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  1. #11
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    See I've read people say I'm setting a bad example to my kids. But I don't feel I am. I feel like I'm enjoying the fruits of my feminist predecessors labour. I have choice. I don't stay home bc DH tells me to, or bc we are in the 1950's. I CHOOSE this and I love it 90% of the time.

    And my kids love it. My mum worked and she never come to any school stuff, never was involved with the school, never picked me up from school or fundraised for me. I'm going to be crystal clear - there is NOTHING wrong with women who work. Some work bc they need to, others bc they want to and find being at home drives them bat sh*t crazy. But for MY children they love me being at home. This thread is in no way a PA dig at working mums.

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  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExcuseMyFrench View Post
    Honestly I would feel like I failed as a mother if any of my children but especially my daughter(s) chose not to be independent financially.

    It is so so so important for me.
    I feel the same. I would even be disappointed if my daughters changed their surnames when they got married.

    Having been a family lawyer a long time ago I am petrified of any of my kids being financially dependant on anyone else for a significant period of time.

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  5. #13
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    I'm a huge advocate of woman and girls setting themselves up so they ALWAYS have choices, I would be quite literally be heartbroken if I ever thought my DD was at the mercy of a bloke once she started having children, and she felt like she had no out.

    So I would be happy for my DD to be a stay at home mum if that was what she wanted to do, but only after she had established herself in some way, it's a hard one. I would just never like to see her have to go through the same experiences I did when the boys were small, it was long term gruelling trying to establish a decent living to support us all, I just don't want her to be vulnerable like that.

  6. #14
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    lol what's changing your surname got to do with it?

  7. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    lol what's changing your surname got to do with it?
    I was merely pointing out how strongly I value independence for my daughters and FOR ME that includes not changing their surnames. Each to their own but I see it as extremely important.

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  9. #16
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    Default Would you be disappointed if your DD chose to be at home long term?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I feel the same. I would even be disappointed if my daughters changed their surnames when they got married.

    Having been a family lawyer a long time ago I am petrified of any of my kids being financially dependant on anyone else for a significant period of time.
    Oh yes that too.
    I hope because my DD has both a mum and a grand mother who kept their name, she might not even consider changing hers 😉

    But yes IMO our only job as parent is to teach independence to our kids. Big part of this is having a way of earning money and not depend on anyone but oneself.

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    I'd be hugely disappointed, I'd never want any of my kids to be financially dependent on their partner, I want them to have financial independence, their own superannuation etc.

    Its not the SAHP thing itself, it's the financial and unemployability trap it creates.

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  12. #18
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    Yep, I will be honest and say I would be a bit sad. I want my kids to be happy too and if being home meant my daughters would be happy then I would try to be happy but deep down I would want more for them.

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  14. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by NoteToSelf View Post
    I'd be hugely disappointed, I'd never want any of my kids to be financially dependent on their partner, I want them to have financial independence, their own superannuation etc.

    Its not the SAHP thing itself, it's the financial and unemployability trap it creates.
    This is my worry.

  15. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I was merely pointing out how strongly I value independence for my daughters and FOR ME that includes not changing their surnames. Each to their own but I see it as extremely important.
    I get your general angle but I guess I just didn't feel strongly enough about it to have it stop me. my sisters and I have all been to uni and graduated and have our chosen careers. we are financially independent and run our lives and our homes on equal footing with our partners. we also both changes our names after getting married. as I said, I get where you're coming from as I do think that about some women too, but I did it personally for myself (I hated my original surname lol) and for my husband who was so touched and honored and flattered that I would do that. it was special. no way did he expect or demand i change it. and no way did I change it so I could feel some sense of validation or identity as "belonging" to my man.

    to each his own I guess.

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