back up. it was just something I chose to do and that's that.

    put it this way, I'd be more disappointed in my daughter if she dropped out of high school and flaked on her education and future for the sake of a guy than if she got married and changed her surname. you can still be independent and share a surname with your husband.

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  8. #25
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    Default Would you be disappointed if your DD chose to be at home long term?

    I guess I come at this from a slightly different standpoint in that my kidney disease is hereditary and my daughter and my sons have a 50% chance of having it too and having renal failure, dialysis etc...
    When you're chronically ill financial independence can be tricky as can any kind of employment so I think my circumstances and therefore my thought processes are sort of skewed and I can't think beyond be healthy, be happy, be fulfilled and be loved.
    Anyway, I'll bow out now - not because I'm cranky or upset but because I don't really feel like I can offer much to it xxxx
    Last edited by misskittyfantastico; 08-10-2015 at 21:39.

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  10. #26
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    I wouldn't be disappointed unless my daughter:
    * chose to stay home because she was lazy, didn't want to 'work' for a living and thought staying home was her way of getting out of work (she would be in for a shock - being a SAHP isn't easy).
    * was married to an ******** in which case I would be worried about her becoming financially dependent on him
    * didn't really want to stay home (was pressured into t and wouldn't stand up for herself).

    Under the right circumstances I could picture myself being very proud of a daughter that chose to be a SAHP. Although similar to Sonya I would probably silently be a tad disappointed if she changed her last name

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  12. #27
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    Default Would you be disappointed if your DD chose to be at home long term?

    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    argue what? the changing surname thing? I don't actually feel strongly enough about it to argue or get my back up. it was just something I chose to do and that's that.

    put it this way, I'd be more disappointed in my daughter if she dropped out of high school and flaked on her education and future for the sake of a guy than if she got married and changed her surname. you can still be independent and share a surname with your husband.
    Ok. I'll try again. There was a thread a long time ago about changing names and I was in the camp of no way never ever and it got people's backs up. And there were arguments. That's what I meant. I'm not saying you want an argument. I just don't feel like going there again. I respect it's a personal decision and one I take very seriously. Ny oldest 2 girls have said they will never change their names and I hope they always feel like that.

    The reason I raised it in this thread is I don't know any Sahm who haven m't changed their names. I do see them as linked.

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  14. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    yup totally this. it's a dead end/one way street. once you've spent 20 years at home, who's going to employ you? it suddenly becomes much much harder to get out if you need/want to.
    Not only that but what if you need to leave your husband? What if he got sick, became disabled, or died?

    So many threads on here about husbands/partners of sahm being financially abusive. It is scary and sickening.

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  16. #29
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    I do get the concern over no super, it's a valid point. But many women now days are fighting for access to half their ex's super and being granted it. I also have a super fund, severa; in fact. Granted it's not the size of others here who have returned to work but it's something. Which is I guess why I hope she goes to uni and works for a while before staying at home.

    I also think money isn't everything. Sure it helps but if it made people happy no rich person would be unhappy. My mother makes PA jabs at the fact I'm still at home but while she has super.... she's an extremely unhappy woman, always has been. Obviously her working isn't the cause, but it certainly doesn't make her life happy either.

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  18. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    I didn't change my name when I got married. It was my name for 35 years and it was/is my identity. I haven't thought about how I would feel if my daughters changed their name yet...
    F@r& me! Can't believe I'm agreeing with both Sonya and Big Red in the one thread

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