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  1. #101
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    As long as my daughter is happy, had a good relationship with her partner (male or female) & it was her decision I would support her 100%. Not only would she have my support but I'd be extremely proud of her. I would like to think that I'd be close enough to where she was living to give her a day off too. As long as she's happy & it's her decision I'm going to be incredibly proud of whatever she does with her life.

    After long term ttc I think that having children is the most precious gift we can ever be given & they grow up way to fast. It also puts it in perspective that family is so important. If she chooses to stay home & raise them then of course I'll be proud Just like if she choose to go back to work I'd be proud of her too. A stay at home Mum is a job that is constantly required with no breaks, you get no pay, no super, no annual leave & no sick leave & absolutely no pay raise for doing a good job but I imagine it is one that is also incredibly rewarding.

    I've had a career since 2006, am fairly senior in my chosen field, have done lots of study to get there but it is also such an incredibly demanding career with lots of shift work (full overnight shifts) & fair share of weekends & public holidays including Christmas. My career was very important to me but since having dd it doesn't matter to me anymore. I wish I could be a stay at home mummy to my beautiful dd but realistically we won't be able to afford to do that. I am fortunate that I will be returning to work part time (hopefully 5 shifts a fortnight).

    I have some friends who are a stay at home mum & that's all they've ever done & I've got some that did it until kids were in school then got part time jobs & they all seem to be happy.

    So like anything she may choose to do, as long as it's what she wants then I will be very happy for her. If she does choose to stay home full time & look after kids I hope I'll be able to be in a position where I can look after them a day a week to give her a day off or help out.

    Just like if I have a son & when they have kids if his partner chooses to go to work & he chooses to stay home raising them then I'd also be supportive & just as proud of him too.

    I've been married to DH now for 6 years & have a 15 week dd. When we first got married I was so excited to change my surname. I didn't realise how many people would be disappointed if their daughter changed it. I know for me I couldn't wait as it signified that we were a family together & I loved that. So I won't be phased if dd changes her last name later on, it's completely up to her.

    Also in regards to stay at home mummies, just because someone chooses to do it for a long length of time doesn't mean that they won't ever be able to renter the workforce. My Mum stayed home & looked after us until I was 15. She always wanted to be a hairdresser so she went to Tafe then got an apprenticeship & did it. She had no issues finding a full time job either so it goes to show as long as you're motivated you can do anything you put your mind too.

    Sorry for the long post!

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  3. #102
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    Disappointed? No. I was raised by a SAHM and wanted that for my children. I was a SAHM for 7 years, with no qualifications. I am a highschool drop out. But my mum had always told me to have a career, to not be like her (who ended up in a job she hated for over 10 years). I never knew what I wanted to do, but I figured it out and went to uni after I had kids. I actually love the way I did it. Enjoyed my babies when they were babies, and now very close to having a career I love. I've been with my DH for close to 20 years and we are strong as a couple, but you never know what the future holds. I am lucky in that my parents would provide me and my kids with stability while I got my feet on the ground if something were to happen. I do have a sense of pride that I soon will be able to financially provide for my family.
    I will encourage my kids to have financial independence, but I will support them in whatever path they take to get there. We will always support them...so if they have kids before career and end up needing to get out of their relationship then they come and live with us while they get on track.
    As far as name changes go....I changed my name. We wanted to be the C's. However we both agree we should have changed to my name and been the T's because it's easier to spell. I never gave it much thought to be honest.

  4. #103
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    Quote Originally Posted by Full House View Post
    Disappointed? No. I was raised by a SAHM and wanted that for my children. I was a SAHM for 7 years, with no qualifications. I am a highschool drop out. But my mum had always told me to have a career, to not be like her (who ended up in a job she hated for over 10 years). I never knew what I wanted to do, but I figured it out and went to uni after I had kids. I actually love the way I did it. Enjoyed my babies when they were babies, and now very close to having a career I love. I've been with my DH for close to 20 years and we are strong as a couple, but you never know what the future holds. I am lucky in that my parents would provide me and my kids with stability while I got my feet on the ground if something were to happen. I do have a sense of pride that I soon will be able to financially provide for my family.
    I will encourage my kids to have financial independence, but I will support them in whatever path they take to get there. We will always support them...so if they have kids before career and end up needing to get out of their relationship then they come and live with us while they get on track.
    As far as name changes go....I changed my name. We wanted to be the C's. However we both agree we should have changed to my name and been the T's because it's easier to spell. I never gave it much thought to be honest.
    Umm. I got a career and had my first child at 31. I still got to "enjoy my babies when they were young"

    I haven't worked full-time since having kids. I actually think working part-time (2 or 3 days) is the perfect balance and ideal for me.

    I'm not scared of my daughters being stay at home parents. But being a sahm before any qualifications is scary IMO.

    Money isn't everything but I like the fact that we have the financial freedom to do many things with the kids without denting the bank account.

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  6. #104
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    Umm. I got a career and had my first child at 31. I still got to "enjoy my babies when they were young"

    I haven't worked full-time since having kids. I actually think working part-time (2 or 3 days) is the perfect balance and ideal for me.

    I'm not scared of my daughters being stay at home parents. But being a sahm before any qualifications is scary IMO.

    Money isn't everything but I like the fact that we have the financial freedom to do many things with the kids without denting the bank account.
    Cool. For me, I like that I wasn't juggling a career at the same time I was having babies. I am happy with the way MY life has worked out. I'm 32 now, and am discussing high schools with my oldest child. I had no idea what I wanted to do career wise in my late teens/early 20's. I never found it scary not having qualifications. But that's me...so based on my experiences I won't be scared for my kids if they don't have a career before kids. I wouldn't change a thing career wise.

  7. #105
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    I actually think establishing your career before you have kids gives you more flexibility and choice after having kids.

    I've been able to reduce my hours since I had kids and have a lot more control over my roster and work days because I'm an established member of the organisation. I'm on a flexible parental leave agreement which means my substantive position is held for me while I work part time hours.

    My friends who were SAHP then returned to work have had to take whatever they could get and often got stuck working full time.

    I also work part time, I've got a fantastic work/family balance.

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  9. #106
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    Umm. I got a career and had my first child at 31. I still got to "enjoy my babies when they were young"

    I haven't worked full-time since having kids. I actually think working part-time (2 or 3 days) is the perfect balance and ideal for me.

    I'm not scared of my daughters being stay at home parents. But being a sahm before any qualifications is scary IMO.
    Same here but I was 26 when I had my first.

  10. #107
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    Oh and also, my DH's career has been extremely full on and time consuming. Having me stay home has eased so much stress in our daily life while he has established himself. I was happy to support him by taking the strain off home/kid wise and he is now doing that for me. If we had both been establishing our careers at the same time our relationship would have failed. We have a great life together. I have no regrets.

  11. #108
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    Default Would you be disappointed if your DD chose to be at home long term?

    Disappointed she would want to stay home with her babies no , ( I don't have a DD) I would do what my parents did, we were all encouraged to work and buy property and my sister and I were raised to be independent women , my parents had their own business and so do the 3 of us , my mum was a SAHM for about 10 years then worked part time in their business but always was home to meet us after school which is exactly how I will be with DS ( DH mum was exactly the same)

    DH loves that I can spend any time I want with DS and absolutely in the 3 ish years I was at home he never felt any pressure as the sole breadwinner as I was with our son not bludging at home , in an ideal world he would also want me to never go back to work but I will need too purely for financial reasons , I found the only people who ever seemed to have a problem with me being a SAHM were other working mothers
    Last edited by Elijahs Mum; 09-10-2015 at 07:49.

  12. #109
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    Quote Originally Posted by NoteToSelf View Post
    I actually think establishing your career before you have kids gives you more flexibility and choice after having kids.

    I've been able to reduce my hours since I had kids and have a lot more control over my roster and work days because I'm an established member of the organisation. I'm on a flexible parental leave agreement which means my substantive position is held for me while I work part time hours.

    My friends who were SAHP then returned to work have had to take whatever they could get and often got stuck working full time.

    I also work part time, I've got a fantastic work/family balance.
    And that's where everyone's circumstance is different. I can pick and choose my hours in my chosen field of work so I'm happy with my family/life balance. Plus, as my career is so left of field of anything I had ever considered as a teen I'd most likely be either stuck in a job I didn't enjoy, or re-training. I didn't know what I wanted to do as a teen and I am happy with the choices I have madr in my life. I love my life. I don't want to get in to an arguement as to which way is better/provides more flexibility. I was simply sharing my experience, not saying everyone should do what I did.

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  14. #110
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    I only have sons but I don't see why the debate only has to be limited to daughters. If my sons were SAHPs before having a career I'd be concerned, not disappointed. After establishing a career, not so much. There's at least something in the super kitty and some work experience to fall back on.

    I've been a SAHP for 4 years. I have a degree and a solid work history and a bit in the super kitty. One of our cars is registered in my name, the house in both names, the gas and electricity bills in my name. I have some record of financial existence. I'm now looking at getting back onto the workforce and am shocked and disappointed at how much harder it is than I thought. I've also applied to uni to do a nursing degree which I'm still not sure about.

    I hate to think how much harder it would be, finding work, without my educational and work background.

    I became a SAHP because of guilt not because I wanted to. I felt guilty about DS1 being in daycare. He didn't do very well and thrived when I stayed home with him. In hindsight I don't think I'd make the same decision. It was never something I saw myself as and it has killed my self confidence, my sense of identity and my ambition.

    But that's me. And if my kids wanted to be SAHPs I'd have a very long talk with them about my experience and the experience I know of other SAHPs so they don't walk into it blindly, like I did.

    FTR I never changed my surname when I got married. It makes as much sense to me as changing my first name.

    ETA: my husband wanted me to stay at work because me resigning meant us moving from an area we loved to an area we can afford on one wage which is OK but we don't love. That being said, he has been fully supportive of my decision and while he hates the responsibility of being sole breadwinner he is 100% behind me in whatever I choose to do, including going back to FT study.
    Last edited by Moxy; 09-10-2015 at 08:22.


 

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