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  1. #121
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Wow I hope you don't think having a nanny means you're not raising your own kids and you were simply referring to the previous post. Otherwise anyone who has a child in day care isn't raising their own kids.

    We really are out own worst enemies aren't we? I never see men tearing each other apart over their parenting choices.
    Yeah I was directly addressing the post I quoted about her friend having a nanny while she stayed home and she didn't agree with it. I said that's something I personally wouldn't do myself, but clearly pointed out that was just MY feelings. Which has been my point.

    I've been at pains every post I've made to not come across as criticising working mums, their choices, that they are still nurturing etc etc and you take my post as tearing working mums down? There are heaps of posts above mine that have been borderline scathing of SAHM's which I have accepted as opinion but you choose mine to point out your point?

    TBH I think this thread is a perfect example of the double standards in this debate. Please don't dare cricitise the fact I work. But by the way, you have no drive, you'll be living in a ditch if your husband runs off with another woman and you must be able to barely string more than 2 words together your life is so unchallenging and unfulfilling.

    Sighs.

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  3. #122
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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    she has a nanny but is home all day, the nanny does all the cleaning, cooking and looking after the baby. Why stay at home? She doesn't want to work.
    Sounds like my idea of bliss. If she's financially in a position where she doesn't have to work, more power to her. If that was me the nanny would also be responsible for bringing me champagne and mojitos.

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  5. #123
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Yeah I was directly addressing the post I quoted about her friend having a nanny while she stayed home and she didn't agree with it. I said that's something I personally wouldn't do myself, but clearly pointed out that was just MY feelings. Which has been my point.

    I've been at pains every post I've made to not come across as criticising working mums, their choices, that they are still nurturing etc etc and you take my post as tearing working mums down? There are heaps of posts above mine that have been borderline scathing of SAHM's which I have accepted as opinion but you choose mine to point out your point?

    TBH I think this thread is a perfect example of the double standards in this debate. Please don't dare cricitise the fact I work. But by the way, you have no drive, you'll be living in a ditch if your husband runs off with another woman and you must be able to barely string more than 2 words together your life is so unchallenging and unfulfilling.

    Sighs.
    This is the inherent problem with these threads. I don't think I've made any of those comments and those who have have said what concerns them about the decision to be a Sahm.

    I see it on here all the time that if you work you aren't raising your children. But expressed as I want to raise my children. Honestly I think people do believe that. I just don't think they have the guts to say it.

    Do I think you are lazy? No I don't. I don't think you are down-trodden or stupid either. I respect your decision and anyone else's on here about how they parent. Would I want those things for my own daughters? No I wouldn't but my perspective is very much coloured by my experiences as a family lawyer. With 4 kids the odds are one of them will wind up divorced.
    I also happen to be able to make working with 4 kids work for me.

    But statements like those hurt deeply, but I've been raising kids long enough to not care.

  6. #124
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    I didn't say you said all of those things. But just like you feel the strong 'you aren't raising your kids' vibe but feel women are too gutless to just say it (I don't think that btw) I get the same vibes as a SAHM, but I find working mums are much less careful in trying to hide the vibe. I find working mums run with this stereotype of home mums and it's frustrating. I want to break that stereotype and say hey! I stay home and I've been to uni, I'm not downtrodden, I'm still a driven strong woman!

    Bottom line for me is, and always has been, do what works for YOUR family. If that's working 50/40/10 hours a week, great. If it's not working, great. If it's Dad staying home and you working, great. Change your name, don't change your name. The whole point of feminism beyond rights is choice. Staying at home is as valid a choice as working.

    And I should add that my daughter, while being very upfront she likes me being home, as said she's not even sure she wants kids and if she does not until her late 20's as she wants a career and a life first So my SAHM'ness clearly isn't impeding her drive.
    Last edited by delirium; 09-10-2015 at 10:58.

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  8. #125
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    Default Would you be disappointed if your DD chose to be at home long term?

    I don't think anybody has said it is unfulfilling, only that they personally find it unfulfilling. I mean, it is mindless. Even people admit they come on here for stimulation. That's not having a dig either. I have been a sahm but only during maternity leave. In 7 years of parenting, I've had 102 weeks of paid maternity leave. Another perk of having a career, I guess. I found it painfully boring. I was apprehensive about leaving my first baby when I first resumed work but couldn't wait to get back to work. I have the luxury of working 2/3 days a week as I do happen to think it is important to be home with your kids some of the time before they start school.

  9. #126
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    Of course there are aspects that are mindless, but you get that at work too. For me personally, it isn't actually so much that it's mindless, more that I don't get the adult interaction I did when I worked. I do miss that.

    All I'm saying is support all choices. Not just the choice you (a general you) choose. I have no issue with women who say they had to go back to work as they find it boring. None whatsoever. Some do find it boring and that's totally fine. But when women who demand their working mother status be respected, but then openly question the validity/motives/contributions of those at home it just makes it look like Mummy Wars.

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  11. #127
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    I don't care what anyone else does, but as I said honestly in my first post in this thread, I do want more for my daughters than to be a sahm without an education or qualifications. If she chooses to be a sahm after that then that's her choice. I don't want my girls to be teen mums. I don't care what others think about that.

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  13. #128
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Wow I hope you don't think having a nanny means you're not raising your own kids and you were simply referring to the previous post. Otherwise anyone who has a child in day care isn't raising their own kids.
    .
    I don't think Del was implying that for everyone who has a nanny. I will say though unless there are medical exceptions if you don't work outside the home and you have a nanny (not talking about a night off a week to go to dinner) then you are letting someone else raise your kids.

  14. #129
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    Default Would you be disappointed if your DD chose to be at home long term?

    I'm probably going to be crucified here.
    To be honest I'd be more upset and disappointed if my daughters decided to be childless by choice and didn't want to be a mother at all. (Please note I'm not referring to those who are not able to have a family due to infertility or circumstance)

    Working in aged care I can tell you all the independence, money and friends in the world mean diddly squat when you are old and frail. Languishing in a nursing home for years where nobody gives two sh!ts about you. Yes, nephews and nieces and friends children are great but it really isn't the same and they don't receive the same level of attention and care. I'm yet to come across an elderly woman who didn't regret not having children in their final years.

    I understand having children is no guarantee either that you will be looked after later in life, but from what I've seen, independence and money doesn't mean much (guardians can dump you wherever they see fit regardless of your cash as you are no longer in control) and there is nothing more important than family and being loved when it all boils down to the end.
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 09-10-2015 at 12:18.

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  16. #130
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    Quote Originally Posted by Louise41 View Post
    Yes ! Wouldn't change a thing. I made the choice 20 yrs ago to not work until my kids left home. I've been married , divorced and remarried again and yes I'm financially dependent on a man. But I made that choice. And I don't have 1 regret I can honestly say I have loved being home for the past 20 yrs
    sorry not trying to be rude or insensitive here at all. but haven't you been saying on here (in other threads) how much you hate your husband and your life?

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